


It just doesn't feel right

by weepingelm



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Complete, F/M, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Police, Vengance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-08 20:35:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 50,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4319637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weepingelm/pseuds/weepingelm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Police Officer Arthur Pendragon is not happy when his sister rents out her spare bedroom to a doctor at the hospital where she works. Why would a high flyer settle for a job in a small district hospital. To him it just didn't seem right. Modern A/U</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Arthur Pendragon was a Police Sargent in the Albion Police Force, he was based on Camelot. He loved his job and had long ago decided that he wanted to remain a uniformed copper, he enjoyed the contact with the general public. After a spell in London with the Met he had returned to the town of his birth. City policing had been challenging but he felt unable to develop the type of relationships with the public that he could in a smaller force. He had turned down the opportunity to go for promotion to Inspector as he felt he wanted to remain more operational, rather than doing more supervisory and office bound jobs. 

The other benefit of working in Camelot was that he was near his sister Morgana, who was a Sister in the Intensive Care department, at the local district Hospital. She had recently broken up with her long term boyfriend and although they remained friends Arthur wanted her to know she had him to look out for her. Arthur and Morgana hadn’t known until four years preciously that they were half siblings. Until then they had believed that Morgana was the daughter of their father’s best friends, the La Fey’s. After the couple had been killed in a car accident Morgana had come to live with the Pendragon’s, it was only after Arthur's mother had died that the truth came out. Morgana had finally decided to read her late mothers diaries and discovered the truth. It had caused a major family breakup, as Arthur felt he couldn’t forgive his father for having an adulterous relationship when his mother had been alive and Uther couldn’t understand his son’s refusal to follow him into politics. Uther Pendragon was a Member of Parliament for the area, he was hard man who claimed to hold the high moral ground on so many issues. He had managed to keep his indiscretions away from the press, mainly due to the fact that his biological daughter wanted nothing to do with him. Only her closest friends knew the truth. But everyone accepted the fact that they saw themselves as siblings as they had grown up together since they were both eight. Morgana being some three months younger than Arthur. The fact that Uther had continued the affair when his wife was six months pregnant was another reason why Arthur couldn’t forgive him. 

Arthur was settled into his job with his own flat and a group of good friends and work colleagues. Even the fact that his best friend, Leon, had broken up with his sister had not broken up the group. Morgana and Leon had come to the realisation that they had come together more because of their closeness to Arthur than each other. The split hadn’t involved anyone else on either side and in the end was very amicable. 

Camelot Hospital was a moderate sized District Hospital that drew its patients from a mainly country area. The Hospital itself was situated on the outskirts of a moderate size town with a population of about forty five thousand people. But looked after a population of a quarter of a million people. The Accident and Emergency Department was expecting a new registrar that morning. Merlin Emrys had been overjoyed to get a place there when he applied for his Specialist Registrars post, he was twenty six and had worked hard to get where he was. He had always wanted to work in Accident and Emergency, the fast through put and variety of patients appealed to him. His last post had been in Liverpool and he was pleased to leave, he was a country boy at heart. But he was the first to admit the experience had been good for him.

Now he was walking up to the hospital to start his orientation shift, he had been in the hospital for a couple of days so knew some of the most obvious places. With his identity badge and all the office type jobs done, today he would actually see some patients. Merlin was happy to start what he called the ‘proper’ work. He had temporary accommodation within the hospital but hoped before long to get something better. The hospital was fairly new having been relocated to new buildings ten years previously, far different than his inner city post he had just left. It was nice to walk in fresh air instead of the fume filled air of a big city. Merlin had spent his childhood in a small village and had never really adapted to city life. Merlin walked into the A&E Department and said hello to the nurse he had met when he looked round on his first day but he couldn’t remember her name. “Hello nurse, I’m Merlin Emrys the new Registrar can you point me to the Consultant on call please?”

“Hi” she held out her hand which he shook “I’m Gwen De Luc, Senior Staff Nurse, I’ll take you through” Merlin liked her instantly she had a cheerful and friendly personality and he already felt welcome. Gwen had left him with Dr Leon Knight his immediate superior and the Consultant who he would be working with. “Hello Merlin, ready to start work?” Leon asked. Merlin again felt at ease, Leon was a man in his mid-thirties and seemed very approachable and supportive. 

“I am Sir” Merlin said with a nervous grin. He really wanted this to work out, starting out on this part of his working life was important to him. It was a fulfilment of a dream. He was soon seeing patients and doing what he did best, interacting with the public. 

The next few weeks flew past for Merlin as he settled in to his new post. He now felt he had time to look around for somewhere to live, he didn’t want to spend all his time in the hospital grounds. Ideally he wanted to flat share. But with someone who understood shifts and would appreciate his need to sleep in the day if he was on night shifts and not hold all night parties. It was either that or find a smaller flat just for himself. The first thing he found that housing was expensive in the area, and he didn’t want to go too far out and have to drive long distances to work. He knew from experience that he would be exhausted after some shifts and didn’t want to then risk driving too far. He saw the results of falling asleep at the wheel and had no intention of doing the same. 

He spent a day going round the letting agents and looking in the papers but hadn’t seen anything suitable. So he put an advert in the local newspaper and hospital newsletter. When he turned up for work a few days later Gwen Du Lac approached him. “Merlin I see you are looking for a flat share. Would you mind sharing with a woman? Only a friend of mine wants to have a house mate but is concerned about advertising”

Since he had arrived in the department he had become quite friendly with Gwen, it was hard not to, she was such a lovely person, very efficient and the patients loved her. He also knew she was very happily married to a local policeman. 

“No I have no problem with that, as long as she is happy” Merlin smiled “If she is willing to see me tell her she will be totally safe…I’m gay” Being gay was not something Merlin hid but he knew that it hadn’t come up since he had started his new job. He hoped it wouldn’t affect his relationships with the other staff, but he wouldn’t hide who he was. At the same time he realized that small owns could be less tolerant.

Gwen grinned “I thought you might be, not that it matters or that it should of course… I mean it’s fine” Merlin smiled he knew Gwen rambled a bit if she was flustered.

“Your right Gwen, I don’t tend to wear pink or shout it from the roof tops. I find that it’s best, as a doctor, to just keep my private life separate from work. I only mentioned it so your friend knew before I met her. I do realise not everyone is comfortable with my orientation.” Merlin gave Gwen a piece of paper “Here is my phone number, if she is interested just get her to call me, that way if she’s not comfortable no harm done”

“I will, but she won’t mind and I know her brother will be happy. He worries about her, they tried living together for a while, but while they love each other they just couldn’t live together.” Gwen grinned. “Look I’ll talk to her and let you know”

The next morning when Merlin went on duty Gwen approached him “Hi Merlin I spoke to my friend, we are all going out together on Friday and I see you have the evening off, why don’t you come and you can met Morgana before either of you make a decision” 

“Ok, that sounds a good idea, but I can’t stop late I’m on a twelve hour shift on Saturday” Merlin agreed.

The rest of the shift was very busy and Merlin hardly stopped at one stage as he was writing up his notes before sending a patient to the wards one of the nurses arrived with a cup of tea. “Here you are doctor, I’ve noticed you haven’t stopped yet and you need to keep your fluids up”

Merlin looked up to see one of the nurses holding a mug “Thank you, Freya isn’t it?”

“Yes Dr Emrys”

“Please call me Merlin, and thank you” Merlin took the tea and took a drink “And you got the sugar right!” Merlin had a sweet tooth and always had three spoons of sugar.

Freya smiled shyly “I asked Gwen, I know you are friends”

“Is there anyone who isn’t friends with Gwen” Merlin asked “Look Freya could you do me a favour and ring Kings Ward and tell them I am sending up the patient, I’ve already spoken to them about him,and then bleep the porters?”

Freya said she would and Merlin finished his paperwork before heading to his next patient. It was only one o’clock in the afternoon and they had their first drunk in. One of the local alcoholics had walked out in front of a car in the market place. Merlin walked into the cubicle in time to see the man grab at the nurses bottom. Handling drunks was something he was used to dealing with and hopefully this one would be a friendly drunk “You can stop that” Merlin told him. “The nurses are here to help you not be mauled”

“Fuck off” came the slurred reply. “You ain’t no doctor you’re still a school kid”

“I can go, if you want, but if I do you won’t be seen by anyone else so make up your mind, I’m old enough to be a registrar” Merlin told him, he had had that trouble many times, he knew he didn’t look his age but there was little he could do about that. The man glared at Merlin but said no more. Luckily the man had sustained no serious injuries and Merlin put him in one of the short stay wards to sleep it off and make sure he wasn’t suffering from injuries he had missed. The bruising was extensive but he hadn’t found anything else. Even the x rays were clear. As he left the man with the nurses he said “Call me when he wakes and I’ll come and check him before I discharge him. If he causes you trouble call security or I’ll come if they are busy”

It was that sort of support that made Merlin popular with the nursing staff, he always made sure the girls were safe and that they knew they could call him if needed. The rest of the day remained busy, thankfully the drunk was discharged after sleeping it off, until he came back again. So many were regulars, and took up time and resources but at least it kept things interesting. On Thursday Merlin caught up with Gwen and asked where the meeting was “The Dragon’s Lair on Catharine Street, eight o’clock, it will be fun several people from the department go as well as a couple of police officers” Gwen told him.

“I’ll see you then, I’m looking forward to it, I haven’t done any socialising yet” Merlin admitted. He showered and changed when he got to his room and put on a pair of jeans and a blue shirt. He tried to tidy his hair but as usual it had a mind of its own. Looking in the mirror he didn’t particularly like what he saw. He was very slender and all limbs, although in recent years he had at least started to put on some muscle mass, but he knew he would never be one of the more muscular and fit looking men that he himself preferred. But then he wasn’t expecting much social life for the next few years anyway. Grabbing his jacket he set of on foot as it was only just under a mile and he wanted the fresh air. He looked around at the fields and views before he found himself entering the residential area. But even then there was wide green verges and trees. The whole atmosphere was pleasant. He was soon in the more built up areas of the town centre and found the pub from Gwen’s directions. Entering the pub he walked up to the bar and ordered a pint and asked the barman “I’m meeting a group from the hospital. Are they in yet?”

The barman grinned “Out the back mate” he said pointing to a door that led to another room. Merlin thanked him and walked in the direction that had been pointed out to him. As he walked in he saw Gwen sitting at a table so walked towards her. She saw him and called out “Hi Merlin glad you could make it.”

Once Merlin was closer he saw his consultant sat at the table “Hello Sir”

Leon looked at the registrar and grinned “Leon please, even at work I don’t expect you to be so formal”

Gwen immediate started to introduced everyone pointing to the good looking man at her side Gwen said “This is my husband Lance de Luc, you know Leon and Freya, Morgana is up the end and her brother Arthur is sat by her, the flirt is Gwaine and Elyan my brother is next to him and last but not least is Mithian. Guys this is Merlin who has just started work in A&E with us”

It didn’t take long for Merlin to find out a bit about everyone, Lance, Arthur and Elyan were policemen, Gwaine was a paramedic, Mithian worked in the ambulance control phones and Morgana was a Sister in Intensive Care. Mithian laughed and said “I can’t remember the last time we all got together like this, that’s the trouble with all doing shift work. There are two others who couldn’t make it, that’s Elena and Will they are both working. Elena is on dispatch with me and Will is another paramedic.”

“Well at least you all understand the problems and probably see each other through work.” Merlin said with a smile. Then he looked at Gwaine and Elyan “I haven’t seen either of you in the department yet”

“That’s our loss Merlin, we have been on a course for the past month then annual leave, but we’re back on Monday, but we both have new partners.” Gwaine grinned “I bet it hasn’t been the same without us Gwen?”

“No it’s been quieter” Gwen said half serious and half joking. “So they're splitting you to up at long last?” 

Gwaine frowned “Yeh we tried to stop it, but we have two newbies and we have to have one each” 

After going to the bar with Leon to get a round in Merlin was called over by Morgana. “I understand you are looking for a house share. I was thinking about it, I have bought my first house. It’s not very big but it would be good to have someone to share expenses with. Would you like to come and have a look, it’s pretty handy for work, I live on the estate at the bottom of the hill, by the hospital.” Morgana seemed a very no nonsense sort of person and was very attractive and straight forward in her approach. Merlin thought they would probably get on. 

“I’d like that, look I’m working the weekend when are you days off next week and I’ll see if I can get to you” Merlin said “Then we could chat and make sure we are both happy to go ahead”

“I think it’s more a case of is Morgana happy, you will be moving into her home” Arthur said tersely. He wasn’t happy about his sister getting a lodger. And he wasn’t sure about the young doctor. “Do you have references?”

“I’ll give him one if you want Arthur” Leon said smiling 

Arthur glared at Leon “You might be my best friend Leon but I would expect something from someone who has known him longer than a few weeks”. Arthur wondered about his friends sometimes. He glared at his sister.

“Arthur it’s my house and while I appreciate you are concerned, you will not be making the decision who I have move in, and Merlin seems a sweetie” Morgana told him. 

Merlin blushed “I am here you know” he glared at Arthur “I am not just some passing vagrant I do have a decent job and very good character references”

Morgana laughed “You will be fine Merlin, I can keep you around just to put my brother in his place. Here’s my number we can arrange something no problem”

Arthur glared once more at his sister and Merlin got the feeling more would be said between the two once they were alone. Merlin stayed for a further hour then made his excuses “Got to go I’m on a long shift tomorrow, hope to see you all again”

“Yes you must, whoever is off duty meets here on Fridays so just wander down” Gwaine said with a grin. “I expect we will see you soon anyway.” He winked at Merlin who had already worked out the Irishman was like that with everyone. 

After Merlin had left Arthur turned to Morgana “Morgs go careful I know he’s a doctor and everything but you don’t know him.”

“Look he seems fine, I’m a good judge of character you know”

Leon spoke up “Arthur his references were the best I’ve seen, so good in fact that I rang the consultant who wrote them. She confirmed everything and said we were damn lucky to get him. They wanted him to stay and he had several jobs offered him before he settled on us.”

“That’s as maybe, but there is something about him” Arthur scowled.

Lance looked at his Sergeant “He seems ok to me”

“If Gwen likes him so will you” Arthur snapped. 

 

Merlin caught the bus back to the hospital and it wasn’t long before he was in bed. Merlin hated long shifts and always made sure to get plenty of sleep before hand. Especially for a Saturday as he was sure to be busy. He smiled at the new friends he had met and felt like he had a chance to make a decent life for himself. He hoped that Arthur wasn’t going to be the fly in the ointment as he hated any sort of confrontation, but at the same time he never backed down from it.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day was much as Merlin had expected. The first part of the morning was quiet, gradually building up as the day progressed. All the people who waited until the weekend and there were no G.P’s open came in for things that were clearly not emergencies. Then in the afternoon the sports injuries started to arrive as well as several victims of car crashes and the odd heart attack and stroke victims. At least he should be off duty by the time that the drunks came in. Although he was on call, to back up the registrar on duty if they got too busy. He would at least be able to go home, that was one thing about living on site. Gwaine and his new partner Percy made their first drop off at seven o’clock, their shift had started at six thirty and they would be on all night. Merlin took a hand over of a woman they had brought in following a nasty fall at home. He didn’t see them again before he went off duty. He noticed that the two men seemed to be getting on well.

The week saw Merlin settle in to his new routine, he even managed to make an appointment to go and see Morganas house. But before he even went to see the house Arthur turned up at Accident and Emergency to speak to him. It seemed Leon had given him permission. Merlin met him outside the doors as he was grabbing a few moments fresh air whilst drinking his coffee. He heard a voice call “Dr Emrys, Dr Knight told me I’d find you here” 

Merlin turned to see the blonde approaching. Merlin thought it was a pity that such a good looking man was so obnoxious It was always the same “You found me, what can I do for you?”

“I wanted to speak to you about my sister, look I don’t mean to appear unfriendly …”

 

“Well I’m sorry to say you are succeeding” Merlin butted in “Now is this work or pleasure?”

“Neither. I’ve come to ask you what your intentions are in moving in with my sister”

Merlin looked at Arthur as if he couldn’t believe his ears “I beg your pardon, firstly neither of us have made a decision and secondly I rather think your sister is able to make her own mind up who she house shares with, and thirdly I have no intentions other than to find somewhere to live that doesn’t involve living on site! Are you always such a prat?”

“Don’t take that attitude with me! I am looking out for my sister and quite frankly I don’t know you from Adam, I have every right to ask questions” Arthur snapped back. He clearly wasn’t used to being questioned.

“How old is your sister? Does she know you are harassing me? She doesn’t strike me as the sort that would appreciate you interfering” Merlin was feeling crosser by the minute. “Look my break is over, talk to your sister not me” he turned and went back inside. But the blonde followed him.

“You haven’t answered my question, why do you want to move in with a single woman? Why not find a bloke to move in with?”

Merlin whirled round “You offering?” he snarled “I was told about your sister’s vacancy and that’s the reason, I wanted someone who understood shift patterns and when I was told I thought I would look into it. I’m good for the money, don’t smoke or get drunk every Friday night or do drugs and I haven’t ever raped anyone. What else do you need to know?” when Arthur didn’t say anything Merlin said “Now get out of my hair, I have work to do even if you don’t”

Arthur looked after the doctor totally surprised, he hadn’t expected that sort of come back at all, especially from such a skinny and gangly man. After all Arthur could take him with one hand tied behind his back, if he was that sort. Arthur knew his sister would be as mad as hell if she found out he had interfered, but he was genuinely concerned about her sharing her home with a stranger, especially a man. He wasn’t sure how he had let the situation get out of his control and he didn’t like the feeling it gave him. To make it worse he still felt that Dr Emrys was hiding something.

Merlin had calmed down by the time it came to go and see the house and Morgana. He showered and changed, he had actually finished work on time and it was a pleasant evening so he walked down the hill. It would be an easy commute to work and he would most likely walk most days if he did take the place. He was wondering if it would be worth it if Arthur was going to be in the picture, he really didn’t want the hassle. Finding the house he rang the doorbell and it was soon answered by Morgana who was in jeans and a green blouse that picked up the colour of her eyes. “Hi Merlin come on in”

Merlin stepped in and went to remove his shoes, a habit he had always had from home. “House trained I see?” Morgana said secretly pleased. She had only just moved in and had been stupid enough to have pale carpets. 

“Mum made sure of that” Merlin grinned. He looked around with interest. There was a small entrance hall with stairs and then to the left was a sitting room. Morgana walked towards the back of the house to the kitchen.   
“A drink first I think” Morgana said “Tea or coffee?”

“Tea please” Merlin was pleased to see that although the kitchen was small it was clean and well stocked with cupboard space, he had inherited his mother’s habit of shopping in bulk once a week and his present accommodation had very little storage space and he hated it.

 

Morgana handed him his tea “Help yourself to sugar, I have mine without” then she pointed to the garden “It’s not big but faces south and is a sun trap.”

“It will be nice to have outside space” Merlin smiled “How long have you been here?”

“Six months, I was going to live here alone, but recently I have been considering a lodger. Then when Gwen mentioned you I thought it would be ideal. The trouble is I didn’t want anyone who would want to party and make noise when I’m trying to kip or have lots of friends round in the day when I’m on nights”

Merlin beamed at her “That’s a concern with me as well, that’s why I was looking for a small flat, but a house would be nicer.” He hesitated before continuing “Look before we go any further and I find I really like the place I wanted to know what your brother’s beef is, only he came to work earlier to speak to me”

“I’ll kill him! He’s over protective that’s all, he won’t accept that a woman can either live alone or have someone from the opposite sex as a lodger. He should have been born centuries ago” she looked at Merlin “Please ignore him, he will come round eventually and if not I’ll hit him with my stilettos. One other thing by the way the fact that Arthur is my biological brother is not commonly known, People refer to us as siblings because we grew up in the same house. Our esteemed father the bastion of decent society had an affair. I love Arthur like a brother but Uther I hate” 

“That’s your business, I don’t gossip, talking about private business did Gwen tell you I am gay. I don’t care who knows but don’t openly advertise it. Some patients find it difficult especially the older ones.”

“She did, but Merlin that’s your business and not mine or anyone else’s. And yes I’m comfortable with that so now we know each other secrets let’s do a tour of the house, it won’t take long.”

The house had a reasonable sized sitting room and two bedrooms both doubles and the same size. “Yours is at the front of the house as I like to look over the garden and fields. Neither has an on suite so we will share the bathroom. As I said not huge but enough”

“I like it, and it will give me more space than I have now” Merlin told her 

“Good well I have checked with letting agents and they have advised four hundred and forty a month, that includes all bills except for food. I will give you a use of half the kitchen space, fridge and freezer. And we will have to share the cleaning. Does that sound fair?”

“Yes I can do that, now my references, I have the addresses of my last landlord and employer and can get you more if you need” Merlin told her as he handed her an envelope. “I assume it will be on a three month trial on both sides? That’s what I’ve had in my last two places. And do you have any rules I need to know about?” 

“I hadn’t thought about a trial period, I suppose that makes sense. As to the rest month’s rent in advance and other than that just consideration when the other person is on nights, noisy sex to be restricted to when I’m on nights!” Morgana said with a grin “If you have anyone to stay over they are not to sleep on my sofa. I understand you are a non-smoker and I can’t think of anything else….. oh and leave the kitchen and bathroom tidy and wash your own dishes and when you trim that delicious beard of yours don’t leave hairs everywhere” 

“Really Morgana! Delicious beard?”

“Well it’s true it suits you, I might even fancy you myself if you weren’t gay” she said with a grin as Merlin blushed

Merlin decided that was a comment best left unanswered “That all sounds fair, as I’m single at the moment the noisy sex shouldn’t be a problem, I don’t do casual sex. Right well if you are happy let me know as soon as you get my references so I can move in” Merlin said with yet another grin. “Does your boyfriend mind you having a man living with you? Only I already have your brother on my case” Merlin grinned.

Morgana looked at Merlin strangely “No boyfriend, look I think I’d better tell you, hospital gossip is sure to. I went out with Leon for two years we broke up six months ago. Don’t worry we are still friends, Leon has been Arthur’s best friend for ever and we sort of drifted into going out and stayed together because it was easy. Then we both woke up to the fact that we didn’t really love each other.” 

Merlin wondered if Leon felt the same way, Morgana must have read his thoughts because she said “Leon told me he thought it was a good idea, to have a man about, he really doesn’t mind. Both he and Arthur seem to think I need protecting. Sweet but untrue. Leon has a new girlfriend, Mithian, so he really has no hang ups”

“Ok as long as you’re sure, I mean I wouldn’t want to be in the way. Just let me know if you change your mind before Wednesday. I have to give a months’ notice so it’s no problem.”

“Move in tomorrow if you like I’m a good judge of character and so are Leon and Gwen and they vouched for you. Anyway any problems and my brother is a copper.” Morgana smiled “I think we are going to be good friends Merlin”

“Thanks I’ll write you out a cheque and move on my next days off.” Merlin said reasonably. “I have Wednesday and Thursday off next week and if you’re happy I will do us a meal to celebrate my moving in”

 

“You cook as well?” Morgana said with a smile “That’s great, I do a bit but it’s no fun cooking just for yourself. If we share days off perhaps we could eat together.”

“I wouldn’t say I was a great cook but Mum taught me enough to get by” Merlin admitted. “I’ll leave you to it I have to get back, I have washing to get done”

“It was nice to see you Merlin and may this be the beginning of a great friendship” 

Merlin didn’t see either Morgana or her brother until the Friday when Leon talked him into going to the Dragon once again. As they walked in Arthur was the only one there. He glared at Merlin “So you are moving in with my sister then” 

“I am going to be her lodger yes, if that’s what you mean. That is unless she changes her mind before Wednesday” Merlin told the blonde “Look I really don’t see what your problem is”

Leon put his hand on his registrars shoulder “Take no notice of Arthur Merlin, he’s always been protective of his sister, god knows why she is more than capable of looking after herself”

Merlin decided to be conciliatory he really didn’t want to make an enemy of Morgana’s brother and make life difficult for her. “It must be nice to have someone who cares that much about you”

“You make it sound as if no one cares about what happens to you” Leon said surprised at the loneliness that sounded in Merlin’s voice.

“Well I have no relatives left, my mother died eighteen months ago…car accident. I was an only child” Merlin said “Anyway enough about me would you two like a drink?” After the others told him what they wanted Merlin went to the bar. 

Leon turned to his friend “Leave off Arthur, he’s a good man, Morgana could have done a lot worse and at least she will have a man about the house”

“You’re bias, anyway you’ve only known him a short time”

“I have but in that time I have developed a huge respect for him, he will go far. He can charm drunks into behaving and always keeps an eye on the nurses if someone is trouble. And the patients love him. Gwen thinks the world of him as well” Leon explained “You know I care about Morgana, it might not have worked out between us but we will always be friends.”

“Oh that’s alright then, if Gwen like him he must be perfect” came the sarcastic comeback. “Gwen thinks everyone is lovely, it’s inbuilt in the woman, she’d find something nice to say about a mass murderer. Look I know you care as well, but I am her brother”

With that Merlin was back with their drinks and the others started to arrive. Morgana sat herself next to Merlin “You all ready to move?” she asked

“As long as you’re still happy” Merlin glanced across at Arthur before continuing. “It won’t take much, most of my stuff is in store. I only have my medical books and a few clothes”

“Of course I am, I’m looking forward to it, and take no notice of my brother” she glared at Arthur and it was clear they had had words.

 

“I wouldn’t want to cause problems in the family” Merlin said quietly.

“You won’t grumps will get over it. Any way where else will I find house mate who takes of his shoes the minute he’s in the door and who can cook?” Morgana grinned “Move in whenever you like” with that she handed him a key “I had your key cut today, I’m also off on Wednesday so I can help if you need it”

Arthur decided he would have to just keep an eye on his sister, and if necessary he would ask up at the Liverpool police if they had anything on Dr Emrys. Arthur didn’t want to think he was being paranoid but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Merlin was hiding something. He was kept very busy so wasn’t there as Merlin moved in, but he arrived later that afternoon. Merlin was in his room when Arthur arrived and Morgana threatened “Be nice Arthur!”

Merlin came out of his room, not realising they had company he called out “Just going into the garden the signal on my phone is crap”

Morgana took her brother into the kitchen and made then all a drink. Picking up hers and Merlin’s she signalled to Arthur to open the door. He walked out to the table and chairs and heard Merlin finish his conversation ‘you’re sure it won’t be a risk, only I don’t want problems’ 

Then the raven haired man spotted Arthur and finished his call. Morgana looked up “Sorry we weren’t interrupting were we?”

Merlin gave her a smile “No just letting someone have my new address. I might need to get a new provider, my phone has a bad signal here”

Morgana laughed “I haven’t found one that is good down here, great up the hill but we seem to be in a blind spot. You are welcome to use the land line. We can always split the bill”

 

The rest of Merlin’s move went with the minimum for fuss and the pair found they gelled very quickly and had a similar taste in most things. Their shifts meant they didn’t often see each other except for a few hours but the next time they had two days off together they decided to have a meal for their friends. The only down side to that was Arthur as far as Merlin was concerned. They still flew sparks of each other. Arthur was also worried about the phone call he had overheard. So the day after Merlin had moved in he decided to ring his Uncle in Liverpool. Tristian de Bois was Arthur’s uncle on his mother’s side and the man who had inspired Arthur to go into the police force. He had acted as a mentor to his nephew and had always told the blonde to trust his instincts. Arthur waited until one evening when he was Farley certain that his Uncle would be at home. As a Chief Inspector his shifts were more predictable that Arthurs.

“Arthur my boy good to hear from you, what do I owe the honour” as a general rule to couple spoke once a month and they hadn’t gone that long”

“Well I wondered if you might know a name for me. It’s a long shot, Morgana has rented out her spare room to a doctor up at the hospital, he hasn’t been there five minutes and I get a bad feeling about him. From what I can work out he was working at Liverpool for most of his training then did a small stint at Cardiff” 

His Uncle paused “Like you say a long shot, give me a name”

 

“Merlin Emrys he’s young, probably older than he looks but it seems strange he would want to bury himself here. Quite a high flyer so I’m told”

Arthur waited for his Uncle to think, the man had an encyclopaedic memory for names and faces, “Arthur how much digging have you done?”

“Nothing as yet I thought I ask you first, he is really popular, Morgana thinks he’s an angle incarnate. Why?” 

“Then I’m going to ask you to stop now!” there was a pause “Your sister has nothing to fear from Merlin. He’s a good man.”

That stunned the blonde it hadn’t been the reaction he was expecting at all, in fact he half expected a big blank. “You know him?”

“I do, in fact I consider him as much a son as I do you. You are right he does have reasons for moving but as I said they have no bearing on your sister’s safety. I’m going to ask that you don’t tell him you rang me, in fact I’d rather you didn’t mention me at all, unless it comes up in conversation.” Arthur could hear the seriousness in his Uncle’s voice. “We all have things in our life we hide Arthur, just put it down to that and be a friend to him.. Please……when the time is right I’m sure he will tell you”

The conversation left Arthur with more questions than answers, but he knew he would do as his uncle had asked.

 

Merlin was on a long shift before his days off and it was a horrendously busy one. If it hadn’t been for Gwen and Freya Merlin wouldn’t have had a break but they insisted and when he refused they told Leon who forced Merlin to stop. The nurses also made sure Merlin at least drank enough water during the day.

He accepted a heart attack patient during the afternoon and met Will and his new partner Cenred for the first time. During the hand over Merlin immediately took to Will but was less sure of Cenred, but the man was just out of training, having made a career change so it would take him time to settle into the comradery that the A&E staff and ambulance crews soon developed. The patient was being examined when he had another attack and Merlin was soon leading the resuscitation and emergency transfer to the Cardiac Ward. He was then dealing with a road traffic incident victim when he was called into a cubicle to stitch up a man who had been slashed with a knife. 

Sefa one of the nurses he hadn’t worked with before gave him a quick handover “It’s a policeman who interrupted a burglary. He was a four inch cut on his forearm. We have already had it photographed and got all his personal details” 

Walking into the cubicle reading the notes as he went he glanced at the name and looked up quickly “Arthur!” 

The blonde looked at Merlin “Oh it’s you!” As Arthur looked at the doctor he notice had he had gone slightly paler and his pupils dilated. Arthur filing it way as he heard Merlin speak to him

“It is would you rather wait for someone else? Or may I treat you?” Merlin offered but at the same time looked at Arthur arm “I can get you sorted in no time.”

“No go ahead” Arthur sounded less than happy, despite talking top his uncle he still had reservations about the doctor. But perhaps he would lean something by getting to know the man. Merlin quickly took a history and after checking for allergies and set to work as one of the nurses set up a trolley for him he asked all the necessary questions then he pulled a facemask on over his stubble beard and after washing his hands and gloving up started to clean the wound.

“There’s no nerve or structural damage. You could have an anaesthetic if you prefer or I could do it here under local” Merlin looked at Arthur 

“Just get on with it” Arthur said Merlin immediately drew up the local anaesthetic and injected it into Arthurs arm.

“It stings when it goes in but some numbs” he told the blonde. “Do you want someone to tell your sister you are here?” 

“Christ no! Not until it’s sorted” Arthur said “No point in worrying her”

As Merlin worked he continued to ask Arthur questions more to take Arthurs mind off what he was doing than anything else. Arthur couldn’t help but be impressed with Merlin he was quick but good.

After the injections Arthur really didn’t feel a thing. “When I had stitches last time it still hurt, it doesn’t this time” he admitted

Merlin smiled up at him “That’s because I was taught to give nerve blocks, the whole area will be numb for a couple of hours then it will gradually wear off. I see you had photos taken. They will be available if your lot what them.” 

Merlin put a dressing over the wound. “No getting this wet for fourteen days and no lifting or using your arm for anything much. I will sign you off work for a week and see you then for a review” he pulled the face mask of and threw it in the bin.

“I can’t stay off work for a small cut” Arthur growled glaring up at Merlin as he did the light caught on Merlin’s chin and Arthur was sure he saw a scar line running under the facial hair. Was this part of the mystery surrounding the doctor? Deciding to just store this away he said nothing after all it wasn’t his business.

“I can’t make you but the cut was deep and over a muscle, abuse it and it’s likely to break down. I will document my advice and that I have told you no driving until the stitches are out. If you don’t want to come here you can see your GP.” Merlin told the blond “The surgery will get a copy of my notes for your records”

“You don’t have much of a bedside manner do you?” Arthur snapped his good intentions flying out of the window.

“I do when it’s needed. You are no fool but I can’t make you do what you don’t want to” Merlin pointed out. “Now any questions because if you don’t I have more people to see. The nurse will get you some painkillers and antibiotics. I understand your tetanus is up to date” Merlin waited for a moment then said “Goodbye Sergeant Pendragon, the nurse will be with you shortly.”

As Merlin went out of the cubicle Arthur said “Thank you Dr Emrys”

Merlin kept walking, the blonde puzzled him. What had he done to deserve such animosity? Merlin was a friendly man who prided himself on getting on with most people he encountered. He couldn’t believe this was just about him house sharing. What was the blonde’s problem? He walked to the nurse’s station and saw Freya “Cubicle four needs painkillers and Antibiotics and make sure he gets a care of stitches leaflet. Remind him he either needs to see me in a week or his GP”

Then Merlin went into the office to write his notes before heading to his next patient. Freya went to the cubicle “Arthur! Merlin didn’t say it was you, what happened?”

Arthur explained then said “Is he always so brusque?”

“What Merlin! He’s the nicest man I know” Freya exclaimed

“He’s good at his job I agree but his manner leaves something to be desired” Arthur told the nurse

Freya did what Merlin had asked her and as Arthur went to leave she said “Arthur don’t let the fact that Merlin is house sharing with Morgana cloud your view of Merlin, he’s a good man”

“If you say so Freya, everyone seems to think he is”

Arthur left the department to find Lance waiting for him outside “Come on Arthur I’ll drive you home, how’s the arm?”

“I don’t know what Dr Emrys did to it but it doesn’t hurt at all, he said it would wear of in a couple of hours” Arthur told his friend 

“So you got looked after by Merlin did you, lucky fellow, Gwen says he’s the best doctor they have. Everyone is very impressed with him” then Lance looked at Arthur “Does Morgana know? Because you better tell her”

“Not yet, I suppose I’d better before Emrys blabs” otherwise Arthur might not have told his sister

“I bet he doesn’t” Lance said with a grin. “Patient confidentiality”

“And as soon not take the chance, it seems like I’ve got to have 10 days to a fortnight off, the bastard said he write his recommendations in the notes. Drop me off at the station and I’ll do the paperwork and speak to them to see if I can do something other than stay at home”

Lance grinned “You offering to do paperwork!”

“I know but I can’t just stay home doing nothing.” Arthur protested as he got his phone out and rang his sister not wanting her to find out from anyone else.

Morgana was mad that Arthur hadn’t told her while he was still in hospital “I finish at three I will pick you up from the station and don’t you dare argue” she managed to phone down to A&E at lunchtime and tried to speak to Merlin but he was busy so she spoke to Freya. “How bad was it?”

“It could have been worse” Freya said “And he had Merlin sew him up, he’s the best I’ve seen, better than many of the plastic surgeons, He uses nerve blocks as well rather than local infiltration” 

Morgana was impressed “I hope he was civil?”

“Merlin or Arthur?” Freya grinned “Those two seem two have a real problem, don’t worry they both survived”

Morgana got off on time and drove to the police station to collect her brother. “You can come home with me, I will feed you” then she looked with some sympathy at her brother “Does it hurt?”

“It didn’t but it does now, I suppose whatever he did has worn off. I have taken some painkillers” Arthur rubbed his arm

“Leave it alone. Merlin will be home by five he can check you then”

“No way, I’ll be gone by then” Arthur looked horrified at the thought of seeing the doctor again.

“You are staying the night!” Morgana told him “I will sleep on the sofa”

“Bugger off Morgana, I might have stayed if you had had a spare bedroom but you are not sleeping on the sofa!” Arthur was clearly going to be awkward. Morgana made Arthur a drink and then started to get them both a meal. Deciding that it was best just to drop everything for a while.

At five thirty Merlin arrived and looking at Morgana said “I have just come for a change in clothes I will sleep in the doctor on call room tonight, that way your brother can have my bed”

“There’s no need Merlin I will have the sofa.” Morgana told him

“No it’s no problem I’m on an early tomorrow” Merlin grinned and walked into his room and collected a change of clothes and some washing kit. Looking at Arthur he said “The sheets are clean I’ve just changed them”

Arthur looked at the doctor “You had no need to do that”

“Maybe not but it would be best if you have someone about. It’s no problem” he walked towards the door.

“Well at least have something to eat before you go, I have cooked enough for three” Morgana looked at her new friend

The meal was difficult with the two men still not talking when Morgana popped out to the garage to get some ice cream from the freezer Arthur turned to the other man “Thanks, It is good of you, Gana would have been worried if I had gone home. But you can have your bed back tomorrow”

Merlin looked at the blonde “I’d have do it for anyone” 

“Yes but you are doing it for me and I haven’t exactly been nice to you.” 

“Well I suppose as a King Prat that’s the nearest you will come to an apology, just don’t strain yourself.” Merlin stood up “I don’t want ice cream I will say goodbye to your sister on the way out”


	3. Chapter 3

“What did you do?” Morgana demanded from the doorway “That man gives up his bed for the night and you upset him, what kind of idiot are you?” 

“I didn’t do anything but thank him for the bed, and admit I hadn’t been exactly nice to him in the past” Arthur shook his head “I know you think it’s me but that man has a problem” he paused “Do you think it’s coppers?”

“No he gets on fine with Lance and Elyan, it’s just you Arthur, he’s right you know you are a prat” Morgana put a bowl of ice cream in front of her brother. “Just sort it out, Merlin is part of our group now, everyone but you loves him, he is a real peach”

Then her eyes softened “you were lucky today, please be careful Arthur, I couldn’t bear to lose you”

“I got slashed on the arm because the vest did its work. You know my job sis, It’s not like it happens much” Arthur reassured her “I’m fine...promise”

Six o’clock the next morning Arthur woke up and took some more painkillers for his arm. Morgana had given him extra pillows to help keep his arm elevated but it was sore. Knowing he wouldn’t go back to sleep but not wanting to go downstairs in case he woke his sister up he looked at a stack of Merlin’s books to see if there was anything he could read. Most seemed to be medical books then he found a small book of poetry. Not his normal reading but it might pass the time. He had been reading for about half an hour when the door opened and Morgana came in with a cup of tea.

“Hi Brother, I saw the light so thought you might like a cup of tea.” She smiled at him 

“What you doing up? Aren’t you on a day off” Arthur demanded looking up from his book

“I was worried about you” she admitted. She say on the edge of the bed “Make the most of it, it won’t last.” Then she grabbed the book “What are you reading……..poetry!”

“It was the only thing that wasn’t medical and I didn’t want to disturb you by going downstairs, actually it’s quite good” Arthur admitted

Morgana looked at the book then up at her brother “Did you see who wrote it?”

“No didn’t look I don’t know any poets except for Wordsworth” he smiled at the memory “Remember our school teacher making us read it? Put me off for life” 

“Seriously look” Morgana shoved the book under her brothers nose ‘Poems of my life. Hunith Emrys’

Then Morgana looked inside at the dedication “To my son Merlin who paid to have my drivel put in print, the best son anyone could ever have” There was a tear in her eyes “She’s dead you know, he mentioned it but he doesn’t speak of her except to say she taught him to cook”

“Yes I did, he mention he had no family left, it was couple of years ago I think….Car crash” Arthur admitted “Look let me put it back and don’t mention it to him, he might think I was snooping”

Arthur got up and as he went to place the book with the others a piece of paper fell out. Morgana bent and picked it up. “This fell out”

Giving it a quick glance she was about to hand it to Arthur but looked again. It was a clean shaven Merlin with another man, the both looked very happy. It was clearly a photo from a civil partnership as they were holding the documentation between them and each of the men were showing their rings. “I didn’t know Merlin was married, what do you think happened?”

Arthur took the photo and looked at it “If he wants you to know he will tell you Morgana I think we have snooped enough” 

“We didn’t snoop, it was accidental, anyway it might explain his attitude to you!” Morgana said

“What do you mean?” he demanded

“Arthur look at the other man!, alright you aren’t twins but same build, blond, blue eyes. If they split perhaps you remind him to much of painful times” Morgana carefully placed the photo back in the book. “Merlin might not even remember the photo being in the book.” She looked sad “Come on brother let’s have breakfast, then you best ring Uther, if he finds out you were injured and didn’t tell him he will be more unbearable than ever. I still don’t know why you don’t just break with him completely”

“Because Morgana he is my father, yes he is a bigot and his behaviour was wrong but at the end of the day I wouldn’t have had a sister otherwise” Arthur paused “I hardly speak to him anyway” 

“That’s because you row when you do, one day you will do as I did and be much happier for it, he really doesn’t deserve you” 

As Morgana had predicted Uther Pendragon was outraged that the hospital hadn’t contacted him when Arthur had gone to A&E “Why should they? Arthur said “I wasn’t in any danger I wasn’t even admitted. I think you will find as an adult you had no need to know”

“Then it seems to me that the doctor was negligent, you should have been kept in, and if it was necessary for you to stay at your sisters you clearly needed observation. They would have kept you in if Morgana wasn’t a Nurse. Give me the doctors name and I’ll get right on it” Uther as always only saw what he wanted to.

Arthur rolled his eyes, glad his father couldn’t see him or he would get another reprimand like a naughty schoolboy. “Father I will not give you the doctors name, he was more than good enough. I wasn’t kept in because there was no need for me to be, I came here to keep Morgana happy. You are not to interfere”

The minute Arthur put the phone down he rang Leon “My father will be ringing the hospital he has it in his head I should have been kept in and is going to complain, he wanted Merlin’s name but I didn’t give it to him”

“I heard you had been in, looked at the photos, don’t worry I agree with Merlin’s decision. Anyway your father does know you are a consenting adult doesn’t he?” Leon’s voice had an amused tone behind it. “Seriously how is it feeling?

“Better than I thought, whatever Merlin did it was good” Arthur admitted somewhat reluctantly.

“Oh good a convert, you had the best man, I wouldn’t have given you a nerve block, I leave that fancy stiff to the plastic bods and hardly any of them bother for something like that” Leon admitted.

“Leon could you do something for me…….can you change my next of kin on the hospital records to Morgana? It might save future problems” 

“Come in and I will but you need to be here, sorry but your father is a stickler I either need to face to face or in writing” Leon admitted

“Ok see you later I’ll buy you a costa” Arthur told his friend. Turning to Morgana “I should have asked you first I suppose”

“No need to, it makes sense anyway, you’re my next of kin, I changed it when I split with Leon. Come on get washed and changed and I’ll run you up there. Are you staying here again tonight?”

“No, let the man have his bed back, do you know what he drinks only I’ll get him a bottle. I see at the pub he only has cider or soft drinks” the blonde asked his sister

“I don’t think he does, he always has tea here” she said unhelpfully. “Just say thank you and mean it”

Merlin spent a disturbed night in the on call room. The on call doctor had had a busy night knowing why Merlin was sleeping there he felt guilty when his bleep kept going off. At one stage Merlin had even leant him a hand. Luckily Merlin had a short shift the next morning as he had research time scheduled. He had just seen his last patient and was writing up the notes when a “Dr Emrys?” attracted his attention, turning round he saw a man in his mid-fifties, who looked vaguely familiar, although Merlin was sure he hadn’t been a patient. He hadn’t been there long enough to forget faces yet.

“Yes it is, can I help you?” Merlin wondered if it was a relative of his last patient, although if it was the man shouldn’t have come to the office which was for staff only.

“You treated my son yesterday, I believe you discharged him inappropriately would you care to explain yourself?” without giving Merlin chance to say anything the man continued his booming voice carrying over the department “Just because his sibling is a senior Sister in this hospital doesn’t mean you can renege on your reasonability to your patients”

Merlin stood up now knowing who was stood in front of him “Did Mr Pendragon Jr tell you that’s what happened?” Merlin could see where Arthur got his arrogance from. “Either way Sir I cannot discuss the care of a patient without express permission 0f the patient, he is after all not a minor. If you feel you have a grievance I suggest you contact the Patient Advice and Liaison Service who will be able to advise you. Now you are in a staff area only so could I ask you to please leave” Merlin kept his voice low and calm refusing to be drawn. 

Before Uther had the chance to speak Leon came into the office having heard the raised voice of a man he knew only too well. “Hello Uther. Would you like to come with me I’m sure this can be sorted.” Turning to Merlin “Dr Emrys I know you have another place to be, off you go”

Leon expertly steered Uther into his office and closed the door. Uther turned to Leon “I suppose you will defend that young man”

“Arthur already warned me you might turn up, quite how you got in here I don’t know. Your position doesn’t give you that right”

“I am Arthur’s father, thus his next of kin!”

“You are his father yes, but he has changed his next of kin to Morgana as is his right. As Dr Emrys explained your son is an adult.” Leon was used to standing up to Uther who had hated his relationship with Morgana. “When I heard that Arthur had been in I checked his file. Nothing Mr Emrys did was in anyway inappropriate. Your son was lucky to be treated by such a skilled Registrar. He was offered a General Anaesthetic but opted himself for a local.” 

Leon looked at the M.P. “Uther don’t try and turn this into something it isn’t, if you have an issue with your son being injured, he is a police officer, live with it. Don’t come here throwing your weight around with my staff, If Arthur has any complaints I will deal with them but he seemed more than pleased with the treatment he received by all the staff here.”

Uther looked dumbstruck at being spoken to in such a manner “I have you know I am on the board of Governors!” Uther blustered.

“I know, I also know what Morgana will have to say about this if you make it a problem. You forget Sir I know your ‘foster’ daughter well” Leon laid a small emphasis on the ‘foster’ as Uther knew he was aware of their true relationship. “Have you even been to see Arthur since his assault?...... No I thought not, if you had I’m sure you would have been much happier and not had the need to make this trip. Now you are wasting NHS time” Leon opened his office door “I will escort you to the door so you don’t get lost”

After Uther had gone Leon sat down and grinned that had felt so good, and what’s more he knew Uther would do nothing about it. He wouldn’t want the press hearing he had complained about NHS treatment when he hadn’t even visited his son. That had made up for so many insults he had put up with in the past. He couldn’t help but think sometimes power was a good thing. He looked at the department they had hit a temporary lull as sometimes happened. “Gwen, would you mind dreadfully doing me a favour”

“You know I wouldn’t” Gwen grinned at her boss, like everyone she had seen Uther in the department and had also seen him leave. She could also sense the Consultants good mood.  
Leon handed her a ten pound note “Pop to the canteen and buy enough cakes for all the staff. Oh and if you could pop past the library and ask Merlin to pop back up”

“It will be a pleasure Leon”

One of the other Consultants came out of his office “Glad you caught that one Leon”

“Not as glad as I am. Politicians! One rule for them and one for the rest of us” Leon retorted.

His colleague laughed “I’d say you leant some lessons when you dated Morgana, call me when the cakes arrive”


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin arrived in A&E at the same time as Gwen and the cakes. She offered him one “What’s this for someone’s birthday?”

“Yes Leon’s! You gave him the chance to have a go at Uther, he’s wanted to do that for years” she said with a grin. Leon overheard and added

“It felt good the pompous man, what right does he think he has to try to interfere in his son’s life so much! Not to mention making spurious complaints about my staff!” Leon was grinning from ear to ear. 

Merlin blushed “Thanks boss but I could have dealt with him, I knew I was right, we all make mistakes sometimes, but that defiantly wasn’t one”

“Like Gwen said it was a pleasure, he made my life hell when I was with Morgana, but I kept quiet not wanting him to take it out on her. Now I haven’t got to” Leon grabbed a cake “Best get one before this lot eat them all.” He nodded to Merlin “Come into my office please I wanted to ask you something”

Once the two men were sat down Leon looked at his registrar “Firstly I wanted to say what an excellent job you did of Arthur’s arm yesterday. He came in this morning as he wanted to change his nok to his sister on the files. “I talked him into letting me look at his arm. Arthur has been my best friend since primary school, he’s not always easy to put up with but he is a good man.” Leon smiled

“I can see where he gets it from!” Merlin said without hesitation.

“Maybe Merlin, but don’t judge him, Uther is not an easy father and without a mum for most of his childhood Arthur had a hard time. Uther wants perfection and uses intimidation to get his way” Leon hesitated “But that’s not what I wanted to see you about. I wanted to ask you a big favour …. Hear me out before you agree” he added quickly as he could see Merlin was about to agree.

“I like most doctors have never mastered nerve blocks and so never use them, I wondered if I am ever on duty with you whether you would let me observe? What you did with Arthur impressed me, I know you’ve used them several times since you’ve been here. I like to think none of us are too old to learn” Leon hoped his registrar didn’t feel he had to.

Merlin grinned “Of course you can Sir, to be honest I just seem to have the knack. But it is more effective than infiltration for a larger area. I was lucky I had a good teacher”

The two men sent the next twenty minutes discussing the technique then Leon looked at his watch “Thank you, now I have a meeting, go home, and don’t think I don’t know where you slept last night and why! Also that you helped out on the department” he clapped Merlin on the back “You are a real asset to us, but look after yourself ok?”

Merlin took the opportunity offered and headed down the hill, he wanted to find out whether Arthur still needed his bed, if he did then he was going to ask if he could stay at Arthur’s it was only fair. When he got in it was to find Morgana changing his sheets. “Hi Merlin, I took Arthur home so your bed is yours again, thank you for that it was very kind of you and Arthur did appreciate it”

“No problem, you needn’t have changed the sheets again though” he told her

“Fairs fair you gave Arthur clean ones. Now I will cook the meal tonight”

“Why not have a takeaway?” Merlin suggested “I quite fancy a curry and they are just easier to get in”

“Good idea, I think I’ll have some beer in the fridge or maybe some whiskey somewhere” Morgana offered remembering her brother wanted to know what Merlin drank.

“No for me, I don’t actually like alcohol much, I have it at the pub sometimes it’s just easier but I would rather have tea” Merlin said honestly.

“If we order it early enough we could eat tin the garden” Morgana suggested with a grin “That way the place won’t stink all evening”

So in the early evening the two of them were sat in the garden enjoying a leisurely meal. “You know what I am thinking of getting a hot tub” Morgana told him “I thought it would be great to relax in. Leon’s brother in law runs a firm that sells them and I can get a good discount. What do you think?” 

“Its your house Morgana, but aren’t they expensive?”

“They aren’t cheap, but I can get on for about half price and I thought since I had your rent coming in I might treat myself instead of going abroad this year. You could use it whenever you wanted to” 

“You’re very kind Morgana, I would pay extra as I’m sure running costs are high” Merlin liked the idea especially after a hectic shift.

Morgana was back on duty the next day and so Merlin heard no more. Until a couple of weeks later when Merlin went down for breakfast on his day off he found Morgana in the kitchen with Percy. The new Paramedic had become increasingly close to Morgana over the last couple of weeks so Merlin wasn’t that surprised to see him there, although he knew he hadn’t been there all night.

“Hi Percy, you’re up and out bright and early” Merlin said to him. The big man was very quiet when in company but was always more talkative if you ever got him on his own.

“Yeh, well I’ve been out for my run and Morgana asked if I would pop round” he said smiling.

“The hot tub is coming this morning and I thought we could try it out!” Morgana grinned “That’s after you have both helped me sort it out.”

Merlin rolled his eyes “When did you order that?”

“I spoke to the company and they had a demo model going really reasonable so I grabbed it. That was last week and they ran yesterday to ask if they could deliver it” Morgana explained “It’s a good job I have that concreted area just where I thought I would put it”

Merlin just had time to grab something to eat and dress before the lorry arrived “I figured I’d have a shower after you have made me all hot and sweaty” he told his friend. As it happened none of them had hardly anything to do. The company had sent all the people they needed to fit up the hot tub and within a couple of hours it was wired in and set up. Now it was full and the water was heating. Once it was all tested Morgana paid and the men went on their way.

“It won’t be ready to use until tomorrow and as everything is done I guess that’s it” Morgana said smiling

“Well in that case I’ll leave you two love birds and go and have my shower. I think I’ll go down town and get my shopping in.” Merlin grinned as Morgana looked at Percy and blushed 

“You won’t tell anyone will you?” she pleaded “Its not secret but it is new”

“Your business, but I think you will find several people have noticed……..maybe not your brother yet, but them Percy is big enough to eat him for breakfast” Merlin grinned. “Oh by the way just so you know I will be off Friday and Saturday but I am going away so I won’t be about, just in case you have plans”

Morgana realising what Merlin was suggesting picked up a cushion and threw at him “Where you going?” she demanded

Merlin turned an just before he disappeared he replied “North Wales, Mum’s grave” and he was gone

Percy looked at Morgana “I didn’t know Merlin’s mum was dead”

“Yeh a couple of years ago, as far as I know he has no living family” Morgana said softly.

“Oh I think he does, he has to be the most popular man I know, from what I see at the hospital Gwen and Freya have adopted him and so have you” Percy hugged his girlfriend. “So what are we going to do now?”

Merlin’s trip to Wales gave Morgana and Percy the privacy to continue their relationship and Merlin was happy for them, they seemed a lovely couple. Morgana for her part noticed that Merlin seemed quieter when he returned from his trip, but other than saying she was there if he wanted to talk left him alone. They had fallen into an easy relationship and it was soon clear to Morgana that Merlin as a ‘keeper’ as a tenant so after six weeks she told him that as far as she was concerned the trial period was over. She knew he had belongings in store and suggest he move them in to save money. So Merlin spent his next day off arranging to get a few things from store and having the delivered to the house and making his room more his own. His book shelf was the first to be filled. Then as he got the rest of his things in place he sat down satisfied. Although he did wonder of he would ever be in a position to get all his things from storage as some of the bulker items would have to wait until he had his own house. They were things he had kept of his mothers. Collecting a box he had left downstairs he took it into the kitchen to unpack. Inside was his slow cooker and his set of kitchen knives from store. He placed the knives in one of the draws allocated to him and the slow cooker in the cupboard below. He had always found it a useful device allowing his to come home to a hot meal without risk of it being ruined if he was late for some reason. It also had the benefit of being very easy to use. 

 

Merlin then decided to start getting things ready for that evening Morgana had invited the gang round for a BBQ probably the last of the year as it was now September and getting colder. Although everyone was bringing something he need to get things set up in the garden. That way it would be ready for when Morgana got home. Everything was pretty much sorted when his landlady got back.

“You are an angel Merlin” she told him giving him a kiss on the cheek. “What is it with all you guys now growing beards. You, Leon, Gwaine and now I see Lance has one going?”

Merlin grinned “I’ve had one for a couple of years now, I doubt Lance will keep his I don’t think Gwen likes it”

“Why have you got one?” Morgana persisted

“I thought it might make me look older” he said flippantly handing her a cup of tea “Now go up and sort yourself out it will take you a couple of hours”

Morgana grinned “Yes dear!”

A couple of hours later and everyone one had arrived, Gwaine had taken over the bar and Percy and Leon the BBQ. The hot tub was being used and was very popular. Merlin was sat in one of the chairs drinking his cup of tea.

“Merlin as you aren’t in the tub yet would you mind getting out some more burgers from the fridge?” Leon called out

As always good natured Merlin stood up and headed indoors, as he came back out he walked into Arthur who was carrying a couple of glasses of red wine, which Arthur managed to mostly save, but some splashed down Merlin’s white t shirt. Over the months the two men had developed an uneasy truce it was clearly too good to last.

“You clumsy idiot, good job it didn’t go over my new trousers!” Arthur snapped

“Maybe not but look at my t shirt!” Merlin said

Morgana in a hope of keeping the peace intervened “Take it of Merlin and I’ve got some soda water that will get it out”

Merlin glared at Arthur and went to walk back indoors. Morgana followed “Hand it over before you go upstairs the quicker the better”

“Yes Merlin, stop being such a shy boy, we’ve all seen a bare chest before yours can’t be any different” Arthur said sarcastically. 

Gwen and Lance had already tried to get Merlin in the hot tub and he had refused amid teasing he was shy. Merlin had used the tub but only when it was just him and Morgana and even then he had kept an old t shirt on saying he caught the sun easily.

Merlin turned and glared at Arthur the comments had clearly touched a nerve “And how would you know” he demanded “What do you know about anything you conceited arse” with that he took waked off.

Arthur was shocked and surprised at the reaction. Gwaine looked at the blonde “Well done Princess, why did you upset Merlin?”

Morgana glared at her brother and went upstairs to find Merlin in the bathroom rinsing out his t shirt he had already got a new one on. She had been surprised at Merlin’s reaction but supposed Arthur must have hit a nerve somewhere. “You alright Merlin?

Merlin looked at Morgana shame faced “Fine, sorry about that, a bit tetchy I guess. I’ll be down soon”

 

It was an hour later when a very subdued Merlin walked back out into the garden. It had taken all his courage to do so, but the alternative would have been to run again and he had already done that twice. He knew he had acted stupidly and he needed to face his friends, If he didn’t the man who had done this to him would have won. As he walked out Arthur was the first to speak. “Sorry if I upset you” he said simply but sincerely.

Merlin nodded, Gwaine walked up to Merlin, the two had become quite close in the past few weeks, he simply hugged Merlin and led him to a chair and went to get him a cup of tea. Although the atmosphere was strained people continued to talk. The party finished earlier than normal and by ten it was just Morgana, Merlin Percy, Arthur and Leon left. Leon stood up “I best go do you want a lift Arthur?”

Arthur looked up and took the hint “Yeh I’ll get my jacket.” As he went to stand Merlin’s voice was heard “Thank you and I’m sorry, I’m not sure why I flipped”

Arthur looked at the other man “I guess we all do sometime. I shouldn’t have been so rude”

“No maybe not” then with a trace of his old grin “Did you just apologise Pendragon?”

Morgana knowing what Merlin was trying to do chuckled “Make the most of it Merlin, it won’t ever be heard again. I’ve known him most of my life and it’s a first”

“I resent that! I do apologise it’s just that I don’t usually have to as it is so seldom I am wrong”

Percy stood up “I best get going to, I’ll see you tomorrow Morgs” He kissed his girlfriend, earning him a glare from Arthur who still wasn’t sure what he thought of what was clearly a budding romance. 

Once everyone had left Merlin stood up and went into the garden checking that everything had been collected and then helped Morgana to put the cover over the hot tub. As they walked back indoors Merlin turned to Morgana “I’m sorry for ruining your party, you are a good friend and you didn’t deserve that.”

“It wasn’t your fault Merlin, if it was any ones it was Arthur’s he can be so sarcastic, I wonder sometimes how he is such a good copper”

Merlin looked at Morgana “I expect he’s different then, we seem to have always managed to spark off on another and that might be my fault to. He sort of reminds me of someone who I have history with, I didn’t realise it until the other day. As I said I’m sorry I’m a bit screwed up emotionally sometimes”

“Merlin I won’t pry, but you know where I am if you need to talk” Morgana looked at Merlin with concern.

“Yeh thanks but I do have someone I talk to ok. I cope most of the time, I just have times when something triggers me.” He paused realising he was saying more than he wanted to “Good night Morgana” Merlin walked up to his room and closed the door.

Morgana followed but it was ages before she fell asleep. That night when Merlin woke shouting from a nightmare Morgana got up and made him a cup of tea. She went into his room and gave it to him and then left when he made it clear he didn’t want her there.

The next morning when she got up, Morgana heard Merlin talking to someone on his phone. So she went straight downstairs and stayed there until he came down later. There was no way she wanted to overhear anything, if he had a source of help than he needed to know he would have privacy. As promised no one mentioned anything to either Merlin or anyone else.

But that didn’t stop Arthur for one thinking. He had begun to think that Merlin had been in an abusive relationship. The photo, facial scarring and then his reaction to seeing Arthur’s own knife wound, even if he had covered up quickly. He had decided that was Merlin’s reason for moving and felt angry that Merlin had taken his similarities to the ex-partner and become antagonistic. Like his Uncle had told him everyone has secrets. But he had had to push it with his sarcastic comments and now he knew Merlin must feel exposed. Arthur was a good cop, he was able normally to see the other persons point of view and keep calm, but he knew that Merlin has somehow managed to bypass that, but Arthur was also honest enough with himself to realise any animosity the two men had had was more his fault than Merlin’s and that he had used the fact that he had moved in with Morgana to justify his feelings. That made for an uncomfortable truth.

A couple of days later Arthur had a phone call from his Uncle Tristan “Hi Arthur, look we are coming down for a few days, your aunty wants to see a friend, came we stay at the flat again?”

Arthur smiled he not only loved his uncle and his wife but they had twenty month old daughter that he adored. “Of course you can. When will you be here?”

“Wednesday afternoon, should get to your place about flourish depending on the traffic. We want to stay until Sunday night. That way we should have time to see you as well. When are you off?”

“That’s good I’m on a night shift Tuesday and Wednesday then I have four days off. So if you can let me sleep Thursday for a while I’m all yours. Do you still have your key?”

They talked for a while then after making all the arrangements they needed to Arthur rang off. 

Tristan and his wife Ann had married later in life and were delighted and surprised to find they were expecting their first child a few years previously. Ann was in her early forties so they knew it would be their only chance. Their little girl was the apple of their eye and couldn’t have had two more devoted parents. It would be good to spend some time with them. Arthur was always pleased to see them and it was one of the reasons he had bought the flat he had. Other than his father, Morgana and his father’s brother Agravaine, Tristian was Arthur’s only family and had been a big influence in his life. Tristian was Arthur’s uncle on his mother’s side so not related to Morgana but they always included her in their visits being fond of the girl. So Arthur let Morgana know of the plans. 

Tristian’s wife meanwhile contacted Merlin about the visit. He had worked with her in Liverpool and they were very good friends and kept in touch. Ann Annis had been Merlin’s consultant, she had used her maiden name for work purposes. Even if she hadn’t De Bois wouldn’t have made Merlin realise the connection with his old life and new. So it was a surprise when Ann mentioned when she rang. “We are staying with Tristian’s nephew while we are here but we fully intend to spend some time with you. How have you been Merlin? Are you happier?”

Ann was one of the few people who knew Merlin very well and who he was able to open up to. “I’m ok, still a few nightmares but much better, its good, my landlady is great and I have several friends” he told her honestly.

“I sense a but “ Ann said “What’s the matter?”.

“My landladies brother” Merlin said “He reminds me of Brad and we sort of argue a bit. He makes me realise I still have a long way to go I guess. It makes me want to move again but I know I can’t”

“Are we going to meet this young lady? Or your friends from work. Gwen and Freya isn’t it?” Ann asked him. She wanted to meet Merlin’s support network although she already knew Merlin hadn’t told them of his past. 

“I don’t know, funnily enough Morgana and her brother have people coming at the same time, they staying with her brother. But I guess you might meet Gwen or Freya I’ll find out their shifts. But Ann I don’t want them to know I’m not ready yet” Merlin pleaded. He liked to keep his past private he didn’t want to talk about it. 

Something clicked “Merlin is your landlady Morgana Le Fey?” 

 

“Yes, do you know her?” Merlin demanded 

“Arthur Pendragon is Tristian’s nephew! It’s a small world.”

Ann heard Merlin’s breathe hitch and she sensed he was beginning to panic “Merlin listen to me, we won’t say anything I promise, not if you don’t want us to, but Arthur is nothing like Brad. Your secret is safe with us, you know that we owe you far too much love”

“They can’t know…..please” Merlin told her “I don’t want them to”

“Then they won’t. Merlin you are the bravest, kindest man I know but you really need to think about what you are doing. No one would ever blame you for anything. Not one thing that happened was your fault. In fact you are a hero in the trust sense of the word” Ann wanted to be there with the raven haired man to comfort him and make sure he was alright. 

“Mum was my fault!” Merlin muttered “She would be alive if not for me”

“Your mother’s death was not your fault Merlin, you know that deep inside, she wouldn’t want you thinking that way either.” Ann felt so much for the young man that in many ways she thought of as a son. She wished he had let them help him more.

“I’ll see you Wednesday, I’ll ring you but I’m working most days so we will need to sort things out. I’ll text you my duties” With that Merlin cut her off.

Ann spoke to her husband “Did you know it was Morgana that Merlin was living with?”

“I did, Arthur rang me just after he was worried and wanted to know if I had heard of Merlin” Tristian admitted

“And you said?”

“I was as vague as I could be and told him not to dig, Ann sooner or later it will come out that we know both and why, I won’t lie. But nor will I compromise Merlin or Arthur. Both are good men and hopefully one day will be friends” 

“Unlikely, Merlin says Arthur reminds him of Brad, that’s a wound that is still raw, Merlin loved that man so much” Ann told her husband “What he did will always hurt Merlin and you know that”

Well let’s hope this trip will bring them all together, but don’t underestimate Arthur, I won’t say a word but that boys a good cop he will work it out and I don’t see how we can stop that. As for Brad, he was never the one for Merlin and he proved that. Merlin wants…..needs someone who will give him back his confidence, yes he’s still a great doctor but he needs more than that in his life ” Tristian hugged his wife

“And you think that’s Arthur!” Ann looked at her husband in astonishment “Your wrong, once it was pointed out I could see they will never be friends, not because Arthur isn’t a great man, he is, but Merlin was to hurt and damaged by Brad for that to ever work. I worry about Merlin ever finding anyone.”


	5. Chapter 5

Merlin managed to get to see Ann and Tristian on Wednesday evening, they arranged to go out for a meal at a restaurant that would allowed children. As Merlin arrived he spotted the others sitting in a quite spot. Their little girl spotted Merlin first and let out a squeal, she might not yet be two but she had met Merlin on many occasion and loved the young doctor. “Hello Poppet” Merlin bent and hugged the child who was sitting in a high chair. Then he gave Ann as kiss on the cheek and shook Tristian’s hand. “It’s good to see you folks.”

“Some here Merlin, we miss you so couldn’t not see you while we were down here.” Ann held Merlin tightly.

“Don’t worry lad we won’t tell Arthur or Morgana anything if you don’t want us to, but you need to think about it. A problem shared and I know for a fact that Arthur would want to thank you” Tristian looked at Merlin “OK I can see you don’t want to listen. Anyway how are you settling into your new job?”

“Fine, great even they are a good bunch, and I’ve made friends you should be pleased” Merlin said defensively

“We are lad, but I would just like to see you making more progress in leaving things behind.” Tristian patted Merlin’s shoulder “But we didn’t met up to nag you. Our daughter has missed you, I sometimes thinks she loves you more than us!”

“Of course she does” Merlin took out a small package from his pocket and handed it to the little girl who took it with a smile. 

The little one opened the bag and took out a small stuffed toy and gave a shout “DWAGON” 

Ann smiled “You know she has more dragons than I knew existed and all from you!”

Merlin grinned “I loved dragons as a child and as she seems to I can’t walk past one. I’m just reliving my childhood though her” 

They ordered their meal and Merlin helped the little girl eat her food. While they talked “I’m sorry I’m on long days but I do have Saturday afternoon and evening off and Sunday, just let me know if you have time to meet up. Otherwise I will come and visit you soon.” 

Tristian smiled “That works out well, we are having a meal with Arthur and Morgana on Saturday and as you know them why don’t you come to?”

Merlin immediately shrunk into himself “I’d rather not, look I get on great with Morgana but I’m not exactly friends with Arthur. I wouldn’t want to spoil you evening.”

Tristian wasn’t having any of it. “Nonsense, you wouldn’t spoil anything. He has a great deal of respect for you, he told us what a good job you did on his arm”

“Was that difficult Merlin?” Ann asked “The injury I mean?”

“No, I told you I’m fine, look I really would rather not come, sorry” Merlin looked at his friends. But I will baby sit for you”

 

Ann put her arm on Merlin’s “Please Merlin we aren’t down here for long, we want to see you as much as we can, you know you are like a son to us. Morgana tells us you go out in a group already.”

“Why do I think Morgana had a hand in this? No Ann but leave Melinda with me, I’ll come and visit you soon I promise.” 

“Thank you Merlin, by the way all we have said is that you used to work with me, nothing else” Ann said to her friend. “And that’s all we will say. But sooner or later someone will put two and two together”

“She’s right lad, Arthur’s a good copper”

Merlin looked at his friend “If they guess you can tell them but not otherwise, and not about …..Brad. I don’t want their pity”

Merlin’s week was busy enough to take his mind of the upcoming weekend. As usual Gwen and Freya made sure Merlin stopped for drinks. He saw quite a bit of Will and Cenred as they dropped of patients. Merlin liked Will, he could be abrasive but was always kind to his charges unless they were drunk and disruptive then he was very firm. Cenred continued to give Merlin the creeps, he was always polite but there was something about him that made Merlin feel uncomfortable. He was taking a handover from Cenred about a patient when Gwen was helping settle the patient. After Cenred had left Gwen whispered to Merlin “He fancies you!”

“I hope not!” Merlin retorted “Sorry but he makes me uncomfortable.”

“Well it’s true he has asked both me and Freya about you and even on Friday nights when we go out he can hardly take his eyes of you. When you aren’t there he almost sulks. Ask Will”

Once the patient was sorted and Merlin was writing up his paperwork he turned to Gwen “You were joking weren’t you! About Cenred”

“No Merlin I wasn’t he really does fancy you, and why not you’re a great man” Gwen smiled “Oh come on he’s not that bad. Alright the leather when he is off duty is a bit much but he does ride a motorbike”

“Well I don’t fancy him at all!” Merlin snapped

“So what is your type?” Freya asked as she sat beside Merlin

“I don’t have a type, in fact I’m happy by myself, look girls please put him off will you?” Merlin pleaded.

“Oh no Merlin, I don’t get involved you will have to deal with it yourself” Freya said with a grin. “I just wish Percy wasn’t so keen on Morgana, now he’s a dreamboat”

On Saturday Merlin walked out the doors of A&E to walk home he was met by Will and Cenred also coming out with an empty trolley. “Hi doc, fished for the day?” Will asked Merlin

“Yes not back till Monday” Merlin grinned.

Cenred looked at Merlin “We’re off soon do you fancy meeting up for a drink?”

Will said “Leave me out I’m busy”

Cenred smiled at Merlin “Well? We could go to the pub but the lake”

“Sorry I’m going out already and need to get ready.” Merlin was glad he really was busy as he hated to lie. 

Cenred wasn’t going to let it go “How about tomorrow? I mean we could go where ever you liked”

“Sorry Cenred, but I’m busy” with that Merlin went to walk off. He was feeling decidedly uncomfortable.

Cenred put his arm on Merlin’s shoulder “Look Merlin, I kind of like you, please come out on a date with me?”

Will could see Merlin wasn’t happy “Come on Cenred leave to doc alone we still have work to do.”

Merlin pulled away “Look Cenred thank you, but I’m sorry I’m not interested in dating at the moment. Nothing personal but I’ve come out of a long term relationship and what time out”

Cenred was about to speak when Will grabbed his partner “Come on we are blocking the ramp” He gave Merlin a nod and dragged his partner off.

Merlin set off home, he was unsettled following the incident, he hadn’t noticed Cenred’s growing interest and hoped the other man would take the hint and leave him alone. 

Meanwhile as the ambulance pulled off Will turned to his partner “Look mate leave off Merlin he clearly isn’t interested.”

“Faint heart Will, I won’t give in that easy, he’s a nice bloke and has a fantastic arse. Even if he doesn’t want a relationship I wouldn’t mind something looser.” Cenred grinned. “One taste of me and he will be back for more”

“In your dreams mate, just leave it. There is plenty more fish, find someone interested” Will warned “I wouldn’t push it I rather think you will come of worse”

“Not me Will, not me” Cenred clearly thought he had a chance.

Merlin got home to find Morgana home and in the kitchen with a coffee “Hi Merlin I wish you had agreed to come tonight”

“Na, not my scene I’d rather spend the time with Melinda thanks” Merlin told her. Her mum is bringing a big play mat so we can play on the floor without ruining the carpet. You didn’t mind me looking after her here?”

“Of course not, Life is strange isn’t it us all knowing each other?”

“I worked with Ann for several years and we stayed in touch that’s all” Merlin said “Look I’m going to shower and change then I will be out of the way when you want to get ready” Merlin went upstairs two at a time, Morgana got the feeling he was trying to get away from talking to her.

It was quite some time before Merlin came back downstairs, wearing jeans and his ubiquitous white t shirt under his blur shirt. “All yours” Merlin told his landlady “Go and make yourself beautiful”

Morgana pushed his shoulder “You mean I’m not already?” she laughed 

Morgana disappeared upstairs and after a while the doorbell rang, Merlin opened it to see Arthur, Tristian and Ann. Arthur was carrying his cousin but as soon as she saw Merlin she held out her arms to the raven haired man to take her. “Mer”

Ann laughed “I did warn you Arthur, our Merlin is like the piped piper”

Merlin took the little girl and swung her round making her giggle. “How’s my little poppet?” he asked

“Dwagon” 

“I haven’t got another one!” Merlin laughed. Arthur was surprised seeing the two together, he had never seen Merlin looking so relaxed and happy and his young cousin was clearly overjoyed at seeing the man.

“Don’t look like that Arthur she won’t have anything to do with me when the good doctor is around.” Tristin laughed

Morgana was looking at the group and smiling “Merlin why are my guests still at the door, please come in”.

 

Merlin looked at the small girl “Ops Poppet, Uncle Mer’s in trouble”

The Little girl giggled and hugged Merlin. Ann walked in and placed the play mat down and Tristian dropped a couple of bags on it. “All you need Merlin.

Morgana looked at the pair “You surprise me Merlin I didn’t see you as a child person”

“I love kids, I’d like my own one day” Merlin told her. 

“You’d make a great dad” Morgana told him. “Now all you need is to find a man. I hear you have an admirer in a paramedic. Gwen tells me he is quite keen.”

“He might be, I’m not, I didn’t even know he fancied me until today” Merlin snapped. 

“What Cenred are you blind, he’s been making doe eyes at you for ages” Arthur said. “How did you not notice?”

“Because I wasn’t looking” Merlin said

“Merlin will find the right man when he’s ready” Ann said diplomatically, then in a clear attempt to divert attention said “How about you Arthur?”

“You know me Aunty, married to my work. Like Merlin I’ll find the right person one day.” Arthur grinned refusing to be drawn on an old topic. 

Merlin got on the floor with Melinda and started to get her toys out and play with her. The others had a coffee before setting off for their meal. “I wish you would come” Ann tried once more “We could take Melinda”

“No thanks we are better here” Merlin said “This way I get her all to myself” he smiled.

After the others set off, leaving contact details. Merlin sat and played with the little girl before making them something to eat. He was clearly well used to looking after the little girl.

In the car Arthur asked curiously “Does Merlin often baby sit for you?”

 

“He has in the past, Merlin is a good lad he loves Melinda and she loves him. I think she misses him now he’s down here, although he does talk to her on skype. But Melinda can’t work out why she can’t have her cuddles”

Morgana looked at Ann “What I find amazing is that we didn’t meet at any of the get togethers”

“Just how it happened I guess” Ann said “We all work shifts and can’t all get to the same events, so I guess we just never crossed. I worked with Merlin for a couple of years, Morgana we became close then. And we kept in touch afterwards.”

Arthur was looking at his Aunt then glanced at his Uncle “Was Merlin there when there was all that trouble?” he was still trying to put his thoughts on Merlin into order. As his Aunt and Uncle were clearly very fond of Merlin and trusted him with their precious daughter he wanted to feel he could also trust the other man.

Arthur noticed the look between the two adults and things began to fall into place. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t picked it up before. Arthur looked at his uncle in horror “It was Merlin wasn’t it!”

Morgana looked from one to the other “What do you mean?”

Arthur was glaring “Answer me! Merlin was the doctor that saved Ann and her unborn baby wasn’t he!”

Tristian nodded “Yes it was, but he insisted no one knew and we respected that. And now you must.”

The car pulled up in the car park and the conversation stopped until they were all inside and sat down. Then Morgana looked from one to the other “What is going on?” she demanded.

Tristian looked at Morgana “Your brother has had worries about Merlin, but he has no need to Merlin is the kindest, sweetest man I have ever met.”

Arthur glowered “I knew something wasn’t right, why you didn’t tell me! Hell you know I wanted to thank the man responsible!” Arthur turned to his sister, “did you have any idea?”

Morgana shook her head. “No, it never crossed my mind! I knew there was something in Merlin’s past he has nightmares sometimes but never that!”

Arthur looked at his Uncle “You should have told me!”

Both the Pendragon siblings thought back to the day that Arthur had had a phone call to say that a psychopath had gone berserk at Arthur’s Aunties department. Ann was seven months pregnant with an unexpected, but much longed for child. Arthur was told that junior doctor took the attack to save Ann and her unborn baby. Without him Ann and Melinda would have been killed. 

“Uncle I want answers, in fact I want the truth, all of it. I know you blocked the press so it wasn’t reported but enough got out to know it was bad. How bad? I know enough to guess Merlin is still having problems, don’t you think you owe it to him to let his friends help him.” Arthur pleaded. “I won’t do anything to hurt him not after he did, we all owe him so much”

Tristian looked at Arthur “We know more than you what we owe Merlin, so don’t preach to me. We have done everything he would let us. Yes I did block the press, he was suffering enough, and you have no idea what he has been through”

“Then tell me!” Arthur demanded

Morgana looked at the men “Listen you two, calm down and stop this you are attracting attention”

“You even named her after him didn’t you, Christ I have been blind. I thought he had been in an abusive relationship, but boy was I wrong.”

“Unfortunately you’re not that far off in that either.” Tristian said “Merlin has had one thing on top of another. I won’t say more. We can’t we made a promise to him”

Ann spoke up “I asked Merlin if I could tell you what happened, I realised it would come out one day. He agreed but only if you ever asked and then not all of it. I warn you it isn’t nice and you have to promise to keep his confidence.” She looked at Arthur “And you will need to be more understanding” she gave a small smile “And yes we named Melinda after Merlin it was the nearest we could get.”

“Aunt he saved your life I will do anything”

Ann took a deep breath and took her husband’s arm “As you both know two years ago there was a major incident at my A&E. We had a young child come in after a car accident, we fought to save her and in the end had to call time. There was nothing else we could do. Her father came in as Merlin called out time of death. He went mad shouting at us to continue. As I was seven months pregnant Merlin, bless him, decided to take control. As the only man in the room, the father clearly thought he was in charge. The father had a knife and started to try to grab someone. Merlin made everyone get back, we had already pressed the alarm. Merlin stood in front of us and tried to talk to the man, to calm him, but the father slashed out. Merlin was cut badly but he continued to stay between me and the knife. The others managed to get out. The man just kept slashing and slashing at him. All the time Merlin kept talking to him, reasoning with him. We saw the security come in and Merlin kept his attention so the guard could knock the man out. By then Merlin was a mess and he collapsed.” Ann stopped and took a deep breath. “We nearly lost Merlin, he had lost so much blood and was in shock. He had more blood transfused than I have ever seen, over one hundred units, three major arteries were damaged. He had over seven hundred stitches. How he stood up as long as he did no one knows. The man who attacked him is in Broadmoor as he was found not fit to stand trial. ”

“Shit” Arthur and Morgana were now both in complete shock at what they had heard.

Morgana looked at the couple “Merlin’s mother died about then, he said it was his fault. Did she crash on the way to see him?”

Tristian took up the story. “I arranged for a police car to collect Merlin’s mother from her home in North Wales. The driver knew he was to deliver Mrs Emrys to the hospital as soon as he safely could. As he reached Liverpool his car was overtaken by a car that was part of a hot pursuit, for some reason he decided to join in. Even though he had a civilian on board and did not have clearance. He ran out of road and whilst he got out of the car uninjured Mrs Emrys was killed. When Merlin recovered and was told he blamed himself, saying if she hadn’t been coming to see him she would be alive.”

Tristian looked at Arthur and Morgana “Anything else Merlin will have to tell you. All I will say is that it has been a struggle for Merlin to get where he is today. He has paid a very heavy price for saving Ann and Melinda, far heavier than he should have had to.”

Arthur looked at his Uncle “One other thing, was Merlin married?”

“No more information Arthur” Ann told him “Somethings are not ours to tell. I‘m sorry but I have to ask you not to pry further.”

It was a silent group that finished their meal and headed back to Morgana’s Ann turned to the siblings “I will tell him we have told you, but please don’t press him. And if he has problems I want you to call us. Tristian is now his next of kin. Clearly this isn’t for public consumption.” 

As Morgana opened the door they could see Merlin sitting on the sofa led back with Melinda asleep on his chest his arm protectively over her to stop her falling. Merlin was also asleep and the pair looked so peaceful. Ann got out her phone and took a picture. “It’s good to see him resting, what a shame to wake them”

Morgana smiled “Then let’s have a coffee first.”

Arthur looked at the slender man in a new light, he had always wanted to know who had saved his family and thank them personally. Now he knew, it all made sense and he wished he had got off on a better footing with Merlin. But he vowed that from now on in it would be different, he owed that young man so much he could never repay him. His Uncle Tristian had been more a father to him then Uther and Ann was a surrogate mother even little Melinda was more a baby sister than a cousin. And he could have lost everything if it hadn’t been for Merlin.


	6. Chapter 6

Merlin woke soon after the others got back. He opened his eyes and looked up and into the kitchen before checking he had Melinda safely. The he sat up supporting the child as he did. “You’re back earlier than I expected” he said looking blurry eyed at the clock.

Ann walked over and took the sleeping child from Merlin “Has she been ok?”

Merlin smiled “Yes, she’s growing so quickly, that’s one thing I miss down here, seeing her”

“You are always welcome to stay anytime you know that” Ann told him “You don’t even need to ask”

“I can always drive you up if we have the same days off” Arthur offered.

Merlin shot him a look then looked at Ann a question in his eyes. “Arthur guessed” she said simply.

Merlin shut his eyes and took several deep breathes “I think I’ll turn in now you are back. I will see you in the morning before you leave if that’s ok” he told Ann and Tristian.

“No problem son, we will call round once we are packed up”

Merlin stood up and walked up stairs. Arthur went to follow but Ann stopped him “Leave it Arthur, let him raise it with you please, he will need to process that more people know, he has kept it a secret so long”

“We will” Morgana assured her, “Won’t we Arthur?”

 

“I want to thank him properly” the blonde said

“If you want to help him wait, He won’t want thanking remember he lost his mother as well, it’s hardly something he can look at objectively. Please Arthur put his needs before yours” 

After everyone had left Morgana made hot chocolate and took the two mugs upstairs. Putting one on the window ledge she knocked on Merlin’s door and waited “I have a hot chocolate Merlin” she called out hoping he would answer. Then she heard a noise and picked up the other mug as Merlin opened the door. He walked back in and sat on his bed.

Morgana sat by him handing him a mug in silence, giving Merlin the chance to speak first. He took the mug and sipped the hot sweet drink. “Thanks” then he looked at his landlady “So you know”

“Yes Arthur sort of guessed, he’s good at his job, picking up clues and making a picture. Thank you Merlin what you did was very brave and special, you saved their lives” she didn’t think she needed to say who.

“What else did they tell you?!” he demanded

“Just about the attack and your mum, Ann said anything else was your business to tell if you wanted to” Morgana put her arm round Merlin “They wouldn’t have told us if Arthur hadn’t put two and two together. Your Mum’s death wasn’t your fault Merlin, she wouldn’t have wanted you to blame yourself”

“Maybe but she would be still alive if it wasn’t for what happened……………….she was a wonderful woman, she didn’t deserve that”

“Then blame the man who attacked you, or the policeman but not yourself”

Merlin went silent just sipping his drink. Morgana stayed with him until he spoke again. “I won’t talk about it”

“That’s alright Merlin, but I am here if you need me. You are a good friend Merlin and have lots of people who will be there for you if you’ll let us.” She passed not sure what to say next.

“I don’t want anyone else to know!”

“We won’t say anything, but you know you should tell people or I will if you decide you want them to know. Especially the people you work with, they can support you then” Morgana said “It can’t be easy”

“I’m fine, now please I need to rest it’s been a long day” 

Morgana collected the mugs and left the clearly upset man alone. She didn’t want to but knew he wouldn’t say more. Like Ann said he had kept his secrets for a long time, she couldn’t expect him to open up that easily.

Merlin wasn’t the only one who didn’t sleep well that night. Morgana and Arthur had a lot to think about. Arthur in particular felt guilty about his attitude to Merlin and the suspicions he had had. He kept going back to the photo they found and wondered about the story behind it. Ann had been quite firm on not giving out information, that left Arthur knowing there was more to it. That somehow Merlin had more anguish hidden away. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to find out but he would keep an eye on Merlin and hope that they could one day be friends.

Ann and Tristan talked into the night, they so wanted to help Merlin continue to recover and regain a full life. “I wish we could tell them about Brad” Ann said “It explains so much”

“We can’t Ann, that’s very personal and not our place. Merlin has to fight his own battles, at least now he has friends around him. Arthur will keep an eye on him now, even if Merlin won’t let him get close. We have to let Merlin live his own life dear, he’s done a pretty good job so far. It has only been two years in total. And much less since Brad. It’s going to take him time we have always known that, we can just be there for him if he needs us”

“I hate that man! How could he do it?” Ann said angrily.  
“I don’t understand it either, but we couldn’t interfere then and we can’t now, Merlin would never forgive us. We’ll talk to Merlin in the morning and maybe get him to come and stay. Melinda seems to make him come alive like no one else can”

“Yes he sure loves our daughter” Ann smiled “I think Arthur was jealous with their relationship”

“I’m sure he’ll get over it” 

 

Morgana went off to work the next morning, after taking Merlin up a cup of tea. “Thought I’d better wake you as Ann and Tristian said they were coming this morning.”

“Thanks” Merlin took the tea “I could get used to you spoiling me”

“Well don’t it won’t last” Morgana joked. “Enjoy your day off, I have to get going or I’ll be late.” Morgana went off to work, she had been tempted to call in sick, but know Merlin needed the time to himself.

An hour later Merlin was showered and dressed when Ann, Tristian and Melinda arrived. Merlin let them in and hugged the little girl. Ann looked at her friend and young man who had become like a son to her. “How did you sleep?”

Merlin looked at her his face told her all she needed to know “Not well, but it’s done now and I suppose Morgana at least needed to know”

“So did Arthur, you know he was very persistent at the time, I’m not surprised he put everything together. He’s a damn good cop.” Tristian admitted “You could do worse than talk to him Merlin, he’s not Brad”

Merlin paled at the name “Maybe not, but I can’t” Merlin paused “The dissolving of the civil partnership was made final three weeks ago, he is getting married in a couple of weeks. He sent me an invite” Merlin sounded broken

“Why the hell did he do that?” Tristian demanded “You not going!”

“No I couldn’t, he said he wanted us to be friends, I told him I couldn’t and not to contact me again.” Merlin looked at his friends. “I should be better than that but I …… it still hurts. One of us should be happy”

Ann went to Merlin’s side. “He had no right to ask that of you Merlin. He is just trying to sooth his conscience.”

“You did the right thing” Tristian said angrily “I’ll get a restraining order clamped on him” 

“It wasn’t his fault” Merlin said “I couldn’t cope so how could I expect him to”

“Merlin you are to kind for your own good, what he did was disgusting and wrong!”

Merlin signed and then smiled down at the little girl in his arms. “I have four days off soon I’ll come and stay, you two can have some time together while I look after this little one.” It was clear that as far as he was concerned the conversation was over. 

A couple of hours later the family drove off back to Liverpool and Merlin went and did some shopping then cleaning to try to occupy his mind. The letter he had received from his ex-partner had hurt him. He knew their relationship was over but to find Brad had found someone else so easily had hurt. Merlin didn’t think he would ever be able to find someone new. After he had finished the cleaning he sat down and looked at the official form telling him he was now a free man once more. A tear ran down his face as he thought back. He had truly thought he had found his soulmate. They had gone through a civil partnership three years ago after a six month relationship, they had even planned to get married when it became legal and adopt children. Then the attack happen and everything went wrong. Once he had been let out of hospital they moved to Cardiff. Brad had been offered a new job and it was also felt it would help Merlin to move away. He had also wanted to go back to work. Cardiff offered him a job and he went back part time to start with. He had thought they were working thought the trauma the attack and Hunith’s death had caused. Merlin’s thoughts were taking him to areas he didn’t want to go down so he made himself get up and he forced himself to put the letter away and do something out in the garden.

After mowing the lawn and trimming the edges Merlin made himself something to eat. He made up a plate pf food for Morgana to heat up when she got back. She was on a long shift and wouldn’t be back until just after nine. Then not wanting to face Morgana Merlin took a sleeping tablet and went to bed. He was on an early start next day and couldn’t afford another sleepless night.

 

Arthur was at work but his mind still kept drifting to Merlin and what he had been through. Arthur colleagues out his distracted air down to the fact that he still hadn’t been allowed on active duty, and was still stuck at the station. Either that or doing some of the community visits to schools and the like. But it did give him the opportunity to look up Hunith Emrys death and the report that followed. What Arthur found made sad reading but told him nothing new. The policeman concerned had been only recently qualified and had been asked to take Hunith to Liverpool as he was considered the ideal candidate at the station at the time. The others being needed elsewhere. He had basic driving qualifications for the police but had not been trained in the more advanced skills needed to be involved in Hot Pursuit, nor had he been asked to be involved, in fact as soon as the other vehicles involved had realised he was joining in he had been told to withdraw. His car was not considered adequate for the task as well as being out of area and didn’t even know the local roads. After the enquiry the policeman was charged with death by dangerous driving and was jailed for two years, he would have been jailed for longer had not Merlin Emrys spoke of his behalf saying that the young man had already lost a promising career and clearly regretted his actions. It was noted that he had got caught up in the event and had not fully understood the risks involved. Arthur was astounded by Merlin’s generosity he was sure he wouldn’t have been so magnanimous. The death of Hunith had not been linked to the attack at the hospital. The reports stated that the woman had been killed while being rushed to her sick son’s bedside and no more.

Arthur also looked up the reports on the events at the hospital that had been reported at the time. This was something he had done at the time. But his Uncle had managed to keep all mention of Merlin’s name out of the papers. So it told him nothing new other than the name of the man sent to Broadmoor, Valliant Shield, who had suffered from long term mental health problems and was sent to Broadmoor having been found unfit to stand trial following a diagnosis of paranoid psychosis. Arthur found no mention of Merlin’s married status anywhere but had already decided to take his Uncles advice and wait for Merlin to open up. 

It was a couple of weeks later when Percy and Gwaine had taken in a patient to A&E one evening that someone else learned Merlin’s secret. The two paramedics had delivered a patient to A&E and were just leaving. Percy grabbed the sheet and blanket and was taking it to the sluice and then went to the linen room to fetch a new set, while Gwaine loaded the trolley on the ambulance. 

Merlin meanwhile had gone in to see a young fourteen lad who had been playing football and had a suspected broken leg. As Merlin waked into the cubicle the boy’s father, clearly worried and upset shouted at Merlin “My son has had to wait for a quarter of an hour in pain this is unacceptable”

Merlin realising the man was worried about his son didn’t point out that at least they were quiet and he was lucky it hadn’t been much longer. He had dealt with anxious parents on many occasion and realised that relatives could become very stressed when seeing their loved ones in pain “I’m here now Sir so shall we have a look I will give your son something as soon as I have a few details. We’ll soon get him sorted”

As soon as Merlin had checked for allergies and taken basic details from the boy he called for some painkillers and Nitrous oxide, laughing gas, and once the boy had taken the painkillers he showed the boy how to use the gas. “That will help until I can check you over and then if necessary I will give you something else but by the time I’ve finished the other painkillers will have kicked in. Now you must hold the mouthpiece yourself ok”

The boy nodded and after he had taken a few breathes Merlin started to examine the leg. He took his time and during the process Merlin kept looking up to check on the boy when he saw the father holding the mouthpiece “Please Sir the lad must hold it himself, for safety, that way if he has used enough he will let it go, if you hold it for him he could have too much”

The father turned on Merlin “Don’t tell me what to do, it’s my son!”

Merlin paled slightly at the man’s aggressive manner but took a deep breath “Sir Nitrous Oxide is a drug and I have to make sure it is safely used. Now I am will get John to the x ray department I don’t think he has a fracture but we will need to be sure.” Merlin looked at the lad “John I am going to take that away now as I won’t be touching your leg and I have supported it in a splint. The painkiller I gave you will have kicked in now so it won’t hurt very much. As soon as we have the x ray I will come and see you again.”

As Merlin removed the mouth piece from John he protested “That’s good can I keep it?”

“No you have had enough young man” Merlin said with a smile “It took the edge off the pain for you but you don’t need it now I’m not doing anything.” Merlin took the mouthpiece and went to remove the bottle into the corridor so it could be used for the next patient who needed it. As he threw the mouth piece in the bin the father hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. 

“If my son says he wants that stuff he’s going to have it, I won’t have him in pain!” Merlin looked up and saw the father angry face glaring at him.

In a calm voice that belayed Merlin’s growing inner anxiety he said “He’s not in pain Sir, the gas gives people a feeling of euphoria, and he liked it, that’s not a reason to use it longer than necessary, if you look at your son you will see he’s not in pain” when the man didn’t remove his hand Merlin added “If you could please let go of me Sir”

“If my son complains of pain he gets it back!” he let go of Merlin’s wrist and went to his son’s side, who luckily had accepted the loss of the gas.

Merlin had written out the card for the x ray “I will arrange for John to be taken to the x ray department and I will come bac once we have the results.” With that he left the pair.

As quickly as he could he handed the card to the unit’s clerk to arrange and the turned and went down the nearest none public corridor. The encounter had shaken him more than he wanted to admit. The man’s aggressive nature had brought back memories. Walking into the corridor he stood with his head leaning against a wall. It was there that Percy saw him. As the paramedic walked towards the linen room he saw a figure leant against the wall shaking. He immediately approached and seeing it was Merlin frowned

“Merlin are you alright mate” he walked up and put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder only to have Merlin shudder in fright he felt the unexpected touch. Merlin turned to move away hit Percy’s chest as he did so, this made him whimper in fright. “What’s the matter mate? The big man caught Merlin as his knees buckled. 

Merlin looked at the big man and gasped out “p panic a a attack” 

As Percy caught Merlin Gwaine came through the doors “Perc come on mate we need to get going” with that the brunette saw what had happened and moved quickly to his partners side. Percy looked at his partner.

“Go and get someone Gwaine, Merlin’s having some sort of panic attack”

“Shit!” Gwaine moved closer to check Merlin “His pulse is through the roof and his pupils are blown, You got him mate?”

“Yeh but we need to get him somewhere.” Percy lowered Merlin to the floor and started to check the slender man over “Get O2 while you’re at it.”

Gwaine went back down the corridor, as he went through the doors he saw Leon “Leon just the man come with me” Gwaine grabbed a portable oxygen cylinder and turned back down the corridor. 

Leon frowned but realising the urgency followed the paramedic as they went along the corridor Leon asked “What’s going on?”

“Percy found Merlin collapsing in the corridor. He seems to be in some sort of shock, he says it’s a panic attack” Gwaine explained “Respiratory rate thirty five, Pulse 120 pupils blown and shaking like a leaf”

Leon knelt down by the side of the registrar. “Merlin take some deep breaths” Leon looked up and took the oxygen mask off of the brunette and put it on Merlin then as Gwaine started to run a set of observations on Merlin Leon looked at Percy “Thank you Percy, Gwaine can you get a trolley and one of the nurses, Gwen if you can.”

Leon spoke to Merlin “Merlin look at me, now slow your breathing, breath with me” He looked at Percy “Can you start running some observations until Gwen gets here”

Percy nodded and grabbed a machine from the main unit Looking at Merlin went to move Merlin’s scrub sleeve up. This seemed to set Merlin into a panic and he put his hands in the way “M’fine” he gasped “Lve me alone”

Leon looked at Merlin whose colour was slowly coming back “What happened Merlin?” But now Gwen had arrived with a clearly concerned Gwaine who had a trolley with him.

“M’ alright” Merlin gasped “Panic attack” he gasped out

Leon frowned “Well it was a good one, look Merlin we are getting you checked BP first then do an ECG”

Percy had managed to do a BP and gave Leon the results , it was far higher than normal he turned to Gwen and Percy “Run one now” Leon quickly took some blood off of the man on the floor and Gwen went took the ECG adhesive strips from Percy as the big man lifted Merlin’s scrubs and started to lift up the t shirt. Once again Merlin stopped them. “M’fine really” there was a desperate tone to his voice. He went to sit up “M’ok”

“Merlin I will be the judge of that!” Leon looked at the man then looked at the others “Leave us a minute” Then to Merlin “What’s going on Merlin!”

Merlin looked up and took a deep breath and steadied his breathing the best he could “S orry Sir, I’m fine” he went to sit up but Leon put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder and stopped him 

“Not so quick, what happened Merlin? I got a brief report from Gwaine but I need to know your side” Leon was calm but firm.

Merlin looked at his boss “had panic attack, I came in the corridor ….to be private………” realising he wasn’t going to get away with it Merlin continued still gasping for breath “I was involved in an incident a couple of years ago when someone went berserk with a knife, flashback when a relative grabbed my arm” Merlin knew he had no choice but to be honest. 

Leon frowned “Where you were at Liverpool then?” he asked. Leon knew Merlin’s work record from when he had applied for his present post.

“Yes, look I’m fine now really can I go back to work?” Merlin protested.

“No! Merlin you damn near passed out, I will check you over first, your blood pressure went up through the roof and so did your pulse. I suspect you have enough adrenaline in your system to keep then both high for a time. Now I’m going to give you a good check over then I will decide if you go back to work or not” 

Leon picked up his stethoscope “Sit up and I’ll listen to your chest first, then we will get you on the trolley and into a cubicle. We will do an ECG as well”

Merlin went pale once more “I’m fine” he insisted 

“That’s for me to say” Leon raised his eyebrow and motioned Percy over “Can you help Merlin sit up.” Once he was sat up Merlin very reluctantly lifted his scrubs and went to lift up the ever present t shirt. Leon stopped “a pressure vest?” he asked.

 

“Yeh” Merlin looked upset at its discovery. He had been wearing pressure vests for a long time. Leon knew the significance, such vests were worn to help flatten bad scarring. The where individually made and very tight. Not easy to get on and off.

Deciding the corridor wasn’t the best place Leon relented “Alright let’s get you somewhere more private first then we get this off” He then lowered Merlin’s clothing. “Merlin, I think I know what you were involved in, I was involved in the enquiry afterwards to come up with recommendations to keep staff safer.” He paused “It might have been a good idea to tell me about this when you started here” 

Merlin looked up “Why so you could turn me down, I can still do my job” Merlin’s breathing was settling but his pulse was still racing.

Leon ignored the comment and looked at Percy and Gwaine “Help me get him up please”

Merlin got to his feet with help and the paramedics went to get him on the trolley.

“I can walk I’m ok” Merlin looked at Leon “Don’t want to be stared at”

Leon relented “OK but straight to my office.” He led Merlin with Percy on one side further down the corridor and further round the corridor and then out into to department but near his office. As soon as they were inside Leon looked at the Paramedics “Thanks I’ve got him from here, you best get back to work, Thank you for what you did”

Percy and Gwaine looked at Merlin “Take care mate, see you later” Gwaine said and Percy smiled encouragingly, then they left. 

Gwen looked at her boss “You go as well Gwen, I will call if I want anything.”

“Alright, hope you feel better Merlin” with that she was gone.

After making Merlin sit on the examination couch in the corner Leon turned to Merlin 

 

“I know you can do your job Merlin, but just how did you get through all the medicals without this being mentioned?”

Merlin gave a weak grin “Lucky I guess, my chest x rays were done on a gown and I had a full medical at Cardiff and wasn’t there long.” Merlin said defiantly. 

“Merlin I wouldn’t have turned you down, you are an excellent doctor, but I could have helped stop this happening. I would have wanted to help” Leon was shocked at Merlin’s ability to cover up. “I’m not talking about the physical effects here”

“No you couldn’t, facing aggression in patients is an occupational hazard. I haven’t had a problem before. It was a one off. I’m not a basket case. I’m fine” Merlin started to sag as the adrenaline effects started to wear off. 

Leon he turned back to Merlin. “Now ECG and no arguing.” Leon helped Merlin take of his scrubs and tight vest which partially unzipped Leon wired Merlin up and once the ECG had been taken helped replace the tight garment, once it was done Merlin relaxed slightly. 

“Other than your tachycardia which is resolving there is no problem, Merlin how are you feeling now? And be honest please”

Merlin looked at his boss “Embarrassed mostly, but feeling better. I’m sorry but when the father grabbed my wrist I just felt the panic building, I got I the corridor before letting go” his colour was slowly returning.

Leon looked at his register “I’m not suggesting for one moment that you shouldn’t be working but you can’t go through what you did and not be affected, why come back to A&E? You could have changed specialities, no one would have thought any the worse of you, and you are good enough to choose any field”

“And let him win!! I want to work in A&E I’m good at what I do. I have been back at work for nearly eighteen months and this is the first problem I’ve had, anyone can get freaked sometimes. If you don’t want me I’ll go somewhere else” Merlin protested

There was a knock on the door and Gwen handed in two mugs of teas “Merlin your young man didn’t have a break, he’s being sorted with some crutches. Hs father apologised but admitted he was very worried.” With that she left

. Leon handed Merlin his cup and sat down again. “Look Merlin I don’t want you to go anywhere, but I need honesty we can work together with this. Does anyone here know?”

“In the department you mean?”

“Yes”

“No but Morgana and Arthur found out a couple of weeks ago. Ann Annis was my old Consultant and her husband Is Arthur’s Uncle. I didn’t tell them they just guessed after Ann and Tristian visited.” Merlin admitted. “They haven’t seen this” Merlin gestured to his chest.

Leon gave out a sigh “Of course! I was with Morgana when she heard the news two years ago” he paused “Look Merlin I think if you will let me some of the other key staff need to know. Not many, but if this happens again, and I’m not here, I need to know someone will be aware. I won’t break confidence, but they need to know a patient has attacked on you in the past. If you look at this logically the people on duty today will have guessed something.” Leon put his hand on Merlin’s knee “Please think about it. Now drink you tea and then I want you to rest up here for a while then go home. In fact I’ll run you back myself when my shift has finished”

“Please let me finish my shift Sir, I need to, a bit like getting back on a bike of you fall off” Merlin pleaded.

Leon looked thoughtful “No Merlin, I am waiting for your blood results, but you won’t work today. Tomorrow come in at eight and we will talk. Can I have your permission to speak to Ann Annis?”

Merlin looked very unhappy Leon added “Look Merlin I need to make sure you are OK. She knows your history and you say she is a friend?”

“She’s my next of kin now” Merlin admitted “Look don’t worry her!”

“I won’t but Merlin that wasn’t a small attack, you were almost unconscious at one point. As my registrar I am responsible for your care” Leon paused “Don’t worry Merlin I have had nothing but good reports of you and your ability to handle situations. But I do need to protect you where I can. I will also need to tell the other consultants, but your medical confidentiality will be guarded I promise. Need to know only. Now rest and let your body settle down. Call using the bell and either Gwen or I will answer”

Leon left the room and went to Gwen and took her to a quiet corner “Gwen, I know I don’t need to remind you not to talk about this, Merlin clearly has enough on his plate without gossip. If anyone asks just say he was giddy, maybe a virus there are enough about at the moment.”

Gwen nodded “Sir, I heard some of it, was the attack a bad one?…. I mean to cause that much of a panic attack?”

“Yes it was, but I can’t say more it wouldn’t be fair. But I rely on you to help me keep an eye on Merlin, he’s a good man Gwen and a very good doctor and we are lucky to have him” Leon asked the nurse “I know he’s your friend, but it is up to him who he tells things to”

Gwen looked at the consultant “I know that sir and you can trust me not to say a thing to anyone”

Leon and Gwen kept an eye on Merlin as he slept of his emotional meltdown. Once Leon was ready to leave he went and saw Merlin “Come on Merlin, let’s get you home. “Is Morgana home today?” 

Merlin looked at Leon “Yes., look I don’t want her knowing about this”

“Merlin you said she knew, you need to let people help you. Morgana won’t judge you nor will she tell anyone. Don’t be a fool accept help. Can I talk to her?”

Merlin looked down at his hands and went into deep thought “Ok but not Arthur”

“That’s fine by me” Leon took Merlin back to Morganas house and as Merlin opened the door Morgana, who was watching TV, looked round in surprise

“Your back early Merlin, are you OK” she asked then caught sight of her ex-boyfriend and stood up.

Leon pre-empting her spoke “Merlin needs to rest so I bought him home”

Merlin looked at Morgana “I had a panic attack, look I’m going to bed” with that he walked up the stairs. 

Leon looked at Morgana “Can I come in a minute? Merlin said I can speak to you”

Morgana walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on “I’ll take him up a tea, then we can talk”

Morgana came back down stairs after leaving Merlin with his tea. “What happened?” she asked Leon

“Merlin told me you know about what happened to him two years ago. Today a father got angry, his son had been hurt and as often happens he took it out on Merlin. Merlin held it together until he finished then went into the staff side and had a bit of a panic attack, Percy found him.” Leon paused “He told me enough that I realised what he had been involved in. If you remember a couple of years ago I was involved in that enquiry to make A&E safer for staff, well that occurred after what happened to Merlin. I want him in at eight tomorrow and we are going to talk. He needs support and whether he likes it or not he will get it”

Morgana looked at her ex “Leon he is very independent, Arthur only guessed after something Ann said. Merlin is very private he won’t want everyone knowing.”

“I’m not a fool I know that, but the staff today knew something happened. Gwen knows part of it and Percy and Gwaine were involved. But don’t worry it will be handled delicately. But he needs our support. Now what do you know?”

“Has he said I can tell you?” Morgana demanded

“He gave me permission to talk to you but not Arthur” Leon told her.

Morgana told Leon what she knew including Hunith Emrys’s death “I’m trusting you with that Leon, but it is private. I think there’s more but I don’t know anything else.” She admitted

“And it will stay that way. Thank you it confirms what I already knew anyway. Except for his mother’s death. Just be a good friend to him Morgana”

Morgana looked at Leon “I am, he’s like a brother to me already, and he’s a very good person”

“I know, and together we can help him get through this, look I must go, I need to speak to the other departmental consultants tomorrow so we can make a plan” Leon left Morgana’s and went home. 

Once he was gone Morgana went up to check on Merlin, he was led on the bed staring at the ceiling “Thank Percy for me” he said quietly “He must have thought be a right idiot”

Morgana sat on the bed “No Merlin he wouldn’t have, Percy is a sensitive man and he likes you, but I’ll tell him.”

“I don’t want everyone knowing, I can’t cope with the pity” Merlin admitted

“They won’t, although I think you are underestimating people Merlin, they would want to help” Morgana pushed Merlin’s hair out of his eyes “Get some rest and if you need me just shout out”

When Percy arrived to see Morgana later that evening he asked how Merlin was “I know he wasn’t feeling well”

Morgana smiled gently pleased that her boyfriend was keeping Merlin’s affairs private “I know what happened Merlin said Leon could tell me. Merlin asked me to thank you and Gwaine, he’s resting but I think he’s ok. We just need to be there for him. I know the reasons behind it but that’s Merlin’s story to tell if he wants to.”


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning Merlin decided to catch the bus up to the hospital rather than walk, he was still feeling the effects of the episode the day before. Merlin wished he had driven up but had thought it would be best no to, after all he might not feel like driving afterwards. He wasn’t looking forward to the meeting with Leon. He knew his consultant was right he should have told his boss about his difficulties but he had thought he had it all under control. But Merlin wasn’t a coward and he knew he needed to face facts, he was still damaged by what had happened.

Walking into the department he went to change hoping that he would be allowed to work once the meeting was over, working allowed him an escape from his thoughts. He needed work to keep him going. As he walked towards Leon’s office he saw Gwen. The nurse smiled and came over and asked quietly “Are you feeling better Merlin?”

Merlin nodded “Much thank you, sorry about yesterday”

“Nothing to be sorry about” she squeezed his arm. “Good luck”

Clearly she had either heard or guessed he was in to see the consultant. Probably the later as Merlin knew Leon wouldn’t talk. Knocking on the office door he was called in. Leon was sitting at his desk going through some papers. “Hello Merlin come and sit down, I’ll get us a tea”

Once Leon arrived back in the office with two mugs of tea he sat down not behind the desk but next to Merlin “First things first how are you today. Did you get a good night’s rest?” 

“Not too bad” Merlin admitted “Look Sir I want to apologise I realise I should have spoken to you before it was irresponsible of me, but I have hidden it all away and am not good at talking about it”

“Merlin, drop the Sir please we know one another well enough to use first names.” He paused “It wasn’t the most sensible thing you could have done but I realise why. What happened to you was something no one should have to go through. But we need to make sure you are supported, both for your sake and for the departments. I have spoken to the other three consultants, I haven’t told them everything but enough. We all knew about what happened in Liverpool, no A&E consultant in the country doesn’t. Now we all know if you have another episode then we can deal with it appropriately. Hopefully you won’t. In fact we realise we haven’t been as careful as we might in protecting all staff. So to remedy that last year we ran a series of workshops and we are going to repeat them, after all we get new staff all the time. We are also going to reintroduce something we had already undertaken, but stopped after resistance from staff. We are going to make all staff carry personal alarms in uniform pockets. They are silent alarms that alert other staff of a potential problem without making it obvious to the service users.” Leon drank some of his tea “The idea being that if you get an aggressive patient or relative you press the alarm and another member of staff comes to the cubicle. That way there is always a witness and/or someone to call for further assistance. If needed.” 

Merlin looked at Leon, he knew they hadn’t dealt with what was going to happen to him, so he waited. Leon smiled “Look Merlin we want you to help with this, you needn’t make disclosures you aren’t comfortable with, but you have suffered the consequences and have a better understanding than anyone else here has. If you could at least tell a small part of your story, even if you depersonalise it, just say you were present……. We won’t force you, but we all think it would help you and the rest of the staff. Unfortunately despite our care some of the staff do realise you had a problem of some sort yesterday, also you owe it to yourself to make sure you feel safer at work.” 

Merlin felt the blood drain from his face and he closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. Leon realising what was happening knelt at Merlin’s side and speaking calmly said “Merlin slow your breathing, breathe with me nice and slowly, you’re doing well. Take control Merlin, whatever you normally do, you can do it.”

Merlin slowly opened his eyes and looked at Leon his breaths evened out and he placed his arms above this head and kept then there. After a few moments he lowered his arms and looked at Leon. “I don’t think I can” he said softly

“Then don’t, I only asked you to think about it.” There was no condemnation in Leon’s voice. “What treatment are you having Merlin?”

“CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) sessions, but not so many now, I stopped the medication months ago. I have been much better, I think people finding out has made me start thinking again.” He looked at Leon “I have been passed as fit to work I wouldn’t have started otherwise”

“I know that Merlin, you aren’t the type to take risks, I suspect you had a bad night’s sleep as well. Look it’s not my intention to put you under stress, so please don’t worry. I am happy of you to continue working, if you clear it with your therapist. But I would like you to take a couple of days off the unit, if you want to work do some of your research. But I do want you to know I am always here for you, if you want to talk.” 

Merlin nodded “I’ve messed up haven’t I?”

“No Merlin you have not! And don’t doubt yourself I have watched you work and so have the others, you have impressed us with your calm and controlled manner, and how you are able to calm agitated patients down. Now I know the truth I am even more impressed. Now go and do your studying, don’t you have a paper half finished? It will be good to get that out of the way. Once you have perhaps we could work on something together? I have read your published articles and they are impressive.”

Merlin shrugged “I wish it wasn’t necessary to keep publishing, but a necessary evil I suppose. I would be honoured to work on something with you” Merlin had always found the constant need to be seen to be doing research as well as practical doctoring a nuisance but accepted it. At least it would keep his mind busy at the moment. 

 

Merlin did as he was told and went off to the hospital library to continue to write up his findings of his latest research. He hoped to get it in the Lancet when it was completed. Then he rang his therapist and arranged to see her the next day. Luckily his therapist who had been working with him was willing to travel, so he had managed to keep the same one. Alice was an older lady but they got on well. When he did see her she was happy for him to continue working and with Merlin’s permission went to see Leon to confirm that with him. Merlin was happy that now everything was out in the open with his boss he didn’t have to hide from yet someone else. Although he wasn’t expecting it, it actually gave him a feeling of release.

Leon was with a patient when he was told someone had come to see him. At first he refused as he never saw people without an appointment, they were nearly always reps trying to sell something. But a card was also sent that said Dr Alice Collins, Psychologist. So handing over his patient at a suitable point he went out and took Dr Collins to his office.

“What can I do for you Dr Collins?”

“Please call me Alice, we have a mutual acquaintance who has given me permission to come and see you. Merlin Emrys. I am his psychologist and have been seeing him for two years. I saw him yesterday and assessed him” Alice’s voice was calm and soothing and she had a kind face.

“Ah, then thank you for coming and please call me Leon.” Leon waited for her to continue.

“As I said I saw him yesterday and he told me about what happened at work. I believe it was an isolated incident. Merlin has learnt to deal with his fears and flashbacks very well. But with the disclosures recently he hasn’t been sleeping well and his emotions have been stirred up. But I will be totally frank with you, I believe work is the best place for him, he will not endanger the patients under his care. Also he had a very sad anniversary recently…..his mother’s death. You know about that I understand?”

“I do, it seems to me Merlin had a hellish time. It surprises me he is able to work to be honest.” Leon admitted

Alice smile “Don’t underestimate Merlin, he is a very determined man, it has been hard but his relationship with Dr Annis and her child has helped him no end.”

They continued to talk and by the end Leon was more than happy for Merlin to return to work and his admiration for the slender man had increased. As she left Alice turned to Leon “Any time you need to talk to me you have my number. As for Merlin helping as you asked please leave the choice totally to him. He will decide if he can cope with that”

Arthur meanwhile was cleared to go back to operational duties. He was back in the patrol car with Lance. It was something he loved doing and was happiest at. Although he wasn’t best pleased that one of his first jobs back was going to a domestic violence incident. He hated them especially when like in this case they had been there before and the woman always refused to follow through with a complaint. He always felt like he wanted to take the boyfriend and throw him in a cell. As he suspected the woman didn’t want to press charges even though she needed hospital treatment. Once they had seen her off in the ambulance with Will and Cenred, Arthur and Lance had a word with the boyfriend who denied everything. Arthur gave him details of an anger management programme. Then they left to write up their report. Once the woman had been treated in hospital they would go and see her in the hope she had changed her mind.

After they had finished they stopped for a coffee and Arthur thought about Merlin once more and how he had thought he was a victim of an abusive relationship. Arthur wished he could become friends with the doctor. He owed him so much, and actually had a great deal of respect for him. But accepted that for whatever reason he might never be able to. Then before he had chance to think more they were off to their next call.

That Friday evening the group met up once more. Merlin forced himself to go, he was back doing his job but had had a day off. Wanting to stay at home he had been dragged out by a determined Morgana and Percy. Even Gwaine had come along to make sure he went. Merlin had become very friendly with Gwaine over the past few months. He had also developed a close friendship with Gwen and Freya. In fact besides Arthur and Cenred Merlin felt very comfortable with the group. Cenred’s persistence at asking him out on dates was something he could do without. In fact Cenred had even asked if they could become friends with benefits if Merlin didn’t want more. The whole thing made Merlin feel uncomfortable. He tried to deal with Will when the team handed over patients in A&E as Cenred seemed to take every opportunity to touch Merlin. Will had realised what was happening and had tried to talk his partner into leaving Merlin alone, but to no avail. So as Merlin and the others arrived Will got Merlin to sit between by him Morgana. This earnt him a glare from Cenred, who realised what Will was doing.

Arthur sat a couple of people away not wanting Merlin to feel threatened in any way. After a few drinks several of them got up to dance to the live music that was playing. That was Cenred’s chance. He got up and moved towards Merlin on the dance floor and getting behind the raven haired man got as close as he could and pulled Merlin back into him. Merlin realising who it was pulled away and turned round. He was clearly angry “Cenred I have told you no, no means no, now please keep your hands to yourself and keep out of my personal space”

Cenred leered at Merlin “Oh come on its just dancing no harm in it.”

Merlin looked at the paramedic “There is if I don’t want it to happen, now stop or I will be forced to take action. I don’t believe in violence but I am sure you don’t want a legal complaint going in, it won’t help you career” 

Merlin walked away and sat back down. Will looked at his friend “I have told him, if he keeps it up I’ll deck the blighter”

“Leave it to me Will, I don’t want to ruin anyone’s friendship and violence doesn’t solve anything.” Merlin smiled. He knew that besides Cenred’s fixation on him the other man was part of the group and liked.

Someone else had noticed what had happened and wasn’t happy. Arthur went to move towards Cenred but Morgana caught his arm “Don’t Arthur, let Merlin handle it. He won’t thank you if you get involved.”

“Why can’t the creep take no for an answer” Arthur snarled

“Because he has a serious crush on Merlin and who can blame him, he’s a great guy. If he wasn’t gay and I hadn’t found Percy I would have been interested” Morgana smiled at her brother. “Look if you didn’t know what you know would you have cared?”

Arthur looked at his sister “I hope so, no one should have to put up with that”

Cenred seemed to take what Merlin said to heart and although he kept glancing at Merlin he didn’t approach him again. At ten thirty Merlin decided enough was enough and left the group to walk home leaving the rest to continue. Five minutes after Merlin left Cenred also announced he was leaving. Arthur refused to get up and let the other man out. He whispered in Cenred’s ear “You can sit down and wait for quarter of an hour, I saw what happened earlier”

Cenred looked at Arthur “What’s it to you Pendragon? You don’t even like each other, anyway he said no and I can take a hint”

“I wouldn’t want any trouble so have another drink and make sure you have cooled down.” Arthur told Cenred “And you’re wrong I respect Merlin a great deal. Once you get home give what you’re doing some serious thought and find someone else who wants your company”

Cenred sat down and gave up the idea of leaving. He realised he had pushed things too far and would need to be careful if he wanted to keep his friends. 

Leon watched with interest at what was going on, he had already noticed Cenred’s interest in the young register and had been considering having a word with the paramedic himself but if Arthur was on the case perhaps he wouldn’t need to. After all Arthur had the law on his side and Cenred knew he was a policeman it might be enough to calm Cenred down and make him think. Not only that, but Merlin seemed well able to cope if his actions that night were anything to go by.

Merlin walked home unaware of Arthur’s intervention. He hoped that he had stopped Cenred’s attentions in the bud. He just wasn’t interested and had done his best to make the other man see that. For one he didn’t want a relationship of any sort, and even if he did the long haired leather clad man just wasn’t his type. Whilst he did sometimes dream of having strong arms around him at night he knew deep down he wasn’t in the right place for that, and he wasn’t into casual relationships and never had been. He was also genuinely puzzled as to why the other man was attracted to him anyway. In the past, even before the ‘incident’, he had never felt attractive but now he knew he was too damaged, to monstrous, for anyone to want him that way. No he would have friends but never anything more, he couldn’t stand the pity or even worse the disgust he would see in someone else’s eyes. 

Luckily Cenred did seem to take the hint and although he sometimes looked at Merlin he never pushed the boundaries and after a while whilst not friends the two men could at least talk to each other civilly. Cenred still wanted Merlin, he found the young man very good looking as well as having a great charm and allure, but he knew that for now at least Merlin wasn’t interested. Cenred nurtured his hopes and kept a low profile. But his dreams still seemed to feature the slim and pale body with the high cheekbones and cerulean eyes. But his dreams were his own and he never mentioned them to anyone.

The next couple of months were busy ones, Morgana and Percy continued to date and as a consequence Merlin saw a lot of Percy and the two men became closer as a result. Arthur continued to try to befriend Merlin but Merlin resisted all attempts but did thaw slightly to the extent that he didn’t try to avoid the blonde all the time. But it was clear he wasn’t comfortable around Arthur. On the work front Merlin did agree to speak at the small meetings of staff when they had the workshops on staff safety. The first one was difficult but Leon was careful to select people that Merlin would be comfortable with. Leon introduced the subject and went on to explain the reasons why every A&E in the country was undertaking such workshops

“I was involved in an enquiry a couple of years ago when in a large inner city A&E a major incident occurred. It involved a parent of a child that died following an RTI, road traffic incident. The father lost control, he was mentally ill, and attacked staff badly injuring a doctor. Several thinks were apparent when we looked at the circumstances. One was that even if all the precautions had been taken it incident would probably still have occurred but may have been less severe. The emergency button was by the door of the emergency room and couldn’t be reached when the man entered, and even when the alarm was raised it took a few minutes to recognise what was happening and call for help.” Leon looked round the group

That is why all the alarms in the cubicle and emergency rooms are in two places now. And we have a direct line emergency bell in three placed throughout the unit, that go direct to the police. They are after all better equipped and trained to cope with such issues. Major city units do have police present or at least 24 hour security. Last year we attempted to introduce personal alarms but these were withdrawn at your request however it has been decided to re issue them. We need to be more aware of what could happen and look after each other.” Leon paused looking round at the twelve staff present. One of the nurses spoke

“Sir the alarms were a nuisance, and bulky, we had them for six months and they were never used so why have them again?” 

Leon nodded “We are lucky to have a member of staff who was their when the incident happened. He has agreed to talk to you, ask him your questions then ask yourself is carrying an alarm worth it even if it might never be used?” Leon turned to Merlin 

Merlin didn’t stand, he had decided to remain sitting. “I can understand why you don’t want to carry the alarms, but if we had had then that day things would have been different. My Consultant was involved she was heavily pregnant, both her and her baby were put at risk. I would never have believe such a thing could have happened. But the man was suffering from psychosis it couldn’t have been predicted and let’s face it that could have happened anywhere.”

One of the other doctors asked “How many staff were hurt and how badly?”

“All involved were deeply shocked and several needed counselling afterwards. One doctor was seriously hurt and was in hospital for nearly four months. He would have died had it not been for the actions of another member of staff who managed to knock the man out. The pregnant consultant was admitted to hospital as they feared she would lose the baby, but luckily she didn’t” Merlin’s voice was shaking by now and he was clasping his hands in front of him. 

One of the nurses asked “Were you in the room where it happened. Did anyone try to talk him down, I’ve seen you do that before to good effect. Is that something we should have more training in? Would that have helped?”

Merlin paused and took several deep breathes “I was there, several of us tried, but the man was paranoid nothing worked.” He looked up and the group noticed just how white he had gone “Training is great, as is common sense but nothing worked …..nothing, he wouldn’t stop” Merlin looked down and paused then he said “I still see it now…… the knife slashing…….don’t let it happen again just because you don’t want to carry something that could stop it earlier.” Merlin got up and walked out. Gwen followed.  
Leon steeped forward “So you see what happened there could have happened here or anywhere else. It wasn’t drugs, gun crime or gang crime. But a bereaved man couldn’t cope with what was happening.” He looked at where Merlin had exited. “Dr Emrys was brave to share that with us, please don’t ask him anymore, I’m sure you can see it upset him. But you will carry the alarms so no one here has to live with those sort of memories.”

One of the other registrars looked at Leon. “It was Merlin wasn’t it? Who was hurt?”

Leon didn’t answer but walked out to check on Merlin, leaving one of the other consultants to finish up. “As Dr Knight said in his introduction what has been said in this room stays in this room. Confidential matters will not be discussed outside it, and although all the staff will have these talks I don’t expect you to indulge in idle gossip or speculation. Dr Emrys is a brave man to agree to share what happened with us. Respect that, but as Dr Knight said you will carry the alarms, and this time they will not be withdrawn. If anyone is found not to have one whilst on shift it will be a disciplinary matter. Now anymore questions?”

The meeting went on for a bit longer as testing of equipment and reporting of damage was discussed then the staff went back to work. It was a sombre group but they did as asked and didn’t discuss anything with those staff on duty who didn’t go to the meeting, they would find out in due course.

Merlin had gone into a quiet room where Gwen found him, she said nothing but just held him as he got control of himself. Leon arrived and found Merlin looking much better. He looked up at his boss then looked at Gwen “That was better than I thought.” He admitted. “It’s funny I have hidden it for so long but now so many people either know or have guessed that it feels I haven’t got to hide. I don’t think I could go into detail about what happened but Alice was right, I do need to own what happened”

Leon looked at Merlin “You are a brave man, if you don’t want to do it again I understand. But for what it’s worth I think it will help. Hopefully we will never need all the precautions but if we do they are in place” he hesitated then added “This will stay in the department Merlin, the staff will have been warned.”

Gwen looked up “I will make sure it does, if I hear as much as a whisper….”

“You will tell me” Leon looked at the nurse. “The consultants will deal with it” 

Merlin was much better after he had managed to talk, he did four more sessions each on getting easier. On the last two he was open from the start that it had been him who was injured but kept the extent to himself. He couldn’t believe how much better he felt and how to some extent his confidence had returned. After speaking to Alice he understood it was the next process in his return to something of a normal life. He had finally accepted what had happened to him and that it was not his fault. He still blamed himself for his mother’s death and the unmentioned problem he had, which was still like an elephant in the room. It wouldn’t go away but nor could he discuss it with anyone besides Alice. Tristian and Ann knew but didn’t press him on the exact details. If only it was as easy to deal with.

Merlin was slowly becoming more outgoing and was more enthusiastic about going out, but his group of friends noticed he refused all advances and dates preferring to be alone. Morgana and Percy’s relationship was blooming. Merlin was pleased to see his friend so happy. Arthur came round at least once a week in the evenings for meals and Merlin was polite but distant. Arthur used all his charm but to no avail. Merlin took a week’s annual leave and went to Liverpool and spent the time with Melinda. He was invited to spend Christmas with them but volunteered instead to work. It was in the week proceeding Christmas that he met Uther Pendragon again, something that would have far reaching implications..

Both Morgana and Merlin had the day off and were putting up some decorations when the doorbell rang. Morgana opened the door to find her father on the doorstep. Dressed in the ever present three piece suit and blue tie he looked every inch the politician he was. They had hardly spoken since Morgana had found the truth of her parentage and she wouldn’t have let him in but he just walked past her.

“Morgana I expect you to attend a charity gala with both myself and Arthur on Christmas Eve. I have checked with your work and you are not on duty” Uther’s tone clearly brooked no argument. He clearly expected her to fall in with his plans.

Morgana glared at the man in front of her “No Uther I will not! I told you I want nothing to do with you, now please leave”

“I didn’t ask you I told you!” Uther said “It is important”

“For who? You? Well it isn’t for me, I realise you are due to stand for election next year but quite frankly I couldn’t care less. Now please leave” Morgana had been serious when she had cut her ties with the man in front of her. 

Uther continued to walk deeper into the house “Isn’t this rather small and cramped? You should have come to me I would have helped you get something better than this” as he entered the small kitchen he spotted Merlin who had kept out of the way when he heard Uther’s voice. 

Uther looked at Merlin then recognition crossed his face “You! What are you doing here?” he demanded

“I live here” Merlin told him. 

Uther’s head snapped back to his daughter “You are living out of wedlock!”

Morgana laughed “No, but if I was it wouldn’t be any business of yours. I rent one of my rooms to Merlin”

“Throw him out, it’s totally inappropriate for a single woman to live with a male lodger” Uther looked at Merlin. “Move out within the hour. I will pay for Bed and Breakfast for a month so you can find somewhere else” he glared at Merlin who continued to drink his tea.

“That’s up to Morgana” he said then looked at his landlady “Do you want me to move”

Morgana was seething with anger “No Merlin you are not going anywhere.” Then she turned to her father “Uther get out, I did not invite you here. I have no intention of falling in with any plans you may have and if you don’t leave I will call the police”

That clearly angered Uther “Watch your mouth Morgana, I didn’t request your presence and you will come, and be civil when you are there. I kept you for years and paid your education and gave you everything you needed including expensive holidays. One evening isn’t too much to repay me. It is charity gala for the children’s ward. I have told Arthur he is to come”

This was too much for Morgana “I am your daughter! By blood at least! Looking after children is what parents do. The difference is you just paid for everything and ignored both me and Arthur unless it suited you! Repay you! You have to be joking. I have kept your dirty secret but if you don’t leave now I will ring the tabloids tomorrow. And don’t you dare try to force Arthur”

Uther couldn’t believe his daughter had just let the truth of her parentage out in front of a stranger. He was so angry he lifted his hand to strike Morgana across the face. Whether it would have landed or not they would never know as Merlin’s hand shot up and he caught Uther’s wrist. The normally placid young man stood between Morgana and her father. 

“No you don’t!” Merlin said “I think this has gone too far, now Morgana has asked you to leave, I suggest you do so” he let go of Uther wrist but continued to stand between them.

“This is the second time you have crossed me!” Uther told the younger man. Then he looked at Morgana “You know I wouldn’t have hit you, I never have. I will leave but I expect you to come I will send a car.”

Morgana moved closer to Uther “If I go I will tell everyone there what a hypocrite you are, and don’t you dare try to do anything against Merlin, I won’t let you ruin anyone else’s life. The best day of my life was when I left you behind me. You disgust me”

Uther glared once more at Merlin and turned and left. Once the door closed Morgana sagged and Merlin hugged her in comfort. Morgana remained upset and in the end she ran her brother who came round after work. Morgana told him what happened “How dare he assume I would just do what he wanted, has he contacted you?”

“Yes and I told him no as well. Evidently he wants us there to show how the family all does its bit for the community. The Prime Minister suggested it there is a cabinet reshuffle coming up and I think Father is up for Home Secretary. He rang me to tell me you threatened to tell the ‘family private matter’ as he called it. He asked me to talk to you, but I refused. He seemed upset about Merlin as well.”

“He wanted me to throw Merlin out! Can you believe it?” Morgana glared

“Well since I wanted you to at the beginning I suppose I can’t talk” Arthur admitted

“Did he tell you he raised his hand to me, Merlin stopped him.” Morgana told her brother “Uther is getting worse”

“He just tastes real power, he’s getting older and sees his chances of getting a major post disappearing” Arthur pointed out. “Look don’t let him upset you and for heaven’s sake get a door chain and don’t just open the door it could have been anyone. How many times do I have to warn you?”

Arthur stayed and talked with his sister and they decided to write a joint letter to Uther refusing once again to get involved in his political events and asking him not to contact them. ”That way if necessary we can apply for a restraining order to keep him away from you or at least threaten one. I told him I am cutting all ties, you were right I should have done it before but ……. Well he is family”

Morgana looked at her brother “I know, but Arthur he’s not good for either of us”

Uther left his daughters fuming. He had arrived there already mad at Arthur who had already refused, but he knew if he could get Morgana to go Arthur would turn up. Then to get handled by that doctor, that was too much. That boy had interfered too many times in his business. Still smarting by the refusal of his children to help him in his ambitions he made a phone call to a man who he sometimes did business with. Over the years they had often helped each other to deal with problems. He would see what he could do to ruin the doctor.

“Sarrum I want you to do something for me” he told the man he had phoned “Find out everything you can about a Dr Merlin Emrys and let me know what you find out.”

“No problem Uther I will contact you”

It was thirty six hours later when Uther met up with his friend as they sat in the golf club Sarrum looked at the politician, over the years they had done quite a few favours for each other and it had always worked out well for both of them, this looked like it might be another such case. Sarrum was a hard man who was more than willing to take risks if the reward was good enough.

“This one is clean Uther, worse than that he is a hero” Sarrum told Uther what he had found out about the events in Liverpool. “So he is very close to your brother in law Tristian. Before that he was clean a very talented young man who always worked hard. But I have found something. He is a poof and before the attack he went through a civil ceremony. A love match it seemed but after the attack it fell to pieces. It seems his man wasn’t the person young Emrys thought he was. Anyway their dissolving of the civil ceremony was finalised a couple of months ago. I did some digging and found out that he might be able to help you.”

“I want him ruined” Uther said bitterly “As for Tristian if I can upset him at the same time all well and good. The sanctimonious bastard has always thought he was better than me, he also turned my son away from politics to being a policeman!.” 

“Oh don’t worry he will be, As for Dr Emrys well he won’t be disgraced exactly but his ex-partner is a weakness that will break him, it will cost but I suppose you are happy to pay”

“How much?”

“Well it seems the man is getting married and wants a good honeymoon also he is eager to set up his own business but needs premises. As it happens you own empty office space just where he wants it. For that your young Dr Emrys will be broken into small pieces and like Humpty Dumpty he won’t be put back together again.” Sarrum smiled, he loved it when he could achieve a good result without getting his hands dirty. And if Uther got his cabinet post it could only help his own ambitions.

Uther smirked “Do it, I don’t want that man interfering in my business again”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for triggers - this chapter deals with psychological bullying and discussion of past trauma. PM and I will send a brief resume if this might be a trigger

It was a week later and Uther was getting impatient nothing had happened or if it had the plan hadn’t worked. If nothing materialized soon he would make other plans he would give it three more days. Sarrum however had no such worries, he had planned this carefully, and it had taken time to find just the right moment. He knew that for his plan to work the young doctor needed to be on his own in a place he felt safe. That way maximum impact could be achieved. Getting the ex-partner to do what was required was far easier than he had expected. Sarrum had no doubt that everything would work out perfectly. He had more luck than expected when he had done the initial investigation, as he had managed to get hold of some of the young doctors medical notes, on reading the phycology reports it had given him just the triggers he needed. That together with the conversation with the man who would do the dirty work had made him more confident than he had previously been. What’s more there would be no reason for the end result to be considered anything but a discussion that had got out of hand, nothing would or could be done except maybe a restraining order on the ex-partner. Today was the day. 

Merlin had been on a day shift then an on call night shift and got home tired and hungry. He hadn’t had more than a couple of hours sleep at a time. As he wandered into the kitchen to get a drink before going to bed he was surprised to see Percy sat at the table.

“Hi Merlin”

“Hi Percy, not being funny mate but isn’t Morgana supposed to be at work?”

“She was but they are quiet so she has taken a bank holiday, we’re going out for the day, she’s just getting ready then we’ll be gone” Percy looked at Merlin “You looked knackered”

“That’s good I wouldn’t want to feel like this and look good” Merlin quipped as he poured out some boiling water onto a tea bag. Putting in a couple of spoons of sugar and some milk he sat down next to Percy. “Going anywhere nice?”

“Thought we’d just go for a drive down to the coast, as the schools are back it should be quiet and we bath like walking along the beach” Percy grinned “Want a stick of rock bringing back?”

“No thanks, ruin my teeth” Merlin gave a weak grin. He finished his tea as Morgana walked in “Have fun you two, I’m off to bed” 

Morgana gave Merlin a hug as he walked past. “Have a good sleep Merlin, I suggest you keep the window shut there is some road works starting later. It’s up the road a bit so hopefully won’t bother you too much”

Merlin shrugged “They could be just outside and it won’t keep me awake”

As Morgana and Percy got into the car Percy looked at Morgana “He looked totally worn out”

“He pulled an extra on call as one of the other registrars wives went into labour. He has a couple of days off now. At least we’ll be out of his way” Morgana explained as she smiled happily at her boyfriend. Their relationship was great, in all the time she had been with Leon she had never felt this way. She was only glad that they had never married and not realised they weren’t meant to be. It had been hard breaking up but now she couldn’t be happier. 

It was five hours later when Merlin woke up, he decided to get up as he wanted to sleep later. He needed to get his body clock back to the correct times. He showered and as he went to pick up his pressure vest to put on he heard a knock on the door. Grinning he grabbed a shirt putting it on quickly and ran down stairs thinking it was Morgana who had not taken her keys with her, he had found them by the sink when he had a cup of tea just before his shower. Opening the door Merlin started to speak “Morgana it’s a good job I was at…..”

The door pushed inward and a person Merlin had not been expecting stepped in and closed the door “Hello Merlin long time no see” 

Merlin looked at the figure in shock, it was the last person he expected to see. Just under six foot and in a smart suit the blonde blue eyed man smiled at Merlin. “Nothing to say?” he asked

“Get out! How dare you push you way in” Merlin went to open the door but the blonde was quicker and stood in the way.

“Not so quick Merlin, you could be more civil, I came all the way from Cardiff to see you the least you could do is offer me a cup of tea” the man looked at Merlin before lifting his hand and touching Merlin’s face “I see you’ve grown a beard, to hide your scar I suppose”

Merlin slapped the other man’s hand away “What do you want Brad? I’ve had the paperwork we are no longer ‘partners’ you have no rights anymore” Merlin said clearly shaken. He hadn’t expected to see his ex-partner again.

“Oh Merlin don’t be like that, I came to see how you were and catch up. I hoped we could remain friends. We did live together for three years”

Merlin swallowed his eyes full of hurt “Friends? After what you did? It hasn’t been a year yet!”

“Look just because we didn’t work out doesn’t mean at least one of us can’t be happy,” He paused “Look I’ve found someone new and Mordred makes me happy.” The blonde paused “Be happy for me we are getting married next month I was hoping you would come” he hesitated before continuing “Look the old flat has been sold, it took ages, I need the money for our new business. I was hoping you would invest your share after all it’s only fair, you’d get a good return. It could be your wedding present, you’d get it back”

Merlin shook his head, trying to keep control of himself. He couldn’t believe how the man in front of him still affected him so much. “So this is about money! No you can’t have it. I paid more of the mortgage than you but I agreed to a straight split so it went through quicker. I have asked the solicitors to give my share to Malinda I don’t want any of it. As for being happy for you… I don’t think I can Brad, you hurt me too much, but it was clearly one sided if you’ve replaced me so quickly, now please leave” 

The other man looked at Merlin in disbelief “I, hurt you! We would have been together still if you hadn’t been so stupid, it was you that ruined it all” he looked Merlin up and down in a way that reminded Merlin to much of the past. “You know you’re are still a good looking man with your cloths on its such pity it’s just a misrepresentation of the truth, we both know that.” He continued to look at Merlin “If only it had remained the same like that you remain so…………..I always liked to take you straight after a shower.”

That hurt and Merlin was clearly struggling with his emotions “I thought you had a new man what would he think of what you’re saying? Anyway you know it was me or a pregnant woman and her unborn child, it wasn’t my FAULT I HAD NO CHOICE! Now go and never come near me again!”

“No I don’t think I will, l not yet. Look Merlin you need to get over this, you have to live with it I don’t. But it’s always been about you hasn’t it, have you any idea what I went through?” Brad looked at Merlin his face showing he clearly thought he was the aggrieved one “Getting the phone call, sitting in that damn hospital. Then finding the beautiful smart man I had promised the rest of my life to had gone and all that was left was a nervous wreck, but worse than that was ………. disfigured.” He spat the words out. Then the blondes face turned into a sneer “How was I supposed to cope with that? You got all the sympathy you were a hero! No one cared what I was going through! I lost as much as you but who cared about me. All I got was ‘look after Merlin, he’s been through so much’”

Merlin began to shake as all the memories of their last week’s together flashed through his mind, fighting against them Merlin looked up “You suffered! I nearly died, I lost my mum and was in hospital for six months, I needed your support. I loved you so much but you turned your back on me when I needed you most. I would have stayed with you if it had been you……why…… why couldn’t you have loved me? Why did you cheat on me in our own bed? How could you?”

The blondes face looked at Merlin in surprise “You need to ask me that! Have you looked at yourself! Really looked?” he grabbed hold of Merlin and grabbing his shirt tore the front open, buttons popping of. “Look at yourself!” he pulled Merlin towards the three quarter length mirror at the bottom of the stairs and grabbing Merlin’s face made him look at his reflection. Merlin shut his eyes. Brad increased the pressure “Open your eyes damn it, look at what I had to look at……you look like a fucking monster from a horror film. How could I love that? As for the cheating, you hadn’t been there for me for months, first in hospital then when you got home the bloody nightmares. What did you want me to do? I needed some release and not just holding you until you slept. I was still a man with needs!”

The pain got worse as his ex-partners grip got tighter on Merlin’s jaw. Merlin opened his eyes tears running down his face. He had no choice but to look at the mirror. What he saw reinforced all that Brad had said to him. Merlin had to look at it each day as he rubbed creams into it and prayed the marks would fade. His chest was crisscrossed with long scars that, even after two years and the wearing of the pressure vest, showed up. He knew they would never go if fact the vests were no longer causing any improvement and these were the last he would have. He had tried Laser treatment but knew deep in his heart that he had to live with how he looked. Some were now faint white lines but others were puckered and raised. Merlin hated looking at himself, so understood how it must be for someone else. Then Brad let Merlin go and the raven haired man sank to his knees.

“I was still the same person” Merlin whispered trying as much as anything to convince himself.

“No you weren’t Merlin, and I knew you never would be, my Merlin was gone forever, and all that was left was a mockery of what I knew. Well now I’ve got someone new, I hoped you would be happy for me and that we could have been friends of sorts. I see we can’t, you’re still the same selfish Merlin worried about yourself. Don’t worry you won’t see me again, the very sight of you make me want to puke. How you live with yourself I can’t understand. I know I couldn’t have.” With that the blonde walked out of the door leaving Merlin on his knees in complete shock.

After Brad had left Merlin he drove off, in a way he felt bad about what had just happened, but he had done it for his future, his and Mordred’s. When he had been approached and asked to make the visit he hadn’t taken much persuasion if he was honest. But he still wondered what Merlin had done that someone was willing to part with so much, for something he had often thought of doing anyway, as a way of giving him closure. After all he had often wondered how Merlin was, and how the scars would fade. Now he knew and it confirmed that he would not have wanted to look at them or indeed touch Merlin again. When he had looked at Merlin before the scars had been exposed he had felt the familiar attraction, theirs had always been a very intense relationship. When they went through the civil ceremony Brad had never considered that they would ever split up. Brad had been turned on not just by Merlin’s looks but his brains. He had also enjoyed the kudos of being with an up and coming doctor who was well respected. He had loved Merlin as deeply as he had loved anyone, even Mordred was a similar type that was what attracted Brad to him. But he was angry that when they had parted everyone one had him down as the bad guy, he had tried. Although privately he had wished Merlin hadn’t survived once he saw the previously beautiful body reduced to an ugly mess. 

Brad knew everything he had just said to Merlin was true even down to wondering how Merlin lived with himself, if he had been Merlin he would have killed himself rather than live like that. Brad knew he had needed to say all he had, to get it off his chest, he had said it all before, but then Merlin had been depressed and hardly heard him. Brad couldn’t help but wonder if now Merlin could find the courage to end it all, and then at least then he could rest in peace. It couldn’t be easy living with that. Brad intended to try to make a better life for himself and now he had the chance. Putting his actions to the back of his mind he drove back to Cardiff thinking of his upcoming wedding and the new man in his life.

In Albion Arthur and Lance were on duty they had been sent to sort out some traffic congestion after an accident at some road works. It was the road works just along by his sister’s house. It took them nearly an hour to sort everything out, they had had to wait for recovery vehicles. Once everything was clear they drove back along the road. Arthur glanced to see if Morgana was back as he was finishing work soon and intended to visit it was her birthday the next day as he had a present to deliver, as he was working on her actual birthday. As he glanced out of the window he noticed Morgana’s front door was open. But there was no sign of her car.

“Pull over a minute Lance, I want to check something”

Lance pulled over as requested “What’s up?”

“Morgana’s front door is open and I can’t see anyone about. Probably nothing but I just want to check” Arthur got out of the car and Lance followed.  
Lance was well aware of how protective Arthur was of Morgana. As they walked back to the house and up the drive Arthur looked around. It didn’t look like either Morgana or Merlin had been working in the front garden. Carefully looking in the door he called out 

“Gana..Merlin anyone at home?”

It was then he saw Merlin on the floor at the foot of the stairs, it was immediately clear that something was far from alright. The man was curled up and had his shirt half off and he was pale as a sheet. Kneeling down he went to touch the fallen man. Merlin chose that moment to open his eyes, seeing the blonde head near him he whimpered in fear “please go, leave me alone.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Merlin its Arthur, what happened?”

Merlin shrank way in fear his eyes unfocused “Leave me alone!”

Arthur got closer to Merlin “Merlin its Arthur are you hurt, can you tell us what happened?”

Merlin opened his eyes a bit he could make out the police uniform before his eyes went u and he saw the blonde hair but at least this time he didn’t cringe “Please leave me alone” he repeated.

“Call for an ambulance” Arthur told his partner “Something is clearly very wrong”

“No!” Merlin shout “No hospital”

“Merlin you need to tell us what happened, are you hurt?” Arthur insisted calmly and quietly. He looked over Merlin the best he could, not wanting to force Merlin to move in case there were unseen injuries. As Merlin moved Arthur saw bruising at Merlin’s jawline that looked like finger marks. “Who did this Merlin?”

Merlin whimpered then seemed to try to pull himself together. “He forced his way in…….I thought it was Morgana” Merlin tightened his grip on his shirt grasping the edges together.

Arthur waited hoping Merlin would continue, he was clearly very distressed and frightened. All the time Arthur was glancing around for clues. Lance was looking around making sure not to touch anything. “No sign of anyone now” he told his partner.

“Has he gone?” Merlin whispered 

“There no one here now Merlin, did you know who it was?” Arthur asked still knelt at the floor next to the doctor.

Merlin gave a small nod then started to shake. He went to move and Arthur saw some of the scars for the first time. Being careful not to react in any way the police sergeant spoke again “Merlin are you hurt because I would rather you stayed where you are until the ambulance got here”

“M’fine” Merlin went to push himself off of the floor but collapsed back down and closed his eyes, his body giving way to the emotional stress he was under.

 

Arthur looked up as he heard a car pull up “its Morgana and Percy. Get Percy in here” he told his partner.

 

Lance went out to meet Morgana and the paramedic Morgana looked at Lance “What are you doing here?”

“We came past and saw the door open so stopped to check. Look Percy we need your help Merlin is on the floor, he doesn’t seem to be physically hurt but he had passed out, we’ve called an ambulance.”

As Percy went indoors Lance stopped Morgana “Stay here we don’t want anything disturbing, Arthur will call if you are need.

Percy had rushed indoors asking Arthur to move and wait outside, he bent down to Merlin and began to check him over seeing nothing immediately wrong he spoke once more “Merlin are you having a panic attack” getting no answer he gently moved Merlin’s neck to extend it so open the young man’s airway. The ambulance arrived shortly after and Percy saw it was Will and Cenred.

Will looked at Arthur then Morgana but not wasting time he went inside. Seeing Merlin Will immediately started asking Percy questions. It was always hard when you knew the person you had been called to help. And Will had become good friends with Merlin. Handing over what he knew to Will, Percy helped get Merlin onto the trolley and Will and Cenred put Merlin onto the ambulance. Will looked at Arthur “Can you warn Leon who we are bringing in? He will want to be there”

Arthur nodded and got out his phone and called his best friend. Telling him what he could he watched the Ambulance pull away. Then he went to Morgana “Can you go inside and without touching anything see if anything is missing. Since we don’t know what happened yet we need to be careful. Then I will take you to the hospital” 

Morgana was worried and upset but she could understand why Arthur wanted her to look round the house. Once she had she turned to him “Nothing has gone not even my spare cash bottle that was in plain sight, now can we go please?” she paused “I’m worried about Merlin, I saw the marks on his neck what do you think happened?”

“I don’t know Morgana, and it’s no use speculating until he tells us” Arthur hugged his sister. “Someone is coming to see if there are any prints anywhere. Lance will stay here and make sure the house is locked up afterwards. Come on I’ll drive your car so Lance has the patrol car here.”

As the ambulance pulled up in the bay outside the A&E department Leon came out to meet it. He got in the back and checked Merlin quickly. Then turning to the paramedics he said “Take him though to room three, I don’t want him in a bay. Try to make sure he gets as much privacy as you can.” 

Leon knew how quickly the hospital grapevine worked and wanted to maintain Merlin’s privacy, he was just as entitled to confidentiality and privacy as anyone else. On hearing Arthur’s report he had already phoned Alice as a precaution, she was going to fly down and would be at least another hour. Once Merlin was in the room and onto the trolley Gwen came in and started the assessment. Leon took a handover from the team and then ushered then out. It seemed fairly clear that Merlin was suffering some sort of extreme reaction to anxiety and stress. There didn’t seem to be any physical damage other that the bruising round the chin and neck. They did however check with an ECG and other observations. Leon and Gwen looked at each other as they realised the full extent of Merlin’s scaring. Gwen said calmly “I’m glad he’s in here and not a bay” she was well aware that Merlin wouldn’t want his condition to become public knowledge. She knew him well enough to know how much of a private man he was. 

The ambulance crew had already placed an intravenous cannula so Leon started up a drip as a precaution. Merlin was beginning to stir. Leon stood beside Merlin and held his hand and made soothing noises. “Merlin its Leon, you are in hospital. Can you open your eyes for me please?”

Merlin struggled to open his eyes. He felt very fuzzy and confused. As he opened his eyes he realised his neck was painful and he started to remember. As he did he began to panic once more. Leon continued to speak quietly until Merlin settled down once more. “Merlin can you tell me what happened? In your own time.”

Merlin looked at his friend and boss he also noticed Gwen nearby, she came to his other side and held his other hand. Looking at Leon Merlin took a deep breath and in a quiet but crocky voice said “I opened the door I thought it was Morgana, it wasn’t……………he pushed inside I couldn’t stop him”

It was then that there was a knock on the door, Gwen went to see who it was it was Arthur and Morgana. Whispering to Leon the doctor nodded than looked at Merlin “Merlin the police are here…it’s Arthur. He was the one that found you. He needs to know what happened can he come in?”

Merlin looked away and there was a pause. Leon said softly “That way Merlin you need only say it all once.”

Merlin gave a small nod. Leon said to Gwen “Just Arthur, get Morgana to go and have a coffee or something.”

Arthur walked in his hat under his arm. He walked up to Leon then looked down at Merlin, Merlin looked up at him fear evident in his eyes. “Hello Merlin, nice to see your eyes open.”

Merlin kept silent. Leon looked at Merlin “Now Merlin you just told me that you answered the door thinking it was Morgana but someone pushed past you. Will you please continue?”

Merlin held Leon’s gaze and the closing his eyes spoke again. “He pushed past……..” Merlin continued and gave the very basic facts of Brads visit. “Then he ripped my shirt open and grabbed my neck and kept squeezing until I looked into the mirror, as if I didn’t know what I would see. He said I was a …………….m monster f from a horror film. He left then”

Arthur was disgusted by what he had heard and he knew exactly who had done this to Merlin but the raven haired man hadn’t said a name, and without that he couldn’t really progress. “Merlin I’m sorry but I need to name.”

Merlin looked at Arthur “Does it matter? I’m not going to do anything, he is right about it all, it was all my fault and I know what I look like!”

“Yes it does matter Merlin, he forced his way into your home and hurt you, please just give me a name” Arthur pleaded

Leon looked at his friend “You need to tell us Merlin, you know as well as we do that someone who can do this rarely just stops. Just give Arthur the name please”

Merlin gave a deep sigh “Brad Jameson, he was my civil partner, it has just been officially dissolved ….but I won’t press charges” with that he closed his eyes once more and began to shake once more.

Leon took Arthur’s arm and led him to the door “That’s enough for now. I’m sorry but I need to keep Merlin calm I have his phycologist coming. Once she’s seen him I’ll see what I can do.” 

Arthur nodded “Can I tell Morgana to come in?”

“Ask her to leave it for half an hour” he paused “You won’t tell her?”

“No Leon, that’s information gained as part of my enquiries.” Arthur told his friend “Look after him Leon.” He paused “I will contact my uncle he is next of kin”

“Thank you and we will look after him. Look can I tell Morgana is was someone known to Merlin and not a burglar? I don’t want he frightened” 

“You can, but tell her to come to say with me overnight, her house is being fingerprinted. I will pick her up here when I’ve finished”

Gwen and Leon comforted Merlin, then Leon went on to see another patient leaving Gwen with Merlin. Leon went to find Morgana, finding her he took her into his office.

“You can go and see Merlin now, please don’t press him about what happened, if he wants to tell you he will. He’s pretty shock up and needs lots of support. Arthur wants you to stay with him overnight, your place is being fingerprinted. Otherwise all I can say is you have no need to worry it was someone known to Merlin and not a burglar.” 

The next thing Arthur did was to ring his uncle and tell him that Merlin was in hospital and why “I know the basic story but need some infill and Merlin is in no state to be questioned at the moment.” He told Tristian. 

 

The other man paused “Alright but I don’t like it. Keep as much as you can to yourself or need to know. I must say I’m surprised that Brad had shown up like this, I don’t like the man and have no time for him. Anyway Merlin was already in a civil partnership when the attack happened. After Merlin was discharged from hospital they moved to Cardiff. Brad Jameson, his partner, was offered a good job there and Merlin wanted to go back to work and Cardiff offered him a part time post, it was clear he needed to get away from Liverpool. Then when Merlin didn’t turn up at work one day, his consultant, knowing we were friends, contacted us. We were also his next of kin. We travelled down to Cardiff and visited Merlin. It seemed after they had been at Cardiff for a month Merlin found Brad with another man, in their bed. Merlin was in a total mess when we found him. Merlin had no idea Brad was unhappy but after Merlin discovered he was being unfaithful Brad told Merlin couldn’t face the scars. He told Merlin that he wasn’t the same man anymore. He said his Merlin had been beautiful and perfect, and he just couldn’t touch Merlin anymore as he was ugly. He was sorry but he was leaving. By the time we arrived three days later Merlin had already received letters from the solicitor where Brad admitted to being unfaithful and applying for an end to the partnership. Brad also said that he had suffered mental cruelty from Merlin as he had become unreasonable after his assault. Basically blaming Merlin for the breakup. It almost killed Merlin. We took him home with us and looked after him. In the end it was Melinda who saved Merlin. They took to each other and it gave him something to live for. So you see Merlin lost everything when he saved Ann and our baby, his self-respect, mother and partner” 

Tristian paused then continued “Now perhaps you can see why I told you not to pry in the first, Merlin had good reasons for what he has done. When he decided he wanted to move to a quiet area and try to rebuild him life he had our blessing, but we insisted that he phone twice a week and keep us as his next of kin. I don’t know if I would have had his strength of character. Every time he looks at himself he sees an ugly man covered in scars, not the kind and wonderful man he is and despite everything he doesn’t blame Brad for what he did, he handed over half of everything to Brad and although he was deeply hurt he had never blamed him. Arthur he realises he is unreasonable in his attitude to you and it’s not your fault you look like Brad…… I can see he would find it hard to talk to you. Merlin is brave and resilient but he is also broken in many ways. Leon knows some of his story, Merlin told him. He is safe with patients but I’m just not sure how safe he is for himself. I know he loses himself in work, it’s a coping strategy. 

Arthur felt sick at what he had been told. “Do you have an address for this Brad” Arthur asked 

“No we don’t but I do have Merlin’s solicitors name, he must have it as he has dealt with the separation. It only recently became final. Arthur I am driving down as soon as I finish work. Just go careful with the questioning, in fact it might be better if don’t do it yourself please. I will bring a photo and then you’ll know why.”

 

“I’ve seen one sometime ago” Arthur admitted “It was in a book I was reading. Merlin doesn’t know”

“Despite how Brad treated Merlin I can’t believe he would hurt physically, although he was certainly mentally cruel to Merlin.” Tristian said.

“Well he has and Merlin doesn’t want to press charges. I’m hoping we can get him to change his mind. I’m fed up with bastards like him getting away with things. I see too much of it.” Arthur paused “I find abuse cases the worse to deal with, when the one abused won’t stand up and do something. I know it’s hard but…..”

“Try and think of it from Merlin’s angle. If he does agree to charges he has to face Brad in court, and hear everything all over again and for what. You know as well as I do the sentences are often laughable. I agree I would like to see Merlin go with it, but I won’t push him” Tristian told his nephew. “But I’m sure that won’t stop you questioning him.”

“No I intend to ask for him to be brought in. Either that or ask if I can pay him a visit in Cardiff” Arthur admitted. “After all at the moment Merlin isn’t in the right place to make decisions.”

Morgana sat with Merlin allowing Gwen to check on other patients, but both she and Leon checked on Merlin regularly. They were waiting for Alice before deciding what to do with Merlin. The Ear Nose and Throat doctor had checked Merlin and said his throat was slightly swollen but would recover. Leon and the police both arranged for photos of the bruising to be taken. Other than that they were left alone. Merlin told Morgana some of what happened then closed his eyes. Morgana sat quietly wondering why such a sweet man had been through so much and how he had remained so kind and friendly.

When Alice arrived Morgana left them to it and waited for Arthur. He arrived twenty minutes later, in a foul mood. “What’s got you so uppity?”

“They’ve taken me off the case, they said I was to close.” Arthur snarled. “I wanted to carry it through”

“Who has it?”

“They’ve handed it over to the CID it seems they’ve sussed Merlin is close to Tristian and have upped the interest.” Arthur complained. “At least Pellinore is going to tip me off when anything happens. I want to keep in touch with the case. All we need to do now is talk Merlin into pressing charges.”

Arthur took his sister back to her house to collect a change of clothes and then they went back to his flat. Where they talked about what happened. Even though Merlin had not confided in her Morgana had a very good idea what had happened but acknowledged Merlin’s right to privacy so didn’t question her brother, knowing he wouldn’t tell her anyway. At nine o’clock Tristian, Anne and Malinda arrived. Anne went off to the hospital as soon as she had settled her daughter.

Alice spent a couple of hours with Merlin and helped him to calm down and face what had happened. After talking to Leon they put Merlin on of the wards in a proper bed as Alice wanted to discharge him in the morning. He would stay in just to make sure there wasn’t any complications with his throat. He was allowed to see Anne for a short visit. Anne had hugged Merlin and the raven haired man had sobbed on her shoulder, until the sedative Alice had arranged for Merlin to have sent him to sleep. Merlin was awake by five am and feeling stupid that he had allowed Brad to send him into such a state. He got up and had a wash, and one of the nurses made him a cup of tea and some toast. After a visit from the ENT he was told he would be collected by Tristian and Anne as soon as they could come in. 

Alice had arrived at the flat and spoken to them all before Merlin arrived. She had warned them all that this had been a setback for Merlin and he would need their support if he was to get back to how he was. Alice told both Morgana and Anne that she was unsure where Merlin would want to stay and would need to discuss it with him in more detail once he was out of hospital. 

By ten Merlin was at Arthur’s flat sitting with Melinda on this lap. Arthur had left for work and had briefly spoken to Merlin before he left. Merlin was grateful to the blonde but couldn’t shake the feeling of unease he had around him, no matter how irrational it was. Morgana had the day off as it was her birthday. She had asked Percy if he would go to her house and remove the mirror from the hall wall. She had been told she could move back that morning, but if Merlin was to come with her she didn’t want him getting upset. 

Morgana had raided her brother’s kitchen and made them all a full English breakfast for brunch which to her surprise Merlin ate sitting at the table with Melinda on his lap.

“Thanks Morgana I don’t think I ate much yesterday. I was out of it most of the time.” He even gave her a weak grin.

“It’s a pleasure, anyway thank Arthur it’s his food. I’m glad to see you eating something” She smiled as Merlin fed Melinda some of his food, dipping some bread into his egg yolk.

“You spoil that child” Anne complained

“Of course she deserves it don’t you darling?” the little girl squealed as Merlin tickled her under the chin. Morgana was amazed at how Merlin’s spirits seemed to lift around the little girl, he was almost like his old self. But when her mother took her in to the bathroom Merlin’s mood dropped instantly.


	10. Chapter 10

Morgana noticed that as well as the white t-shirt Merlin normally wore, he also had a light scarf around his neck, presumably to hide the bruising. It seemed such a shame to her that Merlin felt the need to hide things that weren’t his fault, it was like he was hiding himself. Her respect for the doctor had increased so much in the time she had known him, and not because of who he had saved but the way he was coping. Morgana didn’t think many people could have managed so well. Just that morning Merlin had told he that it was his ex-partner that had been involved, he had told her so she wasn’t worried about who had been in her home.

Anne and Tristian wanted Merlin to go back with them but Merlin declined saying he could run away when ever his live took a dip. But what was upsetting them even more was that Merlin still insisted he would not press charges against Brad. “Everything he said was right, you can’t press charges for telling the truth, no matter how unpalatable. As to making me face myself, well perhaps I need to” he insisted.

The police however decided to have a word with Brad anyway. If for nothing else to talk to him about forcing his way into Morgana’s house and hopefully stop any further visits. George Pellinore asked and gained permission to visit Brad Jameson in Cardiff, rather than call the man back to Camelot. It wasn’t normal practice but Arthur managed to get the Detective to agree to take him along. They used the justification that Arthur had been the one to find Merlin this knew the circumstances. The two men travelled to Cardiff where they interviewed Brad at the main station. As they went into the interview room Arthur could immediately see why Merlin had had problems with becoming friendly with him. Brad Jameson was the same height and build as Arthur as well as having the same hair and eye colour in fact they could easily be taken for brothers.

Brad stood up as they entered and shock their hands once they had all be introduced. Brad was dressed in a sharp business suit and looked every inch the respectable business man. He had brought a lawyer with him. Pellinore was to lead the interview. After going through the normal procedures Pellinore asked Brad to say what had happened the day he had gone to Camelot. The man had not pretended not to have made the visit.

“I went to the house and knocked on the door. Merlin let me in and after I made sure Merlin had got all the paperwork finalising our legal dispersing of the civil partnership we talked about what had happened since we split up. I also asked Merlin if he was still willing to invest part of the proceeds of our flat sale to my new business venture. It was something he had expressed interest in before. He declined saying he had other plans for the money.” He paused “I know that sounds insensitive but as I say we had already discussed it. I then told Merlin I was getting married and as I wished to remain friends I would like him to come. He got rather aggressive at this point.”

“You were surprised that he was upset?” Pellinore asked

“Yes I was. Our break up was amicable and he had always said he wanted me to find someone new. I really thought he meant that. Anyway Merlin then started shouting dragging up things I thought we had settled a long time ago. He demanded to know why I had left him. Then he ripped his shirt open and asked if it was his scarring that had driven us apart. Of course I said not. You have to understand after the attack at the hospital Merlin had lots of understandable issues, that was what eventually split us up. I supported him all I could but he became increasingly unreasonable and unstable. Merlin has two faces his professional one and the much different private one. Anyway he flew at me. I know he is less muscular than me but he was out of his head he was hitting and kicking me. I grabbed him where I could and held him away just to protect myself. Unfortunately it was his neck that I managed to grab so as quickly as I could I let him go and left the house and drove back to Cardiff.”

“So you are saying he ripped his own shirt and you only grabbed him as self-defence.” Pellinore asked.

“Yes, I realise he probably said differently and I can’t prove that it’s his word against mine. But you need to understand Merlin is mentally unstable, I was astounded when he was allowed to continue working. I believe he still sees a psychologist” Brad’s face and voice expressed real sorrow and concern. Arthur wanted to hit him through the wall. He had seen to many manipulative abusers over the years and they really annoyed him. 

Pellinore looked at a report in front of him “We know about Mr Emrys’s medical history he has been fully open about it, but his psychologist as well as two others pasted him fit to work and in fact state that Mr Emrys is coping very well. That he is in fact very stable and well able to work with the backing of his consultant which he is getting. In fact both the evidence at your civil partnership dissolving hearing and the medical reports we have suggest that although you claimed otherwise the reason for the breakdown in the partnership was your infidelity and your unreasonable behaviour. I put it to you that were the one who lost your temper and not Mr Emrys that you ripped the shirt and the bruising was where you grabbed his face to force him to look in the mirror, the medical reports and photos back that up.”

“They would all the doctors stick together! Why would I want to do anything like that?!” Brad said angrily at which his lawyer spoke to him then to the police officers. 

“There seems to be two stories being told here, my client has cooperated completely and has an unblemished character. What proof do you have of all this as only two people were present?”

Pellinore looked at Brad once more “So to go back to the beginning you say Merlin opened the door and let you in. Is that right?”

“Yes” Brad said tersely

“Yet the door shows damage to the seals where something? a foot was put in to stop it being closed and traces of shoe polish and also fingerprints to show the door was pushed open rather than someone just walking in. Are you sure Mr Emrys invited you in?”

“Of course he did”

Pellinore placed some photos down on the table “This is the bruising in shows clearly where force was used to make the head raise, as if Mr Emrys was looking down, also the bruising was caused by prolonged pressure that would have caused a great deal of pain.” The detective paused “You say Mr Emrys was hitting and kicking you. Can you show us any bruising or marks?”

“No because I stopped him. Look I didn’t cause that” he pointed at the photos “he could have got those after I Ieft …maybe he did it himself”

Pellinore smiled “I am sure that we can get measurements to show the size of hand that caused them. Also skin swabs have been taken they would show DNA flakes. It seems, although I am no expert, that the force needed to cause such bruising would leave such traces from the attacker hand. We do after all shed skin all the time. Also the bruising was very fresh when Mr Emrys was found, it is estimated that the first police officer was on the scene within fifteen minutes of you leaving. CITV footage backs the timing up and shows your car going through the city so we have a time for you both coming in and leaving the town.”

The lawyer spoke next “That seems very quick. If Mr Emrys was attacked in such a manner that you suggest it seems he must had recovered very quickly to ring the police and for them to get there in that time.”

Pellinore looked at the lawyer. “Mr Emrys actually took considerable time to get over the shock. But a passing police car attending another incident saw the door of the house open and investigated and found Mr Emrys”

Arthur was watching Brads reactions as was Pellinore and they saw him look at his lawyer nervously. 

“That was convenient I assume the policeman filled in a full report.”

Arthur decided enough was enough “I did, as I’m sure Mr Jameson noticed there was road works just up the road, and they causes considerable back up of traffic. My partner and I had just cleared it when drove past the house we noticed the door open. Not normal practice as the front gardens are less than a couple of feet wide. There was no car in the drive so we stopped. Mr Emrys as you suggest was in no state to call anyone. We had to get an ambulance to him. As the owner then arrived home we were able to establish very quickly that it wasn’t a burglary so we ordered the appropriate forensics before anything got contaminated. We were in the right place at the right time.” 

Pellinore turned to both the lawyer and Brad and said “We would like fingerprints before you go Sir and also the local boys would like to go back with you to your home to collect any footwear for testing. That should clear things up quicker”

Brad was clearly losing his cool “All this for a minor disagreement between to adults, over the top and a waste of police time.”

“Assault is never a waste of police time Sir. I hope you will cooperate” Pellinore asked calmly

The lawyer spoke up “All we need to is sort this out my client will cooperate fully, but will require a full apology later” 

After they had left the interview room Pellinore looked at Arthur “He sure didn’t like what we told him, I think he’s as guilty as hell, do you think Mr Emrys will file a complaint I would like to nail this, there is too much of this sort of thing going on. We get one successful prosecution and it gives other the courage to file complaints” 

Arthur sighed “I hope so, but like so many he sees it as his fault. He told me that his ex-partner had only told the truth. But he was a right bastard all though. Who leaves someone they love they would have killed themselves if they looked like that. Merlin was a bloody hero. As far as I know this was the first physical violence but mental cruelty is as damaging”

“From now Arthur you need to keep away from this, if that lawyer finds out how closely you are involved he could put all sorts of obstacles in our way. I know you are playing it by the book but we have to go careful” Pellinore paused “That man could be your twin”

“I know, and it isn’t helping my relationship with Merlin either, I think all he sees when he looks at me is his ex, and I don’t know how to get round that. I would love to know him better. At the beginning I really didn’t like him, I was worried about him moving in with my sister, he seems off somehow. Now I know why I feel a right Prat.”


	11. Chapter 11

Merlin refused to go back with Anne and Tristian to Liverpool despite their pleas for him to do so.

“I can’t keep running away, I have a life and a job here” he told them. “I need to pull myself together and get on with things. Alice has said she will stay here for a while and help me through it. Please understand, but I will come and visit soon” Merlin pleaded.

The couple felt proud of their friend. It was not easy for him they knew that. Tristian looked at Merlin “You might like what I am going to say, but I will. You need to press charges and apply for a non-harassment order. It is what you would tell any patient of yours to do. Brad needs to understand he can’t treat people like that and what’s more he needs to seek treatment. You say he has a new man, well he is in danger as well, you know that as well as me. Promise me you will think about it” 

Merlin wouldn’t meet Tristian’s eyes, nor did he answer him. Morgana then spoke “He’s right Merlin, I know you have dealt with people who have had problems and advised them.”

“But he was right! He only told the truth” Merlin mumbled.

Anne sat beside Merlin “That’s not true Merlin. It was his problem not yours! What you did was brave and saved lives. If he had truly loved you he wouldn’t have cared about the scars, he would have supported you. Your scars don’t make you ugly, his attitude and actions proves he is!” Anne hugged Merlin “You are the nicest person I know Merlin”

Merlin squirmed “You’re prejudice” he muttered. He got up and went towards the stairs. “I’m sorry I don’t want to talk about it” with that he went to his room.

Anne looked at Morgana “You will phone us and let us know how Merlin is won’t you”

“I will, I’ll also try to get him to agree to press charges but I don’t make any promises.” Morgana told her friends. “He is a stubborn man”

“He is, that’s why he has got as far as he has” Tristian agreed  
…….  
As promised Merlin continued to see Alice who stayed at Arthur’s flat. He had daily sessions and it was after one of these that Arthur spoke to Merlin again. Alice had taken Merlin to the flat as Morgana had a day off, and Merlin didn’t want Morgana to fell she had to keep quiet or feel in anyway uncomfortable. They had finished their session and were having a cup of tea when Arthur arrived home. That day Alice had spoken to Merlin about his avoidance of Arthur and how he needed to get over the association between blonde and his previous partner. Alice knew of Merlin’s preferred ‘type’ and wanted him to be able to move on and form new relationships. It wouldn’t be healthy for him to avoid one part of the population altogether. Having spent time with Arthur she also personally felt Arthur would be good for Merlin, as a friend or maybe more.  
Arthur meanwhile had been speaking to Pellinore who needed to make a decision about closing the case. He had found out several ‘interesting’ leads but wouldn’t tell Arthur. “We need Merlin to agree to a case being taken forward.” He had told Arthur earlier that day. 

Knowing that time was running out, and since the psychologist was there to support Merlin after saying hello Arthur asked the raven haired man “I hate to bring it up Merlin but DI Pellinore needs to know if you have changed your mind about pressing charges” he paused then continued “It would be so good if you did, we get to much of this sort of thing, and I suspect you know after every successful prosecution it encourages others to come forward and helps stop the circle of abuse”

Merlin glanced at Alice, they had discussed that very topic and it had helped Merlin decide what he would do. He looked at the blonde and gave a small nod “I will”

Arthur grinned “Thank you Merlin, I realise what it has taken you and I can only say I’m pleased. It will help you move on and you will get support from the police all the way, as well as your friends. I will let Pellinore know.” Taking a drink of his tea before continuing Arthur took the plunge, this was something he had already spoken to Alice about doing. “Merlin I know you hate talking about your scars but I need to say something. I saw them that day and I didn’t see a freak or anything like that. I saw a very brave man who did something I’m not sure I could have done. To continue to protect Anne for as long as you did took raw nerve, I saw your scars as a mark of courage and it made me admire you even more” he paused before continuing . “I know I was a prat when we first met. I made assumptions about you I shouldn’t have. I could tell you were hiding something and it made me wary. I was very wrong and you taught me to be more open minded. When I look at you I don’t see a scared man at all, but one I admire and not just because you saved someone I know. Can we start again I would like to be your friend and support you in any way I can. I have met your ex-partner and realise I am somewhat similar in appearance, but I am not the same, despite first impressions” 

Merlin looked at Arthur not sure what to say. He was a very friendly man as a rule and didn’t like the way he had acted to Arthur. He knew why and realised it wasn’t fair. Again having spent time discussing his avoidance of a certain type, and how it was affecting his life, Merlin knew he needed to overcome his aversion and perhaps Arthur was a good place to start. At least he understood and now knew all his secrets so he wouldn’t have to explain anything. Morgana had also tried to get Merlin to see that Arthur was not a bad sort, even if he was sometimes over protective of her. Having taken the step to proceed with the prosecution he was also sensible enough to understand he would need support. So forcing himself to really look at Arthur for the first time, Merlin gave the only reply he thought he could. 

“I guess I wasn’t that reasonable either, I’m sorry. I guess I’m more screwed up than I thought.” He admitted. “I am taking a couple of weeks off to try and get my life back on track, and I would ……appreciate it if we could try to be friends.” He gave a rueful smile “That way I please Morgana as well, and she can be quite scary, you know she loves you a lot don’t you”

Arthur grinned “I do, I love her to, and I suppose that’s why I worry about her. And by the way she scares me and I’m her brother! If it’s any consolation I think she has adopted you as another brother.”

Merlin managed a small smile “So that makes me your brother as well does it you prat”

Something tugged at Arthur as Merlin said that. He didn’t really want Merlin to see him as a brother, but it was a start. “Less of the prat anyway you’re one to speak you can be quite an idiot you know that don’t you?” he came back with a grin


	12. Chapter 12

Merlin found the meeting with Pellinore better than he had thought. He managed to talk though what had happened even though he was shaking by the end. It helped that he had Alice with him. Merlin was also contacted by the police victim support team and they also helped. Merlin found it hard when he heard Brad’s version of events. It seemed when Brad was confronted once more, after the results of the tests came through and there was clear evidence to back Merlin’s version, he still denied everything. Then his lawyer applied for permission for Brad to leave the country for three weeks as Brad was he would be on honeymoon. On finding out that it was a Seychelles Pellinore’s curiosity was tweaked. After all in both Merlin’s and Brad’s version of events mentioned Brad starting up a new business venture and needing money. The DI did a bit of investigating with the Cardiff police and found that Brad had also recently registered a new company to some very swanky offices in the city. 

After making further enquiries Pellinore found that the honeymoon had been paid for in cash and that the office block was owned by a company whose controlling share was owned by Uther Pendragon MP, Arthur’s father and the man tipped to be the next Home Secretary. The fact that Pellinore knew that Arthur had a turbulent relationship with his father made the man think even further. Not wanting to cause problems he decided to do a bit of discreet digging. What he found was even more puzzling, the contract for the offices was signed after the assault and was for a rental far lower than any other offices in the building. In fact unrealistically so.

Pellinore casually asked Merlin if he knew Arthur’s father and was intrigued by the reply “Oh yes, I had a couple of run in’s with him. I try to avoid him”

Pellinore asked what about Merlin replied “Oh only little things but I can’t say I like him. Mind you he is a politician” and refused to be draw further.

So the DI asked Arthur if he knew. “You know my father he threw his weight around when I was taken to A&E after I was attacked, he tried to put in a complaint about Merlin because he didn’t admit me. I understand he also had a run in with him at Morgana’s one day as well.”

Pellinore looked thoughtful and so Arthur demanded “Why do you ask?”

 

“Just tying up loose ends, don’t ask further I can’t tell you, you need to keep clear Arthur of this investigation Arthur you know that, I had to ask you but I don’t want to put you in a bad position with your family”

Arthur snorted “It’s no secret my relationship with my father is strained, Morgana and Uncle Tristian are my real family.”

After finishing with Arthur Pellinore went round straight away to speak to Morgana after introducing himself he asked “Miss La Fey I understand that Dr Emrys had a disagreement with your step father, Uther Pendragon, here one day could you tell me about it?”

Morgana glared at the policeman “What has he said?”

“Nothing I haven’t spoken to him. But could you tell me what it was about please. I just want to clear up some lose ends.”

Morgana snorted “Uther came round here uninvited and tried to force me to go to some public event with him, I declined and we rowed. Uther raised his hand to me and Merlin grabbed his hand to stop him. Needless to say Uther wasn’t happy and showed it. He had already had a run in with Merlin when Uther tried to interfere with Arthur’s treatment after he received an injury and went to A&E.” After a few more questions the DI left. Morgan smelt a rat and as soon as he had left she phoned her brother. 

“What has Uther been up to?” she demanded

“I don’t know it’s not my investigation.” Arthur said “Just leave it to the team Morgana and keep out of it please. Don’t do anything that could muddy the waters.” 

“I won’t but I can’t work out what it has to do with Uther” she paused “Are you certain you don’t know anything?”

“No I don’t and I know Pellinore well enough not to ask. He says it is loose ends so we will have to wait. I wouldn’t mention it to Merlin.” Arthur advised “I don’t think he needs anything else to worry about.”

Morgana smirked to herself “That sounds like concern Arthur, have you changed your mind about Merlin?”

“You know I have. I was right in the first place he was hiding things, but I admit I was way of track. Now drop it OK” Arthur put the phone down annoyed that his sister could see through him so easily.

Pellinore asked a colleague in Cardiff to ask Mr Jameson a couple of questions. Then he spoke to his boss before going to see Mr Uther Pendragon. After being shown in to the office of Uther’s constituency base Pellinore and his partner found themselves face to face with Arthur’s father. Uther looked every inch the top politician and was clearly puzzled as to why the police wanted to speak to him. Pellinore was very careful with his questions first asking if Uther knew Brad Jameson. On getting a negative. Pellinore than asked if he knew any reason for the man in question to be given the low rent at a prestigious development. 

“Really officer I may own shares in the company but a management company run things. It may be that it is one of the schemes we run to encourage new businesses. I am far too busy with my political career to know everything that goes on” Uther sounded bored and impatient. “I suggest you ask the man responsible for such decisions I will give you his number”

“I already have Sir, he told me you authorised it” Pellinore paused. “Via your secretary. The paper work showed your signature”

“Then that’s what it was, we run several such schemes, I’m afraid I don’t remember individual names. May I ask why you are interested?”

Pellinore watched Uther’s reactions as he replied. “Part of an investigation we are undertaking, which I’m afraid I cannot go into at the moment. I suspect we may need to speak to you again but at the moment that is all.”

“You do realise I will be announced as the new Home Secretary in a few days, I believe therefore I am entitled to have full information.” Uther glared at Pellinore and his partner in the expectation of intimidating him. 

“Sorry Sir that’s all I can say at the moment” Pellinore turned to leave then as if by afterthought asked “Do you know a Dr Merlin Emrys?”

“Dr Emrys, no I don’t think so” Uther looked thoughtful “Oh no I think I might, is he one of the new doctors at the hospital, a bit umm, he seems to think a lot of himself. He treated my son. Is that the one you mean?”

“Yes Sir. Thank you, we will be in touch”

Before Pellinore could get out of the room Uther demanded “Is this investigation about him? Is he in trouble if he is I should know. The hospital is in my constituency and if someone is bringing the NHS into disrepute I will through my weight behind any investigation, he seems a bit strange I thought when I met him…very arrogant”

“No Dr Emrys is not in any trouble Sir. Thank you for your time.”

As soon as the police had left the office Uther got his mobile out and rang Sarrum. “I had the police here about Emrys and Jameson. What’s going on! They knew about the office in Cardiff. I told them the rent was due to a new business scheme, make sure that is covered. Find out what is going on and make sure Emrys has been dealt with.” Putting his phone back into his pocket he sat and thought through things before calling his secretary in.

Pellinore now felt he knew all he needed to, all he had to do now was get proof. Which might be easier said than done. The minute he was back at the station he made more enquiries and then went to see the chief inspector. If he was to take this further he needed backing from above.

Two days later Pellinore had the backing and more enquiries were being made both in Camelot and Cardiff. Then Pellinore went to see Arthur once more as the next day Uther Pendragon was going to be brought in for questioning. But now the Detective Chief Inspector was to be involved, one didn’t bring in a potential Home Secretary without taking every precaution no matter what the evidence.

Once Uther was in for questioning Pellinore spoke to his friend Arthur. He was sticking his neck out but felt it only fair. “This is off the record but I thought I ought to let you know your father is being questioned as we speak about the assault on Merlin Emrys”

Arthur was stunned “You think he did it! Don’t be preposterous” 

 

“No but everything points to him being involved. Your father has a controlling interest in the building that Brad Jameson has just rented an office in, at far lower than then normal rent. When I asked Jameson about it he waffled on about it being done through a man he had done a favour for, when pressed he gave me the name Sarrum. On further investigation Sarrum is a man who is involved in finding peoples weak spots so that they can be discredited. He acts just within the law we have never managed to get him for anything yet, he has friends in high places”

Arthur shrugged “So you think that my father might have encouraged Jameson to visit Merlin? If Uther is involved then nail him. Don’t worry about me. I won’t say anything. I hate to say this but I wouldn’t be surprised. He may be my father but he is a ruthless bastard if he thinks he has been crossed.”

“It looks that way. Jameson is a narcissistic man who meets every criteria for what he is accused of and I don’t think he would have taken much convincing. But your father had reasons for disliking Dr Emrys and he drew out a large amount of cash that would have paid for Jameson’s honeymoon the day after the assault as well as the rental business. Look I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you this but as your father is already being questioned ……… I thought you would want to make sure you didn’t bump into him while he was here, or hear through the grape vine.”

“Thank you and don’t worry I won’t tell anyone what you’ve said not even Morgana, Christ she’d scratch his eyes out she treats Merlin like a younger brother.” 

After Pellinore had left Arthur the blonde thought things through and it all made perfect sense, as Merlin had been involved in two altercations with Uther and both involving his family it was just the controlling thing he would do. Arthur knew his father was ruthless if he felt he has been slighted in anyway. A characteristic that had helped him get as high as he had in politics. Well this time he had gone to far.


	13. Chapter 13

When the news broke that Uther Pendragon M.P. had been questioned along with two other men, Sarrum and Brad Jameson the press had a field day. The Prime Minister immediately announced that that Uther would not take up his post as Home Secretary for the moment but any other decision would wait until the courts had a verdict. But it also meant pressure was put on Merlin. So Arthur decided to see if he could help and phoned Merlin at his sisters. They had already been bothered by reporters who were almost camped outside the door.

“Merlin I know I’m not your favourite person but I have a few days off and I am quite willing to take you up to Liverpool to visit Uncle Tristian, it would do you good to get away for a while and I fully intended to visit him anyway.”

Merlin had been working on his aversion towards Arthur and was making enough progress that he thought he could share a car journey without too much trouble. Morgana and Gwen as well as Anne and Tristian already been trying to talk him into going away for a few days. He wasn’t needed from the case and he certainly didn’t fancy a train trip, where he could be ambushed by reporters. He still wasn’t sure how his name had got out, he had been promised anonymity. Merlin also felt guilty that Morgana was under almost house arrest when she was home, thanks to the reporters so decided to take Arthur up on his offer “Thank you, as long as you’re sure. It isn’t fair for me to be here. I might move back up to the hospital when I get back. Poor Morgana has nights and we are getting no piece. Where do you want to pick me up? It would be best if it wasn’t here” 

“I’ve got that planned. Percy and Gwaine will collect you later and no arguing. Oh and it was Gwaine’s idea. Morgan will bring your case round tonight and the boys will pick you up in the morning. I will warn Anne” Arthur grinned to himself, he didn’t think Merlin would like Gwaine’s idea but it was simple and daft enough to get away with, even if Morgana thought they were mad and threatened them with bodily harm if it went wrong.

After they had finished talking Merlin went upstairs and collected a few things together. When Morgana got up she told Merlin to put everything in carrier bags. “It will look obvious if I take a case out” she said when Merlin grumbled about creasing his clothes.

“So how are they getting me out?” he asked curiously. “I mean if you’re going to this much trouble I can’t just walk out can I?”

Morgana gave an evil smirk “I’m not telling you, but it will be a hoot!”

“I am not going out dressing up as you!” Merlin said suddenly getting a horrid idea’

“No you are not! You’d never carry off the heels” Morgana laughed “Though that might be plan B”

Merlin looked horrified “How did I ever get to be friends with you?” he demanded as Morgana laughed “Come on I’ve cooked you something before you go to work. I have even made you sandwiches for your break for putting up with all this.”

“Oh Merlin you are a sweet heart. But remember it looks like my father was responsible not you so please don’t feel guilty. I’m just glad I have already broken away from him. In fact when the time is right I am going to tell the world what a two faced bastard he is as well as a cheating husband. See how his holier than thou colleagues will react then” 

Merlin looked at her in horror “You don’t need to do that after all no one knows he is your father you might want to keep it that way! Anyway do you honestly think the rest of the politicians are completely honest, I expect more than one has secrets”

“That’s true but you know as well as I do they love to get the knife out given the chance, they soon dump their friends if it is politically expedient. I’ll think about it though you might be right.” Morgana said grinning.

As she left for work she carried two carrier bags and set off parking in the hospital car park. Later Arthur went to her car and transferred then to his boot. He had also packed and so was all ready to leave once Merlin was delivered to him. The next morning a van with a local auction houses logo pulled up outside Morgana’s house. Two men got out and went to the door. Merlin let them in and looked at Gwaine with suspicion. 

“Since when did you two work for an auction house?” he asked 

“My brother does and I called in a favour” Gwaine said with a grin. “Now where did Morgana say it was?” he looked at Percy. 

“In her room” Percy said grinning.

The two men went upstairs and came back with an elaborately carved chest. Merlin looked at it and groaned as the penny dropped “You have to be joking!”

“No sorry about that. Now I want you to come here and record something on this” Gwaine said holding out an old fashioned tape recorder. Then Merlin was made to get in the chest and curl up, it was a tight fit. “It’s alright for you we have to carry this as if it’s empty! All you have to do is keep quiet!” with that he shut the lid.

The two men lifted the chest and took it closer to the door. “Well Perc can we make this look light enough?” Gwaine said.

“Oh come on Gwaine we are used to lifting and Merlin isn’t that heavy.” The big man said with a grin.

“That’s true” Gwaine turned round and started up the recorder as they opened the door and walked out. As they exited Percy quickly tugged the door to close it as Merlin’s recorded voice said “Make sure you don’t scratch that! And thank you”

Trying to make the chest look no heavier than it should be they slide it into the back of the Auction Van smiling at the couple of reporters who were waiting outside. Gwaine grinned at them “If you had given me a couple of quid I would have taken some photos with my phone for you! Saved you waiting” with that he winked and jumped into the van and Percy drove off.

Once they arrived at Arthur’s Gwaine opened the chest and let Merlin out. “You could have let me out earlier it was damn uncomfortable in there” Merlin protested

“Stop your whingeing Merl, come on Arthur’s waiting to leave and we have to take this chest into his flat.” Gwaine grinned. “Have a good holiday and don’t get to upset with Arthur, it’s not his fault he’s blonde”

Merlin found the trip up to Liverpool was remarkably pleasant. Arthur didn’t push conversation allowing Merlin to gradually settle and start to talk. They stopped for coffee half way up the motorway and went into the café.

“What would you like?” Merlin asked Arthur “You’re driving so my treat”

“Black coffee thank you” Arthur said with a grin

“I’m having something to eat you what something?” Merlin grinned “I’m having their English breakfast, they shouldn’t be able to ruin that”

“Some here then” Arthur agreed.

Once they had collected their food and drink they sat down. Arthur looked at Merlin “You sound like you’ve eaten in these places before”

“Yeh well I’ve travelled a fair bit one way or another and I’ve learnt my lesson” Merlin tucked into his food. “I’m glad I didn’t eat this morning I think I would have thrown up in that trunk”

“I’m glad you didn’t Morgana loves that box she would have had us scrubbing it” came the cheerful reply. “It worked anyway, it’s a good job you are slender”

Merlin smirked before saying “Well you wouldn’t have fitted that’s for sure”

“Are you calling me fat?!” Arthur said indignantly

Merlin just grinned and continued eating.

Once they were back in the car the banter continued and they both felt more comfortable with each other by the time they arrived in Liverpool.

They stayed for a week and gradually became friends, although sometimes Arthur would catch Merlin giving him strange looks. Miranda loved both the men but defiantly had a stronger attachment to Merlin. Arthur told Merlin that was because she was a clever girl and knew Merlin had saved her. Morgana kept them in touch with what was happening back at Albion. When the week drew to a close Anne asked Merlin to stay longer. “There is no reason for you to go back yet”

“There is I have to start to go back to work. I can’t let this beat me Anne.” He looked at his friend “Some good has come of this. At least some of my friends now know the truth. I won’t have to hide”

“Merlin I’m sure you have never really needed to hide. I just hope the press leave you alone, If it gets too much come back” Anne knew that the press would still be interested after all a Government Minister had become involved.

“They won’t you know that, but at least at work I can be useful. Leon has suggested I do half days for now. Alice has passed me fit. Don’t worry everyone is very supportive I couldn’t have more help. But I need to get my life back, it’s been a long time and I know I need to get all of this behind me.” Merlin sounded positive and strong but Anne knew her friend was worried.

“Merlin if Alice says you are ready you are. You are the strongest willed man I know. You will succeed. And it’s nice to see you no longer shying away from Arthur.”

Merlin looked embarrassed “Yeh well that was silly in the first place. I can’t avoid all blonde fit looking blokes just because of what happened.”

Arthur chose that moment to come back “So you admit I’m fit” he retorted with a grin.

Merlin rolled his eyes “Yeh but you are also a prat”

Anne smiled at the two men she considered like sons to her “Now boys less of that, Tristian will be home soon I’ve prepared your favourite for tea Arthur since it’s your last evening I was hoping Merlin would stay longer but he wants to go back”  
“Will you go back to Morganas?” Arthur asked

“No I have rung the hospital I can have accommodation it will be fairer until this is all over. I will still pay for my room at Morgana’s and hopefully once the fuss has died down she will have me back” Merlin explained. “I don’t want her to have to cope with the press” 

Arthur nodded and offered “You could stay at mine if you like. They won’t know about that and even if they do it’s a top floor flat they can’t nose through the windows. And with me being a copper they might be more cautious. It will be better than rooms at the hospital. After all Alice has left now so there is plenty of room.” 

Merlin was surprised at the offer “I couldn’t do that to you, your father’s involved it would look bad.”

“Bollocks! That’s no excuse. I have made my position clear if he has done wrong he needs to be punished under the law. I have severed my ties with him anyway. You are a friend Merlin and I won’t take no for an answer. If you feel you don’t want to because he is my father and you can’t trust my family I understand but that’s the only reason I will accept”

“Of course I trust you and Morgana I just don’t want you to get dragged into this more than you have to” Merlin protested

“Then that’s settled, you’re staying with me”


	14. Chapter 14

The temporary living arrangements did not go completely smoothly. Try as he might Merlin still found Arthur’s presence difficult at times. Although it had been a long time since he had lived with Brad the recent events had not helped. Arthur also found it difficult at times but for quite the opposite reason. He was finding himself more and more attracted to the other man. 

Merlin had started back at work part time. His first shift had been chosen with care, Leon had made sure that both Gwen and Freya were also on duty. For the first week he worked mornings only but by the second week he was up to full time but still not doing the Friday night and Saturday shifts. Leon felt the potential risk of more problems wasn’t worth it for a while. That didn’t mean Merlin wasn’t getting his fair share of troublemakers and drunks. But he was well supported. He did however find it very tiring at first. Added to that was the media interest which had still hovered over his life. By being careful he had managed not to let anyone find out where he was now living. This was thanks to his friends who acted as a taxi service for him.

Uther and the others had been charged but vigorously denied the charges. It was clear that Uther was the one most likely to come off best as the evidence against him was circumstantial and the police were hoping that Sarrum would testify against him. It seemed Brad had never dealt with Uther directly and didn’t actually know of his involvement. Either way it was clear that Uther’s opportunity of a top cabinet post had been put on hold. It would be months before the trial and all three men were back out but with court orders in place to keep away from Merlin. It was now a waiting game. With contracts signed Bred tried to open his business but found with the cloud over his head he was getting very little business. He did however go ahead with his wedding and honeymoon, although in the UK as the conditions of his bail meant they couldn’t have their original honeymoon. Mordred his new husband was sticking by Brad and in public was adamant that the blonde was innocent. What he knew of the real events was anyone’s guess.

Merlin’s lawyer was very competent and was confident that they would get the convictions they wanted, but in truth Merlin wasn’t that worried as long as he didn’t have to see any of the men again. He hoped for Morgana and Arthur’s sake that Uther wouldn’t go to prison. Even though they assured him that wouldn’t worry them. As to Brad Merlin still felt some of the blame was his for how things turned out.

Merlin had stopped wearing his pressure vests but instead wore white t shirts under his clothing. So in most cases no one knew the difference, but it wasn’t as hot for him. He was still determined that no one should see his scars. But after speaking to Alice he had contacted Changing Faces, a support group for people with disfigurement, for support. He was determined to try and overcome some of his issues although he knew he was lucky that he could cover his scars, even the one on his face. He hoped one day to be able to have a relationship but knew he would have problems accepting anyone would want him.

After he had been staying at Arthurs for two months Merlin told Arthur he was going to move back to his sisters “The fuss has died down now, I need to move back and get on with my life.” He explained “Thank you for your help but I’m sure you will be glad to see the back of me.”

“That’s not true Merlin, anyway I think you should stay longer the trial starts soon you should get that over the way first, believe me the press interest will increase again” Arthur said honestly, but at the same time he was finding it increasingly difficult to keep his feelings secret. He wanted to ask Merlin out, but knew that would be stupid before the case was over with, it would just increase the pressure on Merlin. 

Merlin looked at Arthur “But that would mean I would be here for perhaps a couple of months, you must want your privacy back, I mean you haven’t brought anyone back here besides the group since I moved in.”

Arthur smirked it was cleat Merlin had no idea just how attracted he was to him. “I haven’t got anyone Merlin, and I don’t do one night stands. If I did have anyone you being here wouldn’t stop me. Now stop being an idiot and drop it, you’re staying here until it’s all over”

Merlin rolled his eyes and with a shake of his head said “OK but I am going to pay you rent”

“You are already paying Morgana, I know that so shut up. We are family so it’s all the same. Anyway you do more of the cooking than me”

“Only because you are useless, anyway I am here more. Well I was I’m back on proper shift pattern next week. Until the trial at least” Merlin added the last sentence as an afterthought. “But the minute the trial is over I’m moving out and giving you your life back”

“Deal” Arthur grinned, that suited him as soon as the trial was over he intended to ask Merlin on a date and he couldn’t do that if Merlin was still living with him. Well not without it being awkward anyway. 

The two men continued to rub along even if Arthur was taking more cold showers than normal. At least once a week but usually more Morgana would visit as would the gang. But it was a visit by one of the group that caused the most concern to Merlin. He was home alone one day when the doorbell rang. After the attack he was now more careful and looking through the peep hole he saw Cenred outside alone. Opening the door on the chain he peeped out “What can I do for you?” he asked

“Can I come in Merlin? Please……I want to explain something to you” seeing the doubt in Merlin’s face he continued “I won’t try anything I promise. Look please it is important”

Reluctantly Merlin took of the chain and opened the door. Then he walked to the kitchen and sat at the table. Somehow it seemed better than sitting in the lounge. Cenred sat down opposite Merlin he looked nervous. “Look Merlin I’m not sure how to say this” he paused looking at Merlin.

“Straight out is usually best” Merlin told him “Look if whatever it is just say it and go please” he still felt uncomfortable in the other man’s presence and regretted letting him in. But he wasn’t going to be a coward all his life he needed to get a grip.


	15. Chapter 15

Cenred nodded “You’re right. Well I didn’t know until all this blew up and even then it took me a while to connect it but…….. Look please don’t blame me for my relatives……..” he hesitated then seeming to make a decision continued “The man who attacked you was my cousin, Valliant. I really didn’t know beforehand. I like you a lot you know that but in light of this I think it best I leave the area so I have put in for a transfer. We, the family I mean, had no idea Valliant had got so bad, I mean he was always moody and bad tempered, but we had no idea. I’m sorry” he stood up “I just wanted you to know Merlin, you are a good man I hope you find happiness”

Merlin was shocked of all the things he thought Cenred had come to see him about this was not it. “Thank you Cenred, for telling me. I don’t blame your family I never have. But it explains something….I always felt uneasy around you. Now you have told me I can see why, you have a likeness to him and the accent of course. Don’t feel you have to move because of me.”

Cenred turned and faced Merlin once more “I do, you need to be able to put this behind you, and me moving away will help that. I saw what he did when we picked you up that day, I hope he never gets out I know grief can do things to people but not that, you are a very brave man. I just wish circumstances were different. I would have liked to have known you better. I hope to move within a month. I won’t come to the meetings anymore.”

Merlin stared after Cenred as he left the flat. He was still sitting there an hour later when Arthur got home. Arthur took one look at Merlin and realised something had happened. Merlin was pale, far paler than he was normally and he was unmoving and staring into space. Walking towards Merlin he sat on the chair next to him and took the raven haired man’s hands in his own and rubbing the backs of them gently.

“Merlin what’s happened?” he kept his voice calm and quiet not wanting to frighten the other man. “Merlin look at me” 

Slowly Merlin’s head moved enough to look at Arthur, then he took a deep breath and released it. He closed his eyes then said “Cenred came to see me” his voice shaky and quiet.

Arthur fought against the anger that he felt building, he had warned Cenred to leave Merlin alone, how dare he come here when Merlin was alone. “Why did you let him in, you should have called me, what did he want?” 

“He wanted to tell me he was leaving the area” Merlin looked up at Arthur “He said he didn’t know”

 

When Merlin said no more Arthur asked “Didn’t know what?”

“He is Valliant’s cousin, he hadn’t realised who I was. Now he’s gone but it wasn’t his fault.” Merlin said forlornly “Why should he suffer for something that wasn’t his fault?”

Arthur frowned he had heard the name Valliant but he couldn’t remember where, then he did and he looked at Merlin once more “Your attacker was Cenred’s cousin?!”

Merlin nodded “That’s why I didn’t trust him they had the same eyes, I could see it when he told me. Now he’s moving away, he said it was only fair, but that’s not fair he didn’t do anything” Merlin started to shake. Arthur gently pulled him into his arms to comfort him.

“Merlin just take some deep breaths, you are beginning to get upset, Alice said you know what to do to stop it, so just think and gain control. No one but me is here you are safe.” Arthur continued to keep his voice calm and quiet. It helped Merlin to control himself. After a few moments the shaking stopped and Merlin pulled himself away from Arthur.

Looking at Arthur he said “Can you ring him, do you have his number? Tell him he doesn’t have to move away that wouldn’t be right.”

“Merlin I will contact him later, but perhaps he wants to, rather than have a reminder of what his cousin did, it can’t be easy knowing a member of your family did something like that. It may be for the best for both of you” Arthur knew from dealing with the families of offenders that they often felt guilt for something they had no control over. Then he stood up and put the kettle on knowing from experience that a hot drink really did help Merlin calm down. Quickly making a cup of tea he handed it to Merlin. “Drink that then I think you need to rest.”

Merlin did as Arthur suggested then went to his room and lay down, Arthur checked him and found Merlin had drifted off to sleep. He then retreated to the kitchen and rang Will for Cenred’s number. Clearly Cenred and told his partner why he was leaving. 

“Let it lie Arthur, Cenred has made his mind up, he told me when he got back from your place. It will be for the best for both of them. I’m glad now I didn’t smash his face in for chasing after Merlin. The poor bugger was guilt ridden and it wasn’t his fault was it? After all we all have relatives we would rather not have” Will hadn’t meant Uther but Arthur agreed. 

“OK I’ll leave it but tell him Merlin’s OK if he decides to stay and he doesn’t blame him in any way” Arthur said

“I will, how is Merl?”

“Asleep now, don’t worry I’ll look after him”

 

“I know you will, you have a real soft spot for him don’t you, well don’t leave it to late mate or someone else will snatch him up. Merlin is a great feller” Will advised

“I know Will, but now is not the time, hell he has no idea. I didn’t think anyone knew” Arthur admitted

“Not know! Do you think we are all blind? Hell Gwaine has a book running on it” Will laughed and put the phone down.


	16. Chapter 16

It took Merlin a few days to settle back down again. It was a couple of months before the trial date come round. Merlin still hadn’t realised Arthur’s growing feelings for him although it seemed everyone else had. They all had their own advice to give. Although most accepted his plan to wait until after the trail before doing anything. For Arthur having Merlin live with him was a bitter sweet torture but one he wouldn’t have changed for the world. They both took it in turns cooking and doing the housework and made sure to meet up with everyone else at least once a week. Morgana visited at least twice a week and told Merlin all about her developing romance with Percy. It seemed the big man was everything Morgana wanted in a man. 

Both the Pendragons siblings were apologetic about their father’s involvement in the case and felt guilty for how it had all happened. But Merlin didn’t blame either of them. He knew they had no intention of supporting their father. Merlin spent ages taking to Morgana about her plan to tell the world she was his daughter by an affair, in order to show him up as a hypocrite. In the end he talked her out of it. “All that will do is put the spot light on you, you want nothing to do with him so leave it. That way you don’t have to acknowledge him at all.” He told her.

Arthur agreed and was happy that his half-sister had changed her mind. It was enough that he was constantly being questioned by the media about his thoughts on the trial. No one seemed to accept that he had broken with his father long before. Luckily no one seemed to have realised Merlin was staying with him. Mainly due to the hospital saying he was staying on the grounds and refusing permission for them to interview Merlin at work. After the first team tried it and got negative press for endangering Patients and their confidentiality the others seemed to have given up.

The trial itself took less time than expected and all his friends supported him through it. He found giving evidence difficult but kept telling himself he was doing it for all the other people to give them courage to press charges. Even if he couldn’t shake the idea that as a man he should have been able to deal with it. Even Anne and Tristian came to support him, they were also both witnesses for Brad’s previous conduct. Brad was found guilty of common assault and harassment and was given a two year suspended sentence as well as having a restraining order that prevented him going anywhere near Merlin. 

The other two’s verdicts were harder to reach the evidence was sparse but in the end just enough to get a conviction. Sarrum and Uther were found guilty of incitement to commit assault and they were given six month prison sentences. Which was little more than a slap on the wrist. It did however stop Uther’s ambitions and lost him his place in Parliament, he was disgraced. It seemed the damage limitation exercise Uther had done stopped a longer sentence as well as the top lawyers money could buy. 

After the case Uther tried to build bridges with both his children but neither were interested. Even though the older Pendragon was still protesting his innocence to anyone who would listen and was intending to appeal, as was Sarrum, so was on bail rather than in prison.

Everyone was bitterly disappointed by the result and angry on Merlin’s behalf, he however was just pleased to see it over with. He could now get on with his life. He moved back with Morgana after the trial. Although he expected it wouldn’t be for long. Merlin could see it wouldn’t be much longer before Morgana and Percy became a permanent couple and if the big man moved in, he didn’t want to be a third wheel. So he started to quietly look around for something else. 

Arthur saw Merlin moving out as his chance, and decided to ask Merlin on a date. Deciding it and actually doing it was two different things. He was extremely nervous and ended up having several non-dates with Merlin when the younger man thought they were just hanging out. In the end Morgana took charge and before Merlin set out on yet another ‘hanging out’ with Arthur she made her friend sit down.

“Merlin are you stupid or just in denial?” she demanded

Merlin looked at her his face showing his puzzlement “What do you mean?”

Morgana rolled her eyes “Look Merlin how many times have you gone out with Arthur recently?”

“Oh I don’t know I’m not keeping count. It’s just nice to have someone to talk to…why?”

Morgana hit Merlin round the head. “You are a total idiot” she paused “You like Arthur don’t you? I mean you’ve got over him looking like Brad”

Merlin looked out the window “Yes I guess, it’s not easy sometimes, but yeh he’s an ok guy, he helped me a lot when I was waiting for the trial.” He admitted

“But that’s it? You are just friends?” Morgana asked softly

“Morgana what is all this about, Arthur will be here soon you know what a stickler your brother is for time.” Merlin demanded still puzzled as to what this was about. 

“Merlin my brother is a great guy, but he’s a bit emotionally constipated, not good with expressing feelings, but he hasn’t just wanted to hang out with you, he has been asking you out on dates! He likes you, you idiot!” 

Merlin stared at Morgana he couldn’t believe what she was saying. “You’re joking right” he said “I mean your brother is ………….. he’s out of my league why would he want to go out with me. I mean he isn’t even gay is he?” he paused “Why are you saying this Morgs?”

“Because it’s true and he is gay and if I don’t say anything you two will be dancing round each other for ever. Anyway what do you mean out of your league, don’t knock yourself your gorgeous if you hadn’t been gay I would have fancied you! So would most of the nurses in the hospital. Thank about it Merlin where have you been with Arthur?”

Merlin frowned “A couple of meals, a show, the cinema a couple of times and a club.”

“And they don’t sound like dates to you?” Morgana asked her friend. “Because they do to me”

Merlin was clearly surprised by what Morgana said and not convinced. Then the doorbell rang “Look Morgana Arthur’s here I’ve got to go” he stood up and looked at his friend. “You’ve got this all wrong.”

He left and went to the door Arthur was waiting he looked at Merlin “Are you ok?” he asked concerned

“Yeh fine, let’s get going shall we.” Merlin just wanted to get away from Morgana and her mad ideas.


	17. Chapter 17

As Arthur drove to the pub they had decided to visit. Merlin thought about what Morgana had said. Had he really got it so wrong? He knew he needed to clear this up and wasn’t looking forward to it. He would look a right idiot if she was wrong. But then again they were sort of date venues when he thought about it. But Arthur hadn’t said anything. Merlin was so deep in thought that he hadn’t realised they had parked.

“Merlin…..Merlin we’re here” Arthur touched his shoulder “Are you alright? You were miles away”.

Merlin looked up shocked “Sorry I was thinking” he stuttered. “Just something Morgana said before we came out”

Arthur raised an eyebrow “What has that witch been saying now?” he asked half frightened of the answer

Now was Merlin’s chance after all he needed to know before thing went any further. He looked at Arthur and took a deep breath, after all he wasn’t a coward no matter how messed up he was. “Look Arthur I need to ask you something, please don’t take this wrong. But have we been going on dates?”

Arthur blushed, something Merlin had never seen him do before. He looked out the window before he met Merlin’s eyes. “Yeh well, I sort of hoped they were. But when you didn’t react I kinda of left it. I don’t want to push you into anything. Is that what Morgana said to you” he took Merlin’s hand “Look Merlin I like you a lot and if you don’t want to date that’s fine. We can still go out together and be friends.”

Merlin looked down at their interwoven hands and gave a small shudder. Arthur immediately let go “I’m sorry Merlin, I didn’t mean to push you into anything. Look do you want to go back?”

Merlin looked at Arthur and knew they needed to sort this. “Arthur do you mind if we go somewhere quiet we can talk, I’ve been a bit dense and I need to process this” he paused “How could I have not realised?”

Arthur sighed with relief at least Merlin hadn’t go of the deep end “Of course. It will be noisy here they have live music tonight. We can go back to my place…….to talk nothing else I promise. That’s if you feel comfortable with that.”

Merlin gave a self-depreciating smile “Well it is out seventh date so I suppose that’s ok”

Arthur started the car and drove to his flat and once they were inside Arthur went to get them a drink. “I don’t know about you but I think I need a whiskey!” 

“Can I have a tea please” Merlin asked “Still on medication” he explained, anyway he wanted to keep his head clear.

“Off course” Arthur busied himself “Sit down and get comfortable.” He told Merlin. 

Once the drinks were poured he sat down opposite Merlin in a deliberate move not to make the other man stressed. “Look Merlin I’m sorry I wasn’t clearer, I’ve fancied you for ages, but it wasn’t right to do anything either when you were living here or with the court case going on. When I did pluck up courage I soon realised you didn’t understand my intentions but we were so much friendlier I didn’t want to lose that”

“But I didn’t even know you were gay! So much for my gaydar” Merlin looked at Arthur in surprise

“I think you’ve had other things on your mind Merlin, anyway it’s not something that I advertise. I had several boyfriends when I was based in London but in a provincial town it’s not so easy and I don’t do casual flings or one offs, not my style. I don’t hide it I just don’t shout about it. All the guys at work know as do my family and friends. That’s one of the reasons I broke off with Uther that and my choice of career. He thought I should seek a cure!” Arthur said bitterly.

“I god I’m sorry, I was lucky my mother was always supportive right from the beginning, in fact I think she knew before I did” Merlin sympathised but then asked “But why me? I mean I’m a no one you could have anyone you wanted, without all my baggage.”

“Don’t run yourself down Merlin, you are a good looking bloke, intelligent and very kind and brave. At first I wanted to be sure it wasn’t what you did, that attracted me, they are my family after all” the blonde admitted “But I soon realised it wasn’t anything to do with that. We gel, once you got over the fact I was blonde and good looking!” Arthur chuckled trying to release the tension in the room. “Anne and Tristian realised it before me.” 

“They are not the only ones Gwaine is running bets on us” Merlin explained “Morgana told me” then he became serious once more “Look Arthur I am getting better, but I will always have problems, I know that. You don’t need that in your life.”

Arthur looked at Merlin and allowed the emotion he was feeling to show on this face and in his voice. “I want you, problems and all. Merlin, I have seen your scars, they don’t put me off. I just wish I had known you then, when it happened. You wouldn’t have had to cope alone as you did. I’ve told you before your scars are part of you, they show your bravery and determination.” Arthur was sincere and it showed. “Let me in please, at least give us a chance”

Merlin was wringing his hands “You say you’ve seen them but you haven’t not all of them. I’m ugly” his voice went down to a murmur that Arthur could hardly hear. “Brad is right I am like something from a horror show, damaged goods”

Arthur moved to the settee next to Merlin and took Merlin’s hands “Look at me Merlin” when Merlin looked up tears in his eyes but not falling Arthur continued “He was the monster not you! What would you say to someone you cared for if they had scars? Would you call them a monster……of course you wouldn’t. So don’t talk about yourself that way. There is no way you’re damaged goods, you have signs of what has happened that’s all.” Arthur leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Merlin’s cheek. Then he paused “I’ve wanted to do that for weeks. I hope you don’t mind”

A trace of a smile came onto Merlin’s face “Well since it is the seventh date I don’t suppose that’s to forward”

“Then can I do it again?” Arthur asked “Just to see if you like it, because I know I will” when Merlin didn’t say anything Arthur lightly put his hands around Merlin and pulled him in for a longer but still gentle kiss. Merlin responded cautiously. 

“I haven’t kissed anyone for a long time.” Merlin admitted “Not since before it all happened. Brad wouldn’t, to start with he said he was frightened to hurt me, because of my facial injury, then I guess he didn’t want to”

“What a wanker and what a waste” Arthur said “Look can I hold you, we can watch a film or something if you like, we take this as slowly as you want to, just give us a chance” he looked at Merlin with puppy dog eyes and the slender man found himself relaxing slightly. “I won’t hurt you Merlin” 

After Arthur took Merlin back a few hours later Merlin did some serious thinking. He realised he was still young and if he didn’t want to spend his life alone he needed to open up more. He liked Arthur but he wasn’t sure it would work. They took their time seeing each other, a couple of times a week as their shifts allowed. But often with the others. Their next three solo dates saw them slowly increase their kissing and hugging, but Arthur as promised took it slowly, never putting any pressure on Merlin. But at least they both accepted they were dating and not mates. On the fourth occasion Arthur had cooked then a meal after they had spent the day together. As they sat cuddled up beside each other kissing gently Arthurs arm went under Merlin’s shirt accidently. Merlin stiffened then he forced himself to slowly relax. As Arthurs hands went to Merlin’s sides Merlin again tensed as Arthur felt the raised scars under his hands. 

“Shush my love relax I won’t hurt you.” Arthur whispered gently. They had already talked about Merlin’s scars and the fact that some were numb but others hypersensitive. He had two area on his chest and one on his waist that sometimes broke down and wept. Gradually Arthur continued to explore, the room was dark and Arthur hoped that by touching the scars first without seeing them Merlin would be more comfortable. 

Merlin also started to explore Arthur, it had been a long time since he had held anyone and he liked the feeling it gave him. He relaxed more and more and when Arthur began to undo his shirt he didn’t stop him. He was still wearing his t shirt and Arthur let his hands roam under it. That evening they did more touching than before but Arthur decided to leave the next stage for another time. It was two dates later during another petting session when Arthur asked Merlin “Can I take your t shirt off?”

Merlin started shaking “We haven’t got to Merlin, don’t worry just relax” Arthur smiled reassuringly “I’m sorry I pushed you further than you are comfortable with”

The next solo date Merlin arranged to go straight to Arthur’s and take a take away and a DVD they were going to have a marathon session of their favourite films. Arthur was surprised, Merlin did not have his trademark vest on under his shirt. But he said nothing. But as the evening progressed Merlin surprised Arthur even more by suggesting they go to the bedroom. Hand in hand the couple made their way down the corridor. Once they got there Merlin whispered shyly. “I want you to look at my scars, if I lay down you can see them better. I can’t expect this to continue unless I can face this. You have to be comfortable with how I am.” He looked at Arthur his emotions overwhelming him. “I am falling in love with you and if this is to end then I need to know before …..it’s too late”

Arthur was also overwhelmed with the trust Merlin was showing him. Merlin took his shirt of and lay on the bed and closed his eyes. Arthur took his shirt off it just seemed right. The he led on the bed next to Merlin “Open your eyes please I want to see them”

Arthur looked at Merlin’s chest and noticed, as he had when feeling them that some ran below the waist and out of site. Careful not to show the anger he felt when he thought of what Merlin had been through, he carefully touched the scars one by one. Asking as he did which ones were sensitive and which were prone to breaking down. Then he proceeded to plant small kisses over Merlin’s chest tracing each of the scars. Merlin’s entire chest as well has his upper arms and sides were crisscrossed with scars where Valliant had slashed at Merlin over and over again some had clearly been much deeper than others. Merlin slowly went from tense as a board to relaxed, as he forced himself to breathe deeply. Then Merlin slowly started to touch Arthur as they lost themselves in the moment. 

“Can I?” Arthur touched Merlin’s waistband his intention clear. Merlin nodded and Arthur removed Merlin’s trousers and boxers and then continued to trace the scars that ran across his hips and groin. They were less here but Arthur could see where they rubbed. He eased himself up and removed his own jeans “It’s only fair” he grinned. Although they still only touched and felt both knew an important hurdle had been passed that evening. The two men spent the night in each other’s arms. As Merlin snuggled into Arthur he felt safe for the first time in three years. Arthur whispered in his ear just as he felt the darkness of sleep overtake him “I love you”

As the couple’s relationship progressed it was clear to everyone that Merlin was becoming more confident in himself and also more comfortable in his skin. Merlin still had problems, they wouldn’t be solved that easily. Arthur discovered that Merlin often had nightmares. Even when they had shared the flat he hadn’t known that. He also still had mood swings but Arthur’s patience with him, and the love he showed helped then to pass quicker. When Morgana and Percy announced their engagement four months later Arthur asked Merlin to move in with him. Which he did, it was then that they finally took their relationship to the next level to a full sexual one. Before that they had made out and even had mutual blow jobs but hadn’t gone the final step. Arthur continually told Merlin how beautiful he was and gradually Merlin lost his self-consciousness as the blonde looked at his body. He still couldn’t bear to allow anyone else to see his scars. Alice warned Arthur that he might never be able to do that.   
Epilogue  
Seven months after the trial the appeals are heard. Uther and Sarrum had clearly been busy with their lawyers and their defence was slick and it was clear that they both thought had a good chance of getting off. New evidence was presented on Uther’s generosity in helping new businesses set up by offering cheap peppercorn rents. It seemed he had helped four other businesses. The money Brad had got for his honeymoon could not be linked directly to Uther. It could be traced to Sarrum but he had an explanation that seemed to stand up. It seemed Brad had done some work over the previous months for Sarrum through a second party. Why this hadn’t come out in the first court case was unclear. In the end the judge said that although there was strong circumstantial evidence to link the pair to the case but not sufficient to find then guilty, and their convictions were squashed. The resulting uproar in the press made sure that Uther’s career as a front bencher was over, although for a time he did resume his career on the back bench 

This angered Arthur and Morgana who felt that pressure had been exerted clear the pair. Merlin was less upset. He just wanted it all over and also he felt guilty that Arthur and Morgana’s father had been involved and felt he needed to take some responsibility. Something everyone else told him to forget and that none of it was his doing. Uther contacted Arthur and tried to get a reconciliation which was unsuccessful, although when Uther found out Arthur was living with Merlin as a partner his vitriolic remarks would have prevented it anyway. Uther was also less than pleased with Morgana’s fiancée, believing she should have done better for herself. To which Morgana told him to keep out of her life permanently or she would apply for a harassment order. Something he couldn’t risk as the publicity would finish his career even as a back bencher. He also had hopes of climbing back up into favour.

A year after the appeal a general election was called and Uther found himself deselected by his local party, unable to get an opening elsewhere his political career was over. It seemed mud stuck and the local party felt they had no chance of keeping the seat with Uther at the head. Morgana was smug for weeks, until she finally admitted that she had told them that Uther was her father and that Uther’s recorded views on marital fidelity were a sham and that if he was to stand she would make it public.

It was just after this that Morgana and Percy married. Uther turned up to the wedding but was asked to leave. Having several police officers present helped to get him to leave peacefully. While he was there Elyan and Will stayed with Merlin as Arthur was giving away Morgana and Gwaine was best man. Having Gwaine as best man might not have been Percy’s best choice as the speech was something talked about for years.

When Arthur and Merlin married six months later Leon was best man to both the grooms. And Miranda who was now four and a half held the rings. Merlin had finally coming to terms with his body image with the help and support of Arthur, his self-confidence had increased and his panic attacks were few and far between. And Arthur, well he was the first to admit that he had been wrong and as far as Merlin was concerned everything did indeed feel right in fact it couldn’t be better.


End file.
